Good Answer

Quinn had his annual cleft palate team evaluation last week. The plastic surgeon visited first and asked him, "Tell me about your scar."

Quinn asked, "My what?"

I said, "Does that answer your question?"

The surgeon said, "Perfectly."

I wonder how much we will be charged for that consultation?

And the winner is . . .

- my sister Jodie!! She guessed that Quinn was talking about his shoes. Correct!

Quinn had been playing basketball in flip-flops and decided they were not the correct foot gear (He called them utensils.), so he changed into tennis shoes.

Thanks to all who entered the contest.

Special Moment

I was doing the math in my head before announcing to Rachel that we had just saved $34 dollars by using coupons at the grocery store. I then held up my right hand toward her (my left hand was driving) for a "high five." Rachel did not high five me, but turned toward her van window and raised her right hand.

hahaha! She thought I was waving to someone and wanted to be polite!

Quinnism

I looked around the corner to see what he was talking about when he said, "These are not the correct utensils for playing basketball!"

What was he doing??

Please post your guess in the comments for this post. The winner will receive an autographed photo of the young man himself. Entry de adline 4/7/09.

The Truth

My neighbor annoys the heck out of me! Every time I see her, I wave and smile. Every day she speaks to me it's something new. Today she insinuated that her dog is smarter than my children because her dog understands that the ugly brown stakes along the property line indicate the end of her territory. Then she informed me that she would not be replacing the privacy fence between us because of it costing $8,000. I don't know who gave her that estimate. Someone who didn't want to do the work?

I thought I'd help her out, so I just planted thirteen ornamental grasses on our side of the property line. They should grow to be eight to ten feet high and two feet wide. They were free. Mrs. neighbor is all in a dither. Maybe I should have made the line a bit straighter . . . or spaced them equally apart. . . .

Hmmm . . . what to do with the $8K I just saved? How is this not loving your neighbor?

Well Said

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth."

— Henry David Thoreau

Ode to Yoda

Yoda was the German Shepherd at the farm. I mostly viewed him as a manure-encrusted, hairy tire-chaser. Mr. Rellim strongly disagreed and reminded me of the time that Yoda endured Rachel's thumping him on the head in order to save the farm chicken he had clenched between his teeth. True - Rachel is lucky to have escaped that without a scrape. Mr. Rellim also informed me of the many times that Yoda blocked Quinn from running out in front of a tractor or truck (Why the dog was babysitting, I don't understand. That will be a post for another day.).

Anyway, thanks be to Yoda. You were a good dog and I didn't even know it.

Put on your Sense of Humor

Still Learning

Quinn brought home a spelling test on which he achieved a 71%. There was a note from the teacher asking him why he did so poorly since it was an "open book" test. I asked Quinn the same question. He told me, "Well, I just wanted to learn from my mistakes."

I said, "Time to start learning!" and made him write each misspelled word correctly three times. Quinn was not happy. But I think he was learning.

I Quit

. . . after considering things like tuition, homework, fees, actually going to class, textbook rental, time and energy, and the fact that I don't really want to be a principal.

I mean, I do like to be in charge of things, but I really like giving people my opinion, then going on with my day.

All Wet at the Bridal Shower

I arrived late to my coworker's bridal shower, just in time to see her stand behind the cake for a picture. Another woman whom I did not recognize stood with her behind the cake. The cake said, "Congratulations Terri and Pat." I knew Terri. I assumed Pat must be another employee in the building who was also getting married, but whom I had not met.

I asked someone, "Who's Pat?" (meaning, "Who is that woman that I don't know?")

Someone answered, "Pat is Terri's fiance'." (meaning, "Pat is Terri's fiance'.")

I should not have started laughing hysterically when I learned that the woman I did not know was not named Pat, had never worked in the building and was actually Terri's mom.

Artificial Intelligence

I believe that the machines at my Curves workout center have gained consciousness. They expect more and more each time. I imagine that they talk to each other and tell jokes about how my seat spills over the sides of their seats.

How am I so sure this can happen? Have you read the blog managed by the President's teleprompter? Have you seen Eagle Eye?

