For Real

I'm not sure that I will remember in thirteen years that I'll want to get the heck out of dodge during the month of June. These pictures will help me to remember. I now have an inkling of how the Egyptians may have felt during the locust plague.

Birds and Bees

And cicadas, of course. Quinn told me that he and Rachel saw a cicada yesterday that had two heads - one on each end of its body. He stated that it must have been a freak of nature. I let him in on a secret: Those cicadas were mating. Gross!

Lauren Graduated

Congratulations to Lauren on her high school graduation. All the Rellim cousins were there to witness the ceremony.

Cicada plague continues

We tried to take a walk this morning before the cicadas awoke. I don't think the things are sleeping now. Even at 6:30 am before temperatures rose, the bugs were dive-bombing us. I'm sure I woke some neighbors with my shrieks.

Notice the gross amounts of discarded exoskeletons at the base of this tree. The dead carcasses are mixed in and give a putrid smell of wet dog.

I admit I was intrigued by them during the first couple days, but now they are the enemy.

Happy Belated Easter

Just found this picture on my camera of all the grandkids on my side of the family. Baby Evelyn was not impressed with the photo op.

Entertainment on the Cheap

Millions of freaky orange-eyed cicadas plus one brand-new electric bug zapper equals hours of family entertainment.

Another Bargain

Look what I bought for a buck at a rummage sale this afternoon!

So, I don't have a child that size anymore. So what? My sister does.

Much Fun

Congratulations to Savannah, who graduated last weekend. And congratulations to her mama, who hosted a wonderful party, complete with A PHOTO BOOTH! What a great idea. You could get one too. And our pictures are (almost) family-friendly.

When I Grow Up

When I grow up, I'm going to be fifteen. My body will be in shape - there will be no effects from gravity. I will live on french fries, hot fudge sundaes and cheeseburgers without complication. I will read in the dark without glasses. I won't pay taxes, worry about political scandals or wonder what my teenage daughter is saying in her 2,000+ texts per month - nevermind to whom they are being sent. And best of all - I will be indestructable, omniscient and full of advice for my elders - who should just "get with it already!"

Fast Break

At halftime of the soccer game, Rachel's team was up six to zip. The coach decided to liven things up a bit by pulling Rachel out of the goalie cage and onto the field. Within minutes, Rachel was making a fast break toward the goal. She was soccer-dribbling like nobody's business when suddenly, as she briefly looked up to assess her distance from goal, she tripped and fell. It wasn't a cool "trip, roll, recover" kind of fall. It was more of a "trip, mis-kick, slip, thud, fetal position" maneuver.

Mike and I laughed our butts off! Her coach was heard to say, "And that's why she's our goalie!"

Could this be the reason our daughter isn't talking to us right now?

Hedbanz

It's a great game for both expressive and receptive language skills as well as working memory and problem-solving. Each person wears a headband with a picture card facing the other players. The player asks questions in order to obtain clues about what picture is on the card.

Yesterday (before I knew I had washed my ipod nano), I was enjoying just such a game, when the little girl asked about her picture card, "What group am I in?" I answered, "You are a condiment." She smiled and guessed, "ANTARCTICA!"

I laughed (Because that's what a good clinician does to help the confidence level of her students). Alas, the picture on the card was ketchup.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!

I've asked nicely. I've begged. I've pleaded. I've even resorted to shouting to try to get my kids to check their pockets before putting clothing in the washing machine. Until yesterday, the biggest offender has been chapstick and chewing gum. Today, I'm humiliated to admit that I - and only I - was responsible for washing my ipod nano in the pocket of my workout hoodie.

Surprisingly, there are many, many hits when I google, "Help! I washed my ipod!"

Twaddle

I heard this word on a news program last night. I'm gonna try to use it tomorrow. (Not trivial or foolish speech, but the new vocab word itself!) I dare you to try.

twad·dle/ˈtwädl/
Noun: Trivial or foolish speech or writing; nonsense.
Verb: Talk or write in a trivial or foolish way

Soccer Goalie

That's my girl jumping to defend the goal! Fun Fact: No team has scored against her yet this year.

Bossypants

Very, very funny book, though I was shocked at the number of times the "f" word was used, while at the same time being impressed with the creative use of it.

