Ricochet

As if simply spelling that word correctly isn't exciting enough . . .

I'm a bit of a germ freak. During communion today I attempted to eat the bread without touching my finger to my lips, using a slight toss to hit my mouth, but missed terribly. The bread square struck the side of my nose and ricochetted into the chair in front of me, then onto the floor. It took all of my concentration skills to pull it back together. Hopefully I only distracted myself.

Ice Cream

We found a new ice cream today. Ben & Jerry's "Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream." The Colbert Report is a mouthy show we started watching now that we have digital TV. I didn't know what "TV14" meant in the upper left hand corner of the screen until just recently.

This ice cream flavor is rated G.

Nonsense Trivia

Q: What's the most common thing heard before a trip to the ER?

A: Someone hollering, "Hey, ya'll - watch'is!!!"

White Peacock

We celebrated Christmas in January with food and a white elephant gift exchange. I was lucky enough to receive this Peacock lamp. Can you see how the orange marbles light up all along the tail? Friends laughed hearty laughs, but I REALLY like it! Rachel wants to use it as a night light, but I'm not sure it's up to code to burn all night.

My Watch

I looked all over the house for it Sunday morning, but didn't find it until Sunday afternoon while driving. It was on my wrist. SCARY, ain't it?

How To

How to obstruct a federal judicial nominee. Not for the faint of heart - or secular progressive types. I'm all for fair "up or down" votes. There's even a link from there that will allow you to compose your own letter to Senator Patrick Leahy, committee chair over these nominations. Give it a whirl.

3rd and 4th Grade Basketball

Awards should be given to the volunteer coaches of this league. Quinn is the oldest and tallest on his team, which includes an eclectic mix of young boys. Since I don't know all their names, I've decided to give them Native American names. There is He-Whose-Shoes-Fall-Off, He-Whose-Father-Laughs-Like-A-Woman, Mr.-Double-Dribble, Little-One-Wearing-Big'm-Glasses, Son-Of-Screaming-Mother, and QUINN-PASS-THE-BALL!!!!

Haircut

OK, everybody!

By his own free will, Quinn (aka: Napoleon Dynamite, Castro, Dynamo, Scary-haired boy) got a haircut today.

He's worried that this new 'do makes his butt look bigger. (Not really. That's one of those poetic license things I'm entitled to as the main blog editor.)

Bus Stop

I met the kids at the bus stop after school and Rachel reported that "after giving adequate verbal warning," she was forced to punch a boy who rides their bus. She told me that she hit him in the chest ". . . right above the heart where Dad says it hurts the most". She said that she was trying to protect Quinn because this boy was throwing peanuts at him.

I asked Quinn why someone was doing this and he said, "Well, people who don't know me think I look funny. I mean, check this out!" He then pulled down his hood to show me his hair, which he is trying to grow. (It's growing alright - straight OUT from his head!) I laughed. I laughed even harder when he told me that even kids from his own class today asked him, "What happened? Did you touch a jolt of lightening or something?"

Surprisingly, Quinn still refuses to get his hair cut.

Love and Respect

It's a new book I read last night. Did you know that women want love and men want respect? Anyway, I decided to complete one of the first assignments, and that was to tell my husband that I respected him, then be ready with a few reasons why.

I began, but was met with this response, "Have you been drinking?"

Commercials

Thank you to the TV commercials who have convinced my son that we MUST buy a "Magic Bullet" mini food processor blender thingy and some steam iron do-hickey.

And thank you to the public service announcements which have added new words to my daughter's vocabulary, including herpes and erectile dysfunction.

You Call That a Knife?!

Remember that line from "Crocodile Dundee?"

Well, airport security does not like to hear it spoken. And apparently, they don't let them pass in luggage without inspection. Mr. Rellim received a very large knife yesterday, as a token of appreciation for a job well-done at a large pig show in Texas. When he saw his suitcase at the baggage claim center this afternoon, there was a bright orange sticker on it. Fortunately, the contents had been cleared by security without delay.

I guess his name is now on another list.