Senior Math

I think this might have actually been lifted from my senior math final in 1988. Of course, this answer is better than anything I could have come up with.

Bathing

Rachel: What do you mean I won't be able to shower after track today? I have to go right to church?! I could . . . get a yeast infection! (not sure where that came from)

Quinn: Get a grip, Rachel! I've not taken a shower for like three days straight and I've NEVER had a yeast infection!

Well, I guess that settles it.

Zits

I have a new favorite comic strip. Maybe it's funny to me because I'm starting to identify with the parents. The strip today made me laugh out loud! I hope you can link to it here.

The teenage boy says to his mother, "MOM! There aren't any clean towels in my room! I just had to dry off with a bag of cotton balls and some pocket lint." The mom replies, "I handed you a stack of clean towels two days ago and they're still sitting there on the stairs where you left them." The boy turns around, glances at the towels on the stairs, crosses his arms and says, "Oh sure, everything's my fault."

Oh! And another great comic that was "stripped" from our local papers, likely because of it's traditional views, is Mallard Fillmore. I usually got a chuckle out of that one too. You can access either of them from the links on the right also. Enjoy.

Prodigal Family

Ever wondered what it might be like to adopt a little girl from China? Check out www.prodigalfamily.com to learn about this family's experience so far. The father of the family is our friends' son. I'm hooked to the touching posts.

We Have Skills, But Not Carpentry Ones

There are several carpenters in our family. Unfortunately, Mr. Rellim and I do not have such skills. Yes, this is how I used duct tape to "fix" the tile in the bathroom. We also have little knowledge about carpentry to pass on to our children. I heard Quinn say something about a "screw and nugget" that fell off his shoe. You see, his PaPa, with carpenter-like skill had repaired Quinn's strap on his Crock by fastening it with a nut and bolt. You gotta admit - both are ingenious, frugal and simple solutions.

I suppose I should learn some more carpenter terms so we won't sound so silly when we talk to the contractor next week about the bathroom work.

$1,000,000,000,000.00

Ever wonder what one trillion dollars looks like in stacks of one hundred dollar bills?

Happy Birthday, Quinn!

Quinn turned eleven years old yesterday! As part of his gift, PaPa came to visit, then whisked him from this "house of torture" [torturous rules, that is (such as putting away clothes, brushing teeth, flushing the toilet, etc.)] to visit with his Grandma Rellim.

Aunt Claire

I remember one Thanksgiving watching my sister's boyfriend eating a large piece of pumpkin pie. Aunt Claire had baked it herself and she sat close by the young man as he kept shoveling it in. I noticed that he kept adding more and more whipped topping to each bite, and continued to smile as Aunt Claire observed. Later, we learned that the pumpkin pie tasted awful! Aunt Claire had forgotten to add the sugar. Indeed, the omission of one ingredient can ruin the entire recipe.

Martin Luther declared, "If I profess with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at that moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ, however boldly I may be professing Christ. Where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved, and to be steady on all the battlefield besides is mere flight and disgrace if he flinches at that point" (The God Who is There, Francis Schaeffer).

Go, Mom!

I promise, you'll be laughing about this in about three years, Mom.

Seriously, I didn't see you come out of the grocery store, so I took another spin around the block. When I passed the grocery store entrance again, you still weren't there, so I drove around a little more. You know, you're somewhat responsible for the little "mishap." I mean, if you hadn't taken off jogging across the parking lot trying to cut me off at the corner, I might have seen you. You're really lucky you didn't drop the milk or crush the large sack of groceries.

How about if we just think of the incident as an unplanned cardio workout? You probably just gave your metabolism a little boost there.

It Started Out Good

We saved $500.00 this year and I was looking forward to paying a little extra on the van loan or maybe planning a road trip for late spring. Alas, while cleaning the tiled wall in the shower, one of the tiles mushed into the wall, revealing a rotting surface. AAAGGGGHHH! Our carpenter neighbor said he could fix it all up good for about $2500.

"That's a pretty nice road trip," I told him.

Hmmm . . . eradicate the bathroom of moldy, rotten green board or take a family vacation away from the whole mess?

(not so) Deep Thought

Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken,
a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Me Too!

"Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught."