Epic Fail

"Epic fail" are the words Rachel used to describe the solo I sang in worship this morning. I told her it was a free-form sort of prayer-like song without consistent tempo and with only minor amounts of piano accompaniment. Chris Rice, ya know? She was not to be persuaded. It was a difficult song to pull off, really.

Singing is Hard Work

Quinn has often told me that he believes show choir should be considered a sport due to its strenuous physical requirements. Today he may have convinced me. I was sitting in the audience while his choir was singing and my mind was contemplating how exactly the boy next to Quinn was producing bilabial sounds without closing his lips when I suddenly noticed that Quinn's red and white striped shirt was on the floor. Then I realized that Quinn was no longer standing on the riser.

He's all better now, but getting up at 4:45 am did nothing to diminish the butt-kicking he's receiving from the tree pollen and I guess he just forgot to breathe enough. Chorus concerts can be exciting, you know.

It Was a Happy Easter

Too bad we didn't get a picture from Mr. Rellim's family. Brain fart.

Blessings

What if the trials of this life are your blessings in disguise? A friend of mine told me about Laura Story's new song "Blessings." Give it a listen.

Periwinkle?

What color is this room? I'm calling it coooool!

My Mom's First Cousin . . .

My mom's first cousin's wife has a sister who is married to this man's brother. Where does that put me in succession to the POTUS?

Snowing!

Mind you, it's worth it to get to spend time with my new niece. However, snow during spring break is chilly!

How I Like My Coffee

Half coffee.
Half milk.
Half sugar.

Rachel says that's not possible.
I told her it's a big cup.

Butt Dip

I should have said, "Indentation on the mattress where my butt usually sleeps." Do you have a butt dip in your mattress? HAHAHAHAHA!!! That is so wrong on so many levels.

Unplanned Lesson

about jock straps. Rachel just giggled as she overheard the discussion between Mr. Rellim and his son.

Recipe for Entertainment

and danger. Mix one old couch with three young teens, a heavy axe, a couple baseball bats and a lighter.

A couple caveats: Next time I will have the couch already moved outside and not invite the young teens until after dark.

On the Lighter Side

Quinn told me that the best part of track practice today was when "some dude farted really loud - right when he was throwing the discus." I think the best part is the punch line when the coach shouted, "Nice release!"

Evelyn Leigh & VSD

Not sure yet to what degree.

Soccer Grandpa

I'm not sure if the story is all the way true, but . . . my dad called to say he watched Rachel's soccer game tonight FROM BEHIND THE NET WHERE RACHEL WAS PLAYING GOALIE. He said he stood there for the first half and into the second - until the referee asked him to move away from the players. Did I mention that he had my sister's dog with him on a leash?

Dad told me he wasn't really knowledgeable about soccer etiquette. Well, neither am I - but I think I would have noticed that NO ONE ELSE was standing behind the soccer net!

What She Said

The teacher said to me, "Your daughter struggles with her morals in my classroom." My mind raced at the absurdity of the comment. Was she lying? Cheating? Flashing body parts? Inconceivable!

I decided to let the teacher explain without interrupting her (novel idea for me, right?) and she finally got around to clarifying. What the teacher meant was that my daughter holds firm to her Christian beliefs and conservative social views despite "spirited" debate of current world issues in class.

Good for you, kiddo!

Forgot to Mention

QUINN IS A TEENAGER!!!!!

Evelyn Leigh

Jamie and Corbett are new parents today. This is the first granddaughter in fifteen years for my side! Rachel got the seat of honor today.

Potassium Iodide

Mr. Rellim and I just took a walk in this beautiful weather. Looks like we will have daffodils blooming tomorrow! While on this walk, a strange white-bearded man hailed us. I stopped (could have been Santa's helper). Turned out he needed help moving his exercise bike into his upstairs apartment. He told us the entire story about how he acquired the bike in his long-winded fashion. Seems some people are willing to trade anything for a bottle of potassium iodide tablets. Even a prized exercise bike. Even for expired potassium iodide tablets. Seems some people are worried about local radiation levels.

Artificial Intelligence?

Rachel and I were using the Tom Tom today but decided to take a different route than suggested. The little Tom Tom kept telling us to turn left, then turn left. We didn't. Over and over again we defied the little GPS instructions. We began to wonder if the Tom Tom would become angry with us. Because if someone kept driving in the opposite direction that I had said, I would get angry. I'm worried that tomorrow the Tom Tom might give me the wrong directions, having learned of my penchant to disobey. How smart is my Tom Tom?