Question

Rachel had a friend spend the night and they were awake until midnight, which meant that I was also awake until then. Quinn, who had gone to bed at his regular time, woke up at his regular time, got dressed, then woke me up about 6:15 to ask, "Mom, do you think I'm overdressed?"

The Games We Play

Do you play games in the car to pass the time? My family (NOT me) has decided to play several "I Spy" games that reward the player with the opportunity to punch someone's arm in the car. Here is THE rule: Be the first person to spy one of these vehicles and shout out the appropriate phrase to earn punching rights.

PT Cruiser - "Bruiser Cruiser!"
VW Beetle - "Slug Bug!"
any yellow vehicle - "Yellow car/van/truck bingo!"
any vehicle with a headlight out - "pediddle!"

I might have to think about buying some body armor.

Tongue Twister

I was on a speech-language database for tongue twisters and found one that could potentially get me fired. I might have to save it for just the right moment:

I am not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
'cause the pheasant plucker's running late.

I will not spit

The kids had to write this 50 times each. Rachel substituted "h" for "p" several times so Mike asked her to write 50 more lines. She used long, skinny letters and wrote the sentence twice, each covering 25 lines. So clever, yet so very busted. She will be writing tonight for a long time.

WMI

I watched Mike Huckabee last night. I can't help but think of Huckleberry Finn, Huckleberry Hound and Yogi the Bear when I hear his last name. Anyway, he was talking about his plan for education reform and mentioned the title of his idea to be WEAPONS OF MASS INSTRUCTION (WMI). I liked it. A little humor is a good thing. I've already used the term in a staff meeting to my delight and others' confusion.

The Dance

"Did you see that lady?! She just walked right into me! What do I look like? A target?! I swear we were about 20 steps apart when I noticed she was walking toward me, so I took a step to the right. Then she took a step to the right. So I took a step to the left. Then she took a step to the left. Am I so big that as soon as people see me they panic?! For some reason, people seem to gravitate toward me. I see them coming and I'm polite and freeze in place and the people just freak out and manage to bob and weave toward me until we collide! People do this ALL THE TIME!"

laments Mr. Rellim.

Webkinz

Who thought of this idea? I love the stuffed-animal pets with virtual chores, and no allergens! (Well, the actual dust mites are really minimal.) Quinn purchased "Chocolate" - a chocolate lab and "Dasher" - a reindeer. Here he is singing his pets to sleep on the pillow next to him.

Hairy

We are not particularly hairy people. In fact, Mike only needs to shave about every three days. A couple weeks ago Mike decided to try to grow a mustache and beard. It's not going so well.

About the same time, I decided to stop shaving my legs in protest. Today at a meeting I realized my socks were not reaching my pant cuff and that shocked people sitting near me probably don't understand this contest. We may have to call a truce.

Antarctica

The science worksheet asked for nonfood items one might take on a trip to Antarctica. Quinn replied, "Ice blocks. You'll need them to build an igloo."

Now and Then

I found this picture of Quinn reminiscent of his grandpa Dale on a Christmas about 25 years ago. I think the change in hairstyle trend to be a positive.

Fabrication

My father once told me that he thinks I make up these stories. Oh . . . I might enhance them slightly in order to tell a proper story - or I might only present one side of the issue (What journalist is not guilty of that?!) - but pictures don't lie. Plus, I have no idea how to Photoshop anything.

Foot Chargers

Oops! It's sideways!

I was looking for Quinn on a recent trip to the thrift store. I found him in the dressing room trying out a pair of electric foot massagers from the 1980s. I was surprised that he had not electrocuted himself.

BTW, he bought them for $3.50.

Red Flags

Our neighbors took out the fence and hedge that separated our property from theirs. Last week they put up red flags to signify the property line. I guess they didn't like our kids sledding down onto their fresh sod grass.

I liked the hedge better.

Rose Bowl

While the men watched the game and the women left to run an errand, the children decided to check out the hot tub on the neighbor's deck. (Mind you that it was less than 20 degrees.) The ice held three tweenagers, but buckled under the weight of Quinn. The boy has had his first polar bear plunge.

Straight No Chaser

This is the best Christmas medley I've heard all month.

Who Ya Dancin' With?

Sometimes using all your strength means asking for help - as this video demonstrates.