— Sir Winston Churchill

How to Offend Great Britain

In one gift or less . . .

Send a block of 25 movies to the Prime Minister in exchange for a meaningful, priceless artifact. Throw in an old block bust of Churchill while you're at it.

Completely Edible

It's a golden butter cake covered in fondant that I dyed royal blue and it's supposed to resemble a Bakugan. If you aren't familiar with this new toy craze, check out this link. Thanks to Donna F. for allowing me to borrow her Wilton cake pan. I suppose it could have been used to create a soccer ball or half a de ath star.

Question of the Century

"Had he been ill?"

inquired the poorly-attentive youngster following the story of Jesus' dea th and resurrection.

Paul Harvey was Right!

"(W)hen a strict interpretation of the Constitution ... is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under the government of individual men, who for the time being have power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of what it ought to mean."

— Supreme Court Justice Benjamin Curtiss, March 6, 1857, dissenting from the Dred Scott ruling that slaves were property

Let Me Help You

My parents were two of the 19 family members who visited with us this weekend in celebration of Quinn's birthday and Rachel's musical performance. They decided to stay at a local bed and breakfast and I offered to drive them in their van since it was getting dark. Actually, I insisted on driving them (because I know my way around town, the college kids were out on a warm evening, etc.).

Their confidence in me wavered as I popped open the hood instead of releasing the emergency brake, then cut into my front yard backing out of the driveway. Thankfully, no family or friends were injured in the making of this blog post.

Opening Night

This is opening night for the BIG BAD MUSICAL. Rachel is portraying Dorothy tonight and Little Miss Muffet tomorrow. Mr. Rellim thinks the costume makes her look like a hooker. I think the costume is more like a progressive Bo Peep.

Red Envelopes

Here's an interesting idea to make a statement in support of life. Can you spare one square (one square stamp, that is)?

Basketball

Quinn played his fifth basketball game of the season. He endured his fifth loss. BUT . . . he did make eight points, sinking a free throw and a three pointer. Encouraged by his example, most players on his team tried to sink their own three-pointers, but failed miserably. And by miserably, I mean missed-the-back-board kind of shot. It's all in good fun, right?

A Great Guy

"In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these."

— Paul Harvey, Sept. 4, 1918 — Feb. 28, 2009

Christian Catch-22

I am a believer who sins. The media calls me a hypocrite. I believe in moral right v. wrong. I'm labeled as judgmental. I share my faith through communicating the gospel. I'm suddenly intolerant.

I'm having a hard time reconciling these perceptions with reality. Perhaps I need a little more love in my life.

Hair

Quinn's at it again. His hair is officially two inches high. A relative asset for his basketball team, I suppose.

About Socks

Will one extra sock really make a difference in my pile of laundry? Will the possibility of re-washing a clean sock really bother me?

No and no.

So why did I just pick up that sock from the floor and (ACK!) smell it? Why did I just submit my nose to the odoriferous sweaty sock?

I don't know.

But I do have a new personal rule: Stray socks go immediately to the laundry room without passing GO, without collecting $200 and without having to pass a sniff test. Confirmation of sock stewardship will occur at a later time.

Should I?

I'm considering writing a letter to our new Governor, stating that I have never been solicited for campaign funds by Blago, nor have I ever voted for him - just in case there will be an open Senate seat for Illinois in the near future. Seems like our political leaders change as often as the weather here. What's the story in Minnesota?

All the Money in the World

All the US currency currently in existence in the world, could not fund the pork product passed by the present Congress. Watch this quick video for a visual.

HSM III

I watched it again tonight. AWESOME! I might have to buy it!

One Million Every Day

A friend of mine uses the term economic "STINKulus" package when talking about the new spending plan from Capital Hill. I heard a Republican Congressman from Texas on TV last night who stated that much of the money in this plan is not scheduled to be spent until after 2010. If I'm not mistaken, there should be an election that year and this same Congressman said if the Republicans gain some seats, they would rescind the bill, halting further porky stimuLESS spending. Did you know that in order to spend 800 billion dollars, you would have to spend 1 million dollars a day for 2000 years? That's what this video states.