Speaking of Hiding Things

My absent-minded daughter often leaves half-empty glasses of water around the house. Yesterday, I opened the linen closet and found a large glass of water at eye level. I felt like Gomer Pyle ("Well surprise, surprise!).

Creative Punishment

My daughter did not put away her clothes yesterday. She often does not put away her clothes. I've begged, hollered, threatened, and finally - picked them all up and hid them under her brother's bed.

If she doesn't take care of them, she doesn't need them for a while.

Stephen James

Read the previous post. You are the kind of person he is looking for. I will vote for you.

New Guy

I met an interesting man tonight. He was a former gubernatorial candidate for Illinois this fall. Adam "angie-ef-ski" (I can't spell his name, only sound it out). Very impressive ideas. He is now CEO in charge of a large fund www.forthegoodofillinois.org searching for strong conservative, pro-family, pro-life candidates to run against liberal Illinois establishment in 2012. Their war cry is "Transparency! Accountability! Limited Government!" (The exclamation points are my addition.)

I think I like him. I even found his real name - Adam Andrzejewski.

New Title

A student told me, "You are a good speecher. Have you always wanted to be a speecher?"

Infant Luggage

My sister is expecting her first baby this month. She told me she is shopping for luggage. I thought that was an odd thing for an expectant mother to need. Then she told me, "Well, you can't expect my new daughter to share a suitcase with me while we're at the hospital! Where would she keep all her pretty outfits?"

It's Almost Lent

I'm thinking of giving up credit cards again for Lent. Is it bad that I'm planning what I'm going to charge in the next few days? I think I'll start with a big tank of gas and a few gallons of milk. Maybe catch a movie tonight . . .

It's not that I have a problem with credit, but I do need to work on patience. Delaying gratification is a fairly effective exercise for me. I know this because I hate it.

Cryogenics

Quinn asked if he could be cryogenically frozen until Sunday. Hypothesizing that he may be extremely anxious about his musical performance tonight, I provided soothing, encouraging words. With an annoyed look on his face, he exclaimed, "What?! I'm not talking about the musical! I can't wait for the release of the Pokemon Black & White video games for DSi! It's on Sunday!"

Moms and sons do not think alike.

Slave Trader

Quinn is ready for his dress rehearsal this evening. The middle school is presenting "Connecticut Yankees." All I know is that my son is completely exhausted from the four-hour long evening practices the last few days. So tired, in fact, that he must be having a brain-to-mouth backfire. He just shouted to me, "Good day, idiot!" on the way out the door.

Perhaps some day we will be reading "Quotable Quinn."

Still Taxed Enough Already

I attended a state-wide TEA party leaders round table on Sunday. I had no idea there would be people from all over the state. I also had no idea that I would be there for five hours. New ideas. Great contacts. Brain overflow.

Our next local rally will be April 9th. State rally on April 15th.

Future Plans

During a classroom lesson today, many of the young girls told me they wanted to be moms when they grow up. A terrified looking boy piped up, "Not me! I'm going to be an archeologist! A boy archeologist!"

Union Dues

I've learned that some of my union dues are being used to rent charter buses that will take me to the capital for "rally day." There will be no charge - but make sure to let the union representative know that I'm going so they can have my free lunch ready for me. Need a sub for work? No problem - just contact another union representative who will arrange for union funds to pay that sub.

What I really need is a break from the pervasive entitlement attitude (and the $650/yr in mandatory union dues).

"ExtraConstitutional"

Since when can the Department of Justice simply announce that it will no longer be defending a particular law? A bill that was passed through both houses of Congress over a decade ago and signed into law by a previous POTUS? Since when do we live in a country whose president parades around, casting comments and making decisions like a dictator?

Some have called this announcement "extraConstitutional." I've got some better terms to use for it. Winning the future? For whom? I'm with Sarah on this one - WTF!

We're All Wisconsinites

It's my opinion that union membership should be optional. Maybe that's why I agree with this op-ed on the Wisconsin situation.

Frogger

Rachel needs some more driving confidence after an experience that more closely resembled the 1980s video game "Frogger" than a ride in the park.

Actually, it was a spin through a college campus in the dark. You'd think kids would wear reflective clothing if they were not going to cross at the lighted crosswalks! Then there was the raccoon seemingly in chase of the car down the main drag. Is that even possible?!