Pig Candy

- it's not just for pigs. It's made from pigs . . . and brown sugar - lots of it - with a fair amount of cayenne pepper. Thank you, Mrs. Bickerson. Someday when we have high cholesterol and diabetes we'll think back on this day and ask, "Was it worth it?" Hmmm . . . You'll have to decide for your self. Click here for the Pig Candy recipe.

Shopping

Rachel told me that she noticed a lot of "tick stores" at the mall on Sunday.

She was talking about the flea market.

Merry Christmas!

Probably the worst thing we did was wrap underwear for Quinn in the box of the long-awaited Nintendo DS. This was the smile BEFORE he opened the gift. How 'bout that new orange vest?

Oh! Probably the second-worst thing we did was make fun of the soloist at Christmas Eve service. He sang O Holy Night acapella (in approximately 17 different keys) from the balcony behind us. A couple times we thought he started into a medley, then realized it was just the fourth and fifth verses of the song. Once I was certain that a balcony observer had grabbed his collar and started to choke him, but was wrong. Rachel noted that that some "Ho -o- o- o- ly"'s sounded like Santa's trademark laugh.

But, I remember singing in church as a teenager too. It's a wonder I was ever asked back. I suppose it's all about the joy of Christmas.

Leaving a Message

Thankfully, the message was left on my sister's machine and not, say, our babysitter's: "Uh, Hi! This is Quinn and I want to tell you I think you should name your baby . . . Just a minute . . . RACHEL LEAVE ME ALONE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TALKING ON THE PHONE?! . . . I think you should name your baby Charlie 'cause it's a good name and . . . RACHEL I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE! . . . So I'll see you tomorrow and can't wait to see your new baby. I love you."

Speaking of Bacon

My friend Mrs. Bickerson says these may be her new favorite Christmas cookie.

The Rellim boys are licking their lips.

Bacon

Guess what I found under my bed in a Wal-Mart bag with some Christmas gifts?
You guessed it.
Two pounds.

Hindsight

They say it's 20/20. I'd say they're right. Mr. Rellim told me he'd like to be a tattoo artist when he grows up. I let him practice on my lower back with a black sharpie. Now my hind is quite a sight!

Heat

Mr. Rellim and I were riding near the rear of the church bus on the annual Christmas caroling adventure with members of the praise team (Actually, it's a really cool shuttle.) and freezing our tails off. I could hear someone at the front of the bus complaining about the lack of heat and wondering if the heater was working at all. This person hollered back, "Are you getting any back there?"

My husband shouted, "Not yet, but I'm working on it!"

Responses ranged from nervous chuckles to hearty laughter. Did I mention that the praise team includes the executive minister, the minister of worship and at least three elders?

Lock Down Drill

I'm in my closet-room (as opposed to a classroom) during our school's lock down drill when I hear a knock at the door:

Voice: Police officer. Is anyone in there?
Me: Yes.
Voice: You are not supposed to answer! Now open the door!
Me: No!
Voice: Good girl.

Podiatrist

On her third visit to the podiatrist, Rachel was asked how her plantar warts were doing. Rachel took off her right sock and showed the doctor that her foot looked great. He then asked how her left foot felt (since that is the foot with the warts). She looked mildly surprised that she had chosen the wrong foot - and he could surmise how well she had been following treatment protocol.

Dear Olan Mills,

I paid for these pictures. Can I legally post them on my blog?

Personal Observation

If your nine-year-old son must choke on a piece of candy, be sure it happens while standing in line at the hospital pharmacy behind an ER nurse. Talk about service!

I wonder if she will have to write up an incident report?

Oh, Goodie!

Mike left for a meeting tonight and told me that if the kids were asleep and the house picked up when he gets home that he will be able to spend a little time with me tonight.

Hmmm . . . And if the house is NOT picked up? Will I get to read alone by the fire while he runs the vacuum? Sounds like one of those win/win situations to me.

Happy Birthday, Papa Wayne!

Aren't you glad that you don't have to ride a horse to school anymore?

At the Pizzeria

Quinn burped and I told him he needed to say "excuse me" and cover his mouth if it happened again.