Numbers

33 - workouts I've had at Curves since December 29, 2008
234 - calories I burned during today's workout
0 - pounds I've lost since beginning this workout routine
110 - My heart rate when I ponder the injustice of it all
$3.19 - The cost of a 1/2 pint of Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream

In Less Than Two Minutes

I was working with a group of Kindergarteners today and wondered if it was a full moon. In less than two minutes, I observed the following:
1. "Billy" picked up his backpack, swung in around and hit himself in the privates.
2. Not to be ignored, "Billy" announced loudly, "Hey! Ow! I just hit my privates with my bookbag!"
3. "Henry," twisting around to catch the privates-bashing incident, walked into a door frame. (I ignored them both)
4. "Jimmy," sitting quietly, raised his hand and asked if he could ask "Johnny" a question. (I gave him permission to do so.)
5. "Jimmy" asked, "Hey, Johnny, what's your dog's name?" (Not sure what that had to do with my activity . . .)
6. "Johnny" answered with a word that was unintelligible and the entire group laughed heartily.

Happiness must peak at age five. Seriously.

When She is Rich

When Rachel is rich, she will have the money to hire someone to follow her around and pick things up when she leaves them somewhere. I noticed that someone left the freezer door open all day. Glad it's cold outside. Rachel used my makeup yesterday because she couldn't find hers. I looked in her room and couldn't even find the floor in her room. I only knew it was there because I was walking across it. I found her long lost tennis shoes under the kitchen table, her yearbook order form crumpled in a wad near the computer desk and a hairbrush on her bed. She forgot to finish her homework last night, but did manage to create a modest-sized puppet out of brown paper bags and puffy paint. I found it on my nightstand when I went to bed.

But I love my absent-minded professor!

What the Heck

I just applied to the local university's graduate college a few hours ago. It was sort of on a whim. I was just looking at the site for a Master's in Educational Administration and the application was online, and the fee was only $30, and they accepted my Visa card.

My son is peeved. He thinks if I sign up for college classes that I will have to move out and live in the dorms or something. He shouted to his father, "Dad! Dad! Mom just applicated to a college! Doesn't she know we need her?! Why is she trying to abandon us?! I'm going to find that website and UN-applicate her!!"

A few minutes later, upon gaining (relative) composure, Quinn drummed his fingers together and contemplated, "Well . . . if you are in college, then WE WILL BE HOME ALONE! YES!!"

Hunger Pains

9:24 pm: Mom, I can't sleep. I'm too hungry.

7:03 am: Mom, I can't eat. I'm too tired.

Bold Fresh

Whether or not you like the guy, this book is a great read. In it, O'Reilly takes you for a ride down (his) memory lane and spins (pun intended) some great tales from his life. These stories help the reader to understand how his character, worldview and life mission were formed.

His mission, by the way, is to expose villains and protect the "folks." He shared several laugh-out-loud adventures. Really - you should check it out.

Mr. Clean

I can't believe it! These Magic Erasers really did "erase" the soap scum from my bathtub. Not even Soft Scrub with bleach did it very well.

I'll let you know if there are any strange residue issues.

Quoth the Librarian

to the knucklehead ahead of us in line, who continued with a barrage of annoying questions, including "Why don't you just write on the front of my library card? Why is this taking so long? Did you know there's a long line waiting for you?":

"I'm printing the front of your new library card on this rare typewriter technology, however, since you are concerned about those behind you in line, I'll serve them first."

Score. We were full of smiles and giggles during the entire situation.

Vocabulary

I've learned a few new words this week. Can't wait to try them out. I admonish you to learn a few.

Blooter: (Noun) A babbler, a bumbling idiot, a fool.

Popinjay: A vain or conceited person, one given to pretentious displays. (I don't think this has anything to do with post-holiday light displays.)

Bloviate: To discourse at length in a pompous or boastful manner

Passive-Aggressive

So we still have one strand of Christmas lights on our mailbox. So they shine from 4:30-6:30 pm. So they are directly in line with our neighbor's kitchen window. So this neighbor is completely compulsive about everything. So what? I've been too busy to take them down because I've been trying to figure out how to remove the broken basketball hoop from the side yard.