Budgets

In order to cut expenses of a bankrupt state, the Governor announced that he would have to personally approve any out-of-state travel for state employees. That even includes my friend's travel to a national conference where she was presenting time-sensitive information to others beginning a grant-funded tele-medicine program like hers. The non-refundable airline tickets were already purchased with this grant money. The conference registration was already paid for by this grant funding. It's too late to request a refund. The grant requires all professionals working on this grant to attend the national conference (expenses paid by the grant). The bankrupt governor says only one person can travel to the national conference. My friend is now awaiting approval to travel on this trip that is already paid for with non-state monies. If not allowed to attend, my friend and her colleagues will find themselves in non-compliance with the grant funding conditions.

Can anyone explain to me why we need more government intervention in our lives?

Language

I work with children who have language disorders. Today, one of these third graders told me, "I need to go to the nurse. Everything looks small."

I did take her to the nurse after her insistence, but I still never figured out what she meant. Any ideas?

Spot On

I probably spend too much time trying to understand the man, but this is the first theory I've heard about that actually seems to capture Obama's worldview. Ever wonder why in the world our president banished Churchill's bust from the oval office? Obama's life experiences have been nothing like the typical American's. Read this book and decide for yourself how much the dreams of Obama Sr. really have become the dreams of his son.

Fifteen

It was fifteen years ago this morning that I was negotiating with the OB/GYN nurse to allow me to keep my underwear on. "Honey," she asked, "Do you know how this is all going to happen?!"

Actually, we had no idea how much this little girl would change our lives. Who knew how much a human heart is capable of loving? And life is about to change again as we take her to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles tomorrow to obtain her driver's permit.

Happy Birthday, Rachel! I love you very much.

Truth

The middle school youth are studying truth (rhyme unintentional). Did you know that the Bible speaks about truth over 200 times? Over 30 times in the book of Matthew alone!

Funny thing . . .
Today I asked the kids to tell me a time they have been caught in a lie. One of them started in on this fantastical story about himself and Santa Claus. Evidently, he was demonstrating to the class how to tell a lie. I called him on it.

I'm going to have a to do a little more praying to prepare for this class.

Not Much Laundry

Quinn has been wearing the same pajama bottoms for the last four snow days. I encouraged him to take an extra sudsy shower.

Three Snow Days

And all we got to show for it is a slippery, sparkling, spectacular landscape.

My sister Jodie got snow-pounded (top photo).

Rain, Snow, Sleet

Yeah, we got that.

For fun, between power brown outs, Rachel is filling out an online questionnaire to determine the severity of my OCD. I told her that freaking out about dirty kleenexes sprinkled all over an avalanche of clean clothing in her room where floor space is at a premium is not a sign of obsessive compulsive disorder.

Mail

I found a letter from an attorney in our mailbox today addressed to Mr. Rellim. I hypothesized that it must be from his estranged wife, finally requesting a divorce. I wondered how he had kept this from me all these years. I didn't realize that I had said it so loudly, until at dinner time when Quinn asked if he was going to get to meet any step-brother soon.

We had to explain to him that I was joking (a bad joke, mind you) and that his father does not have any other wife.

(Oh! The letter actually had to do with a family member's estate planning!)

Electric Lingo

You know that multi-outlet surge protector thingy? I call it an "octopus plug." Quinn asked me if I had any "sloth plugs." You know, an octopus plug with only three outlets? Like a three-toed sloth? I had to laugh. Neither of us is much of an electrician.

Replace, Repeal, Restore

We've replaced some lawmakers who do not represent their constituents. (check!)

Today, the House of Representatives voted to repeal Obamacare. (check!)

Next on the agenda - restore this great nation to her traditional roots.

Just Call Me "Chopper"

I stood on tip-toes to peek into Quinn's middle school musical rehearsal just before pick-up this evening. A young grade schooler (whom I did not know) walked up behind me and said, "Helicopter-parent much?"

Seriously?!

Actions and Consequences

Kicking one's foot through the wall in protest of having one's cell phone privileges suspended does not help one's case for the early reinstatement of said privileges.

Flame Weeding

Who says gardening can't be fun? Check this out! I'm gonna get me one.

Senseless

The reality of dead and wounded in Tucson is nearly being overshadowed by a bickering, politically motivated media. I hope that America learns that its citizens have individual responsibility - that governance from