It happened again.

He chose to cover his mouth with his glass, which did not muffle the sound, but project it with great amplification to the table behind us.

Global Warming

I'm a skeptic. So is Stuart Shepard in his whimsical Stoplight video. Whatdya think?

School Days

1. Rachel reported that a couple girls in her classroom are being noticed as good readers. They are friends of hers, yet Rachel is concerned that they may be nudging her out of the perceived "favorite girl" position. Rachel asked if I could talk to her teacher about this.

2. Quinn is a good student with borderline behavior disorder (joke). I'm enjoying the irony that he is fairly popular with his peers and is the "Star Student" of the week, while his by-the-book teacher must be squirming.

I know. This post is a bit twisted. But if you can't laugh at your life (and your kids' lives) you'll go crazy.

Don't Buy It!

If word gets out about this book, my job could be in jeopardy.

The Tree is Up

It really is a nice, big tree. You just can't tell with us standing in front of it. Quinn's not pleased with this shot because he said "rectangle shirts aren't really my style."

Hairspray

We just watched this movie together and you should have seen the dance moves Quinn and Rachel were bustin' after the show! Rachel's favorite line was "Demon child!" My favorite part of the movie is watching John Travolta dance and sing as Tracy's mother. Some of the funniest lines are given by Christopher Walken as he is avoiding the seduction by the evil lady. After failing to get his attention, the evil lady asks, "Are you obtuse?!" Christopher Walken responds "I don't know. I failed geometry." This is definitely a gotta see.

Christmas List

Me: Rachel, what do you want for Christmas?

Rachel: I don't know. I already have lots of stuff. I don't need anything. Whatever.

Methinks: What will she think of a donation to the Human Fund? or the FEED THE MILLER BOYS fund?

Basic Cable

We have basic cable for several reasons, including:
1. If we had better channels, we would watch more TV and we already watch enough TV.
2. If we had more channels, we run the risk of the kids viewing inappropriate material (not that ABC, CBS and NBC don't run their fair share already).

Mr. Rellim REALLY wants to see his Illini play and wishes we had Big Ten Network. So when he wants to see a game he invites himself to a friend's house. That's fine with me. If the game were on here, he would be present in body only.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago he decided to watch the game from a restaurant in town, then came home with the idea that if we spent the money on extended programming, we would actually SAVE money (because he wouldn't have to spend $20 each game on burgers, fries and drinks).

What are your thoughts? Is megamedia necessary? Do you have more than basic cable? If so, will you call Mike before the next game?

Haunted Pants

"Look! My pants are haunted!" screamed the boy. Actually, it was his gerbil crawling around inside the leg. And, I know - this post is wrong on so many levels.

Naughty or Nice

Click here, here or even here to learn about the incredible elf-o-matic Naughty or Nice Determinator.

Hangman's Curse

It started out like one of Peretti's supernatural thrillers, but ended like a public service announcement about bullying - with spiders. Lots of spiders.

Nose Menace

Somehow, Quinn bumped his nose while running in the dark back to his bedroom. I gave him a bag of frozen corn (It's the best I had a the moment!) wrapped in a dish towel to hold on his nose while I took a shower. Within ten minutes his bunk bed was the scene of an EXPLODED bag of semi-frozen corn. He even had kernels in his pajamas!

Quinn had no explanation.

Suspensers

I thought maybe she was talking about a thrilling novel, but no. It's what Rachel told me she wore one day last week to keep her pants up.

Found 'em

Mr. Rellim drives a 2001 Nissan Sentra. Mr. Rellim is six feet, five inches tall. Picture a gaggle of clowns exiting from a miniature circus vehicle and you will get the visual. Tonight he came in from his vehicle proudly holding the pair of glasses that have been missing for about two weeks. Where were they? Under a stocking cap in his backseat. I don't get that.

Thanksgiving

I think we will be celebrating the holiday three times this week and traveling a couple hundred miles. That's not too bad. And for all my well-traveled friends, I'd like to lift a line from Max Lucado's book In the Eye of the Storm to say: May the trials of your trip be lost in the joys of the feast.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Technology

My friend asked her five-year-old son if he'd like to go to the mall and sit on Santa's lap today. He told her that he didn't need to because he had already emailed Santa last night with his wish list.