The Prodigal God

Prodigal means "recklessly spendthrift" - giving or spending all you have without inhibition. So here are the Cliff Notes:

We all know the story of the Prodigal Son:
1) Younger son boldly requests his inheritance then mindlessly spends it all.
2) Father grants the odd request in the first place, then lovingly forgives this son and pours out his love to him upon the younger son's repentant return.
3) Older son has been spending his time and energy obeying and doing his father's work and is upset at his father's loving reaction to the younger brother's return.

According to Timothy Keller, this parable is teaching more than forgiveness and repentance. Are any of these characters spending time or talents wisely? Which do you most identify with?

2:04 p.m.

At exactly 2:04 p.m. central standard time, this young lady became a teenager. Let the jello-nailing begin! Happy birthday, Rachel! We love you!

Be Safe

"The safest road to hell is the gradual one — the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts."

— C. S. Lewis, author

Speaking of unpleasantness, my son reported that he has been counting how many times he passes gas in a day. He heard that the average number is fifteen. WHERE did he hear that? Is there an average?

Checked

I'm not sure if Mr. Rellim is pulling my leg or not, but when he called from Indy this afternoon, he was proud of himself for having over two hours to spare before his flight departure and also seemed pleased to have no carry-on luggage. "What do you mean?" said the lonely wife, wondering how he was carrying his car keys, pain medicine, etc.

"Checked." said Mr. Rellim.

I guess he does not remember the tour of The Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro, Alabama in 2006. As much as I love to say it, I really, really hope I won't have to say "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Doritos

Doritos wins (so far) for my favorite super bowl commercial.

Throttle Position Sensor

I'm told this is what my van needs. I wonder how much labor is involved in replacing this $32 part?

Overheard

While waiting at the chiropractor's office this afternoon, I overheard a new patient loudly giving his health history to the receptionist. (I think he was hard-of-hearing.) His birth date was 1942 and when asked the last time he had seen his physician he answered,

"Well . . . 1969. That's when I had my appendix out."

May your health history be so uncomplicated.

I'm OK

But I wasn't faking. My wrist really did hurt. I really couldn't do the dishes or open stuck lids for the last few days. Even my handwriting has suffered, though admittedly it had not far to go to reach illegibility.

In summary: Sprain = Pain

Snow Plow

Last summer we received a letter from the company who regularly clears our driveway of snow, informing us that we were officially dropped from their list of customers because we do not contract lawn care with them.

The letter should have said, "We will no longer be clearing snow from your driveway UNLESS there has been no significant snowfall until mid-January, at which point we WILL LOUDLY plow the ONE INCH of snow from your driveway at exactly 4:38 am. However, this snow-plowing service will be revoked if our contractual lawn-care customers actually need their driveways cleared the next morning because of almost ten inches of snow. In that case, you will need to secure another service for snow removal. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Does anyone have some energetic youngsters on this beautiful snow day who would like to make a couple bucks?

We Started It

Has anyone found our twelve-inch Illinois car magnet? It was last seen on the back of our dear friends' Durango, who happen to be Ohio State fans. Interestingly, the magnet maintained its fix for approximately 3 and 1/2 days before disappearing.
Ha! Ha! Gotcha!

TMI (A PG-Rated Post)

True Story, but not my son! Hooray!

A young man told his teacher:
I have to go home early today. Wanna know why?
I don't have any underwear on.
Wanna know why?
I crapped my pants.
Well, really I just farted and some poop came out.

The student was gently informed that if it ever happened again he could just say that he had an accident in his pants.

It's Official

My roller skating days are over. Today the roller rink was blessed with my performance of a spectacular wipe out. I'm now anxiously awaiting the Monday morning opening of the chiropractor's office. And based on the increasing pain in my left wrist, with concomitant loss of digit function, it's looking like the radiology department may get a visit also.

FYI: When attempting speed demon moves on roller skates, never underestimate the unpredictable swerving abilities of small children. On the bright side, by taking the crash solo, I may have saved the lives of three innocents.

Ground Hog Day

Remember this movie starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell?