Only at Big Lots

Never walk into a store and ask, "Where can I buy a hoe?"

I got stunned expressions, directions to hosiery and queries referring to women with questionable reputability.

Next year, I think I'll let the weeds grow.

Change is Hard

Rachel commented that her youth minister wants to create a sort of game room and perhaps acquire a PS-3 or Wii. She said that she thinks that will detract from the business of learning, though she understands that they need to "lure" more kids to church and that could work. "But," she continued, "it's already fun enough there. Why do we want to worry about making it more fun?"

Maybe I'll try that at work when people push reorganization, or the state changes its forms (again). "We are already having fun! Why do you want to mess with that?"

Vows

It wasn't a vow of everlasting love. Quinn made a vow to never get his hair cut again. I told him he WAS getting his hair cut today since we are having family pictures taken on Tuesday. The compromise is that he can start letting his hair grow immediately following the trip to the barber shop.

Done deal, though I didn't shake on it.

Shadow Mission

John Ortberg says that we are all here on earth to accomplish a mission. The Blues Brothers had theirs too. He mentions that many of us are sidetracked by our "shadow mission." These shadow missions, often a bit on the "dark side," can fill our time, but never completely satisfy. (I'm not sure into which side blogging falls.) At the end of the game of life, we all end up scattered pieces in the box - regardless of which of us owned Park Place. Think about how you want to play the game.

Holy Stalling

Do your kids try to postpone bedtime? Quinn hit upon an new strategy tonight.

During bedtime prayers, he said, " . . . and God, now I'd like to play a song for you . . . ." Then he picked up his recorder and played Hot Cross Buns until Mike told him to put it away.

Ya gotta give him credit for originality!

Post Script: A friend mentioned that Quinn could probably sue his father for restricting his religious freedom of expression. Naw . . . we don't live in California.

Jenius!

My friend's son wrote this on his name tag at church, "I'm with stuped."

Guesstures

Every played it? It's kind of like charades. The rules clearly state that no words or sound effects may be used to assist the "guessers" in guessing your gesture. However, at our house it's permissible for some to whisper, "I'm skiing. I'm skiing" while pretending to ski around the living room. It's not OK for me to fingerspell a word.

Overture for Moms

Even if you are not a mom, you have probably had a mom, so you should listen to Anita Renfroe's song.

Family Time

Thanksgiving is only two weeks away and I've decided to start preparing for conversation over turkey and dressing by doing some reading. One book for each side of the family.

Mr. Rellim tells me that I enjoy intentionally provoking others.

Not really.

Only sorta.

Basketball

Rachel had a great game tonight. She stole passes, grabbed rebounds, made a few baskets and was stylishly aggressive. She also made the crowd laugh as one shot landed - and stuck- in the crossbars above the board. Wow! There was quite an arch on that ball.

Sixth Grade

Rachel told me that she enjoys her sixth grade friends, but is annoyed by how easily distracted they are and their lack of serious participation in small group discussions.

When I was in sixth grade, I was just trying to get the high score on PacMan at the local pizza palace arcade and wondering when I was going to need a bra.

New Restaurant

I read about a new restaurant at a nearby Abraham Lincoln attraction. I'm troubled by its motto -
"Finger Lincoln Good."

Sad but true.

Q-Tips

Q-tips and toilets do not mix. In case you didn't already know, a Q-tip, paired with other Q-tip buddies, will form a pseudo-screen in the s-curve of your toilet, preventing solids from passing freely. And believe me - we have some serious solids needing to pass!!

Mr. Rellim is looking forward to using his newest Ace Hardware purchase in a few short moments - the Toilet Snake. The children are disappointed. They thought he was heading out to buy a reptile. Not so.

Another Use for Duct Tape

I heard a speaker today who suggested a mouth-sized length of duct tape if you have a tendency toward anxious chatter during emotional crises. Hmmm. . . I'd never really thought of saying NOTHING during an emotional crisis. You?

Hell - The Place

J.P. Moreland says it's not a place of torture, but that it is really a place that demonstrates God's love for the intrinsic value of each individual by allowing everyone to have free choice to accept or reject Him. Never heard it put that way before. (That doesn't mean it will be a fun place to be, however.)

Happy Tossmas

I'm really not into the politically correct facade.
Neither is this guy.

Phantom of the Opera

Some homes were graced with a short, modified rendition of the musical's title track during trick or treat hours!

"The Phantom of the Opera is here!"

Public Service Announcement

From a friendly first-grade witch on Halloween night: You know, your mom should inspect your candy before you eat it because some drunk people make poison candy at the bars just to give to kids like us!

Red Ribbon Week

Not sure who named the event, but it's all about educating our school-age students about the hazards of illegal drug use. Rachel told me about an interesting assignment she received today. Her "drug awareness person" instructed her class to google a specific illegal substance and report back on its side effects and common names.

She told us she is to tell her class about "MaryJo."

Pumpkin Patch

See how the gourds and pumpkins are walking two-by-two into the ark? I thought it was almost as funny as the overalls Rachel stuffed with ears of corn from the maze.

1969 Dodge Charger

I wonder why my parents still have this car. It has taken up half of the garage space for about thirty years, but it does go fast.

First Fall Fire

Quinn's Conference

His teacher spoke at length about his trouble listening in class and tendency to speak out of turn. I reminded her again about his four ear surgeries and auditory discrimination difficulties and how important it is to make sure he is looking at her when she speaks to him.

Then she gave me his fourth grade report card with straight "A"s. Above, the boy is pictured proudly wearing his "Straight A's" ribbon.

Hmmm . . .

Misunderestimated

I meant to ask Rachel's teacher if a particular student in class reacted negatively to Rachel's comment. What I actually said was, "When Rachel said that, did he bite?"

The teacher immediately gave me a shocked expression and said, "What?! Did he bite her?!"

I laughed.

Use for Duct Tape #7,298

Quinn and Mike are portraying David and Goliath for the educational entertainment of the preschool Sunday school class in a couple weeks. Quinn decided to create three Goliath-sized rocks from - you guess it - duct tape. I've watched them practice. It looks like it hurts to take one of those things in the head.

Nazareth

Nazareth is the name of the comedian who entertained us tonight at church. We sat in the front row and quickly learned that part of his routine depended on audience participation. He learned I am a speech path, so whenever he crossed to my side of the stage, he stood up straight and spoke slowly and clearly. He asked many people about their professions - including Mike.

Mike looked at me before answering, "I am in sales." Nazareth pressed on, "What do you sell?" Mike looked at me again, then answered, "Agricultural products." Nazareth chided him for needing my permission to speak, when Quinn suddenly shouted, "Pig semen! My dad sells pig semen!" The crowd exploded in laughter as Nazareth said, "Oh! Well, at least someone in the family knows what you do!"

It was then obvious that this Christian comedian could think of no "clean" way to make fun of pig semen sales. Nazareth proceeded to walk in a circle around the stage, commenting on random items while the crowd continued to roar. Next to me sat Quinn who kept asking what was so funny.

If you ever have the chance, go see this man!

Abstinence

I held a very one-sided conversation with Rachel the other day about abstinence, STDs and the statistical effectiveness of c o n d o m s. I think I said it all in about three breaths. Mike was sitting next to her reading the newspaper held high enough to cover his face. I don't think he was breathing at all.

When it was all over, Rachel asked, "Mom, what exactly are condos?"

I told her they were places to live - similar to apartments.

With a quizzical look, again she asked. I hedged, then said, "You don't have to know what they are! You just have to know what I said. It will make sense to you in a couple of years!"

Misbehavin'

While I was outside picking up sticks, my kids were inside stealth-watching The Simpsons. When I punished them by taking away all screen time for the rest of the evening, I was met with an angry threat, "You better give it back or else!"

Or else what?! Or else you won't pick up your bike from the middle of the street? Or else you won't put away the pile of clean clothes overflowing in your room?

Personification

Personification has been a difficult homework subject around here. Rachel was able to write sentences personifying frogs, hats and skateboards without difficulty. But she was stumped by "martian insect."