We watched it tonight and started a conversation about what each of us would do if faced with living a day over and over and over again, knowing there would be no consequences. Would we eat whatever? say whatever? steal? cheat? In the movie, Murray (finally) learns the best way to spend his time is to serve others, the "curse" ends and time moves forward.

Quinn told us that if he could live the same day over and over he would, "streak all over the world!" I'll give him some more time to think about that one. Stay tuned.

My Nephew

Owen was planning an afternoon with his daddy at the arcade. On the way out the door he said to his mother, "Hey mommy, why don't you do some stuff just for me today? You know . . . like . . . clean up around here, etcetera. OK, Mom?"

He's so sweet and silly.

Little Pharoah

I asked Quinn if he'd like cheese and crackers for an after-school snack. He said, "YES! So let it be written. So let it be done."

OK.

Peaceful Transfer of Power

Amazing. I might look for a hat just like Aretha's. But . . . what's up with Kanye West at the Youth Inaugural Ball? I guess I'm no longer a youth.

And on a pro-life note: Here is a great commercial aired today from http://www.catholicvote.com/.

Favorite Aunt?

My sister went shopping for a specific shirt from a specific mall store per Rachel's birthday request. Here is a partial quote:

Went into Hollister for the first and last time today. It was dark and so loud that I had to scream to Chris who was standing right next to me. Got out ASAP. Next tried Abercrombie and Fitch. It was stinky and still pretty loud. At least there were naked people all over the walls and several [strange people] to hold my attention as I waited in line to pay for my purchase for twenty minutes. YIKES!!! I hope the purchase is worth it. Not even going to wrap it, just going to hand your daughter the bag with the two half naked men on it as wrapping. Love you.

I told my sister therein lies the dilemma. How much torture can she endure for the coveted title of "favorite aunt?"

Religious Freedom Day

"Religious freedom is the foundation of a healthy and hopeful society.
On Religious Freedom Day, we ... celebrate the first liberties enshrined
in our Constitution's Bill of Rights, which guarantee the free exercise
of religion for all Americans and prohibit an establishment of religion."

— President George W. Bush, proclaiming January 16, 2009,
as Religious Freedom Day

Cold. So Cold.

Mr. Rellim started a big, roaring fire when he got home from work this evening. Unfortunately, he forgot to open the flue. Now our doors and windows are open to air out the joint. I wish I hadn't wasted all that time dusting last night.

Refinancing

I've been pestering the kids to help pick up the house. Quinn asked why. I told him because a man would be here at 7:00 am tomorrow to appraise our home. Quinn said, "But why tomorrow?! It's not even Sunday!"

I realized that he mistook "appraise" for "praise." I'm not sure if that is even a job - home praising. I suppose there are stranger religions.

New Day. New Shot.

Mr. Rellim received another translateralowhoopadigger epidural injection today. (I can't remember the exact term, but the needle was about twice as long because it was inserted laterally into the spine in order to get closer to the nerve root.) I didn't have to ask to be included in the procedure room this time. The doctor invited me in. Mike thinks it's because the doc was showing off for me. I think it's because I ask a lot of questions and it's just easier to show me.

Anyway, Rachel and Mike are at a basketball game tonight, so I think he's feeling better.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Rellim!

Here's to better birthday presents this year - although those trousers do look pretty snazzy!

Chemistry

In some college chemistry classes each student is asked to identify an unknown substance. There are many methods by which this can be ascertained; none though as quick as that demonstrated by my nearly 13-year-old daughter.

Just five minutes ago Rachel showed me a sandwich bag full of what looked to be pencil shavings and asked, "Mom, what is this?" Many questions raced through my mind including where in the heck she found it. Never did I think to tell her, "Whatever you do - DON'T stick your finger in the bag and taste it."

Well, I should have thought it because she did it. Tasting is definitely not my first choice when attempting to identify an unknown. You? Fortunately it was a bag full of bran from my mother who wants me to start cooking healthy.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Hahaha! I had forgotten about this picture. My sisters and I were attempting to NOT smile for a family photo so that we could print it in black and white. Let me provide captions for you from L to R starting in the back.
Marcie: I'm in a trance. Let me stay here.
Jodie: Ha! I put you in that trance.
Jamie: Bull! You are both in trances because I SAID SO.
Kelly: What?
Mom: Yup. Those are trances all right.
Dad: Four girls. What are the odds?

Six Minutes

That's how long Rachel hollered, "Mom! Dad! Mom! Dad! Someone turn off my light!" (repeat).

I was already in bed, so did my best to ignore her (Aren't I a good mom?). Mr. Rellim (sporting a softer heart than me) finally came to her aid, at which time she exclaimed, "You know I've been yelling for six minutes? Six minutes!! How hard is it to come turn off my light?!"

I thought to myself how easy it would have been for me to walk in and throw a pillow at her. I also thought how easy it would be for Rachel to sit up, take three steps and turn off the light herself. Mike must have decided it wasn't worth it to argue logic with her at 9:45 pm. He's such a good dad.

27 Degrees

It was only 27 degrees out today and my son insisted that he did not need his winter coat - only his ski mask. He did concede, however, to carrying his winter coat to school. I wonder if it's legal to profile grade-schoolers on the basis of winter wear?

In other winter news: Quinn lost another pair of gloves. Maybe we will find them in a glorious Florida home with the mismatched socks. Or maybe they are on the Island of Misfit Toys.

New Year's Resolutions?

Have you made any? I'm going to get back in shape and fuss at my family less. Here are some resolutions for every day that I lifted from an article by Max Lucado:

– Once a week, let a child take you on a walk.
– Make major decisions in a cemetery.
– Don’t spend tomorrow’s money today.
– Pray twice as much as you fret.
– Listen twice as much as you speak.
– Never outgrow your love of sunsets.
– God has forgiven you; you’d be wise to do the same.
– Toot your own horn and the notes will be flat.
– The book of life is lived in chapters, so know your page number.
– Never let the important be the victim of the trivial.
– Live your liturgy.

Debt Cures

I read a book this week by Kevin Trudeau titled "Debt Cures They Don't want you to Know about." I think it could be better titled, "If you have a lot of debt, here are many ways you can avoid paying it by tricking the collection agencies."

I think Saturday Night Live did a skit once about this very subject. Their book was titled "If You Don't Have the Cash, Don't Buy It." That was the title of the book, the subject of each chapter and the words on each page. Could you imagine such a world?!

Banditos Bonitos

It's kinda hard to tell here, but my mother thought it would be a good idea to buy her five grandsons ski masks for Christmas. Of course, the boys all thought Grandma had purchased bank robbing outfits for them. Hilarious!

Happy New Year!

What could be better than a day of leisure, minimal sibling rivalry, a batch of homemade caramel corn and a good movie? Top it off with a game of Scrabble in front of a roaring fire (where mom kicks butt!) and you've got a recipe for a happy family.

"The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose, new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. …
Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective."

— G.K. Chesterton

Curves

Curves. I visited the work-out center for the first time in five years. Rachel tagged along. We signed up for a 12-month contract. The owner took a quick health history, weighed and measured us, then asked if I had any goals in terms of health/fitness. I told her I'd like to weigh less than now since this is how much I weighed when I was six months pregnant! She thought that was a good choice. Oh, yeah! And I want to curtail the growth of "grandma" triceps as much as possible. I'll let you know how it goes.

Ahhh . . . Togetherness!

Rachel jumped out of the (slowly moving) van today to escape being with her mother. Quinn is in his room crying because he has the worst mother in the world. What have I done to deserve this?

I asked them to (1) put away their clothes and (2) pick up their bedrooms.

Now that Mr. Rellim is helping to direct this effort, I've heard screams of, "Nobody loves me! Now I know you BOTH hate me! If you loved me you wouldn't put me through this torture!"

Christmas Things

Christmas Follies

Flippin' Serious

There is a new rule at our house. Any use of the following words will bring a 24-hour time out period for the guilty party's favorite electronic device: frickin', freakin', frackin' flippin', fudgin'. Why? Ask my son, who hollered a sentence at the roller rink (during the 3 seconds of near-quiet) that very closely resembled the granddaddy of all "f" words.