Rachel: "What the heck does a martian insect do, anyway?!"
Me: "Whatever it wants to do."
Rachel: "Then I can't write a sentence personifying the thing because if it really CAN do it, then that's not a personification!"
Me: "No one is going to be thinking that hard about it."

Not to be dissuaded, Rachel wrote a lengthy explanation to her teacher as to why the assignment cannot be completed.

Math

My poor math skills were highlighted in a previous post, reminding me of the fourth quarter of my senior math class. I think it was a mixture of trig, calculus and "imaginary number" equations that took my self-esteem in a nosedive into the depths of hell.

My parents reminded me of this during our last visit. I'm not sure why they keep bringing it up. Maybe they think my life is just too darn happy. I should cover by creating some more depressing posts.

Ah, Victory!

We were indeed the winners of the flimsy plastic bag stuffing contest! We were notified by phone that we should, "come in anytime to pick up [our] prize."

Frugality

I took my downtown Chicago sister to a favorite downstate thrift store Saturday. The "special" that day was the chance to fill a flimsy plastic bag with an unlimited number of items for $10. There were restrictions, of course - no tearing, stretching, breaking or exploding the bag. After the satisfying shopping experience, the clerk counted each item stuffed in the bag and congratulated us because we were the leaders so far that day for the most items in one bag.

Although I'm not sure what the winner will receive, I couldn't resist shouting to the other customers on the way out the door, "So long, losers!"

Let's see . . . 52 items for $10 = 5.2 cents per item. I've got Christmas whipped!

Math for Dummies update: Ten dollars divided by 52 is about 19 cents. Now I feel ripped off.

Priority?

We were expecting some friends tonight, so I was busy making pumpkin bars, picking up the house and making sure there was toilet paper in each bathroom. You know - the necessities. As I'm wondering where Mike could be, I hear this scraping sound on the roof. Disbelief mounting, I look out the front door and sure enough - there is the ladder. Mike was on the roof sweeping the leaves from the gutters. You know - the necessities of having guests.

Men ARE from Mars.

Oops!

I did it again. The last time I set my own hair on fire was while demonstrating fire safety tips to my children and nephews. This time was not so exciting. I guess I leaned over the grill too closely.

I suppose that multi-tasking is not a good thing when one task involves flammable items. It's a good thing I have a blog to track these lessons.

UPDATE: I only lost a couple hairs out of the deal. No worries. The sizzling sound and putrid smell were the worst of it.

No Picture Required

We Rellims learned a handy tip this evening. Back hair is not easily removed using packing tape. What amazed me most was the fairly willing participant tolerating the swarm of packing tape action.

Living History

We took the kids to this place to learn about life in the 1840s. Here you see Quinn having a grand ol' time playing a game with sticks and a ring. Whose idea was it to invent the Gameboy, anyway?

P.S. True confession time - as we pulled into the pasture to park the van, the people in the car next to us decided to open their doors and hold a family meeting, trapping me inside my vehicle. Forgetting my window was partially open I said to no one in particular (in a medium-loud voice), "What?! Do they think I'm not getting out today?"

Yeah, I'm pretty glad we haven't put that fish sticker on the car yet.

Overachievers

What's a surprise birthday party without a pick-up game of "Name That Tune" using party favors? These two are showing off the no-hands version of the game. Very complicated, yet highly entertaining.

Baby Doll Dress

Linguisystems

How do I love thee? Let me count the number of CEUs I earned for FREE on your continuing education website just last night.

Eight.

Fine Print

I was trying to read the instructions on the packaging of my new reading glasses that I picked up at CVS pharmacy. The instructions explained how to remove the packaging from the glasses. But I couldn't read the fine print without the glasses. And I couldn't see the instructions while wearing the glasses.

Hot Sauce

Mike has been working a lot lately, but that's a good thing. It means more business for the piggies.

Anyway, since he missed supper again, the kids and I were a little bored, so we found ourselves involved in a hot sauce eating contest. I was running a close second as the kids were both tied for first.

Genius struck as I picked up the bottle and shook it into my mouth to finish the game and earn the championship.

It's the little joys in life that make it worth all the hassle.