Yes Ball

Santa brought gifts to our house yesterday. It's pretty typical for him to visit our house before the 25th because we are rarely home that morning. Anyway, I picked up a free "Magic 8" ball from a vendor at my national conference and thought it would be a great stocking stuffer for Quinn. It was. He opened it and screamed, "Awesome! I always wanted a YES BALL!"

The Office

I've spent ridiculous amounts of time watching DVD episodes of The Office. I had heard of the TV series, but had not ever actually caught an episode until last month. Very, very entertaining. Unfortunately, my children are hooked also. Quinn can't understand why a boss can be so stupid and why the employees don't just quit and find a new job. I explained satire and told him if everyone quit, the show wouldn't exist.

Same Size

Mother, daughter and son are now wearing the same size shoe. Yet, mother still has several inches in height over them - this year. It seems the kids are on a growth pattern similar to the German versus the Irish genetics. Must be all the wienerschnitzel. (Sixteen is my limit.)

Pound Cake on Ice

Well, in the bushes, actually. That's where two of them landed after I slipped on ice on the front doorstep of my neighbor's home (No, not that neighbor.). Having spent over two hours making them, I couldn't just let them lie there. Misshapen, yet still safely wrapped, I managed to fish them out of the bushes and present them to our closest neighbors. They would understand.

By the way, all our neighbors were given this small token of Christmas cheer. Don't you wish you were my neighbor?

We Got 'em

"We got 'em up here on the roof!" Remember that line spoken by a Chicago police officer in the movie The Fugitive with Harrison Ford? If not, it doesn't really matter anyway. What I'm talking about is the menagerie of items on our roof.

Sunday after church, Rachel complained of her shoes smelling badly. Sunday afternoon, she threw them on the roof. Snowday Tuesday, Rachel threw a neighborhood friend's hat on the roof. "He was asking for it, " she stated simply. Iceday Wednesday I noticed a scarf on the roof and two wiener roasters. I wonder when this is going to end.

Please, please let there be school tomorrow.

Decorating Done

Modesty is His Middle Name

Mr. Rellim had an MRI on his lower back today. He told me that it was a tight squeeze to get his shoulders in the tube. I tried not to think about it. Instead, I kept remembering when we first entered the waiting room. The MRI technician handed him hospital pants to change into and my husband dropped his trousers right then to "suit up." Fortunately, no one else walked in.

Endurance

"I would rather lose in a cause that will some day win,
than win in a cause that will some day lose."

— President Woodrow Wilson

Not with a 39 1/2 foot pole.

Recently, my husband pointed out their similarities. I thought you might like to see them side-by-side.

But however much one tries to steal or distort, no one can keep Christmas from coming.

Best Driver Award

I noticed a black smudge on the bumper of my white van. Then I noticed a broken tail light. Knowing that I did not hit anything and also knowing that I am the primary driver, I assumed it must have been a parking lot mishap. I thought I'd begin my investigation by noting which cars at my place of employment were black, then follow up with a polite email asking if perhaps they had inadvertently bumped my van. It was a risky thing to do, so I asked Mr. Rellim for his opinion.

That's when he chuckled and told me about how he backed the van into the basketball hoop about three weeks ago! He'd been wondering how long it would take me to notice.

Quinnisms

Maybe he'll be President some day! Today he begged to play his Nintendo DS. I told him not until December 19th. He begged again, then added, "PLEEEEAAASE? With supervisation?"

A few days ago he talked about how much he liked the confession stand at the basketball game. I'm pretty sure that might be illegal at the public school they attend.

So Far, So Good

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. (Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius AD 161-180) And a big thank you to D.S. for the best quote of the day!

Not My Station

I listen to a radio station that plays Christmas music 24/7 until 12/25. Today, I jumped in the van and a new song was playing. The lyrics were something like, "Baby, I will take you there. I will cover you. I will take care of you. I will lead you to heaven." I thought it was an interesting Christmas song. It wasn't until the next song started playing that I realized this was NOT my radio station. The lyrics began like this, "Ya know the pimp's in the crib and the - " WHAT?! I don't even know what that means.

Adjective

Tangy.
That's not an adjective I like to hear in the same phrase as, "Mom the milk tastes . . . ."

New Vocabulary

"Dad! You're really starting to adjectate me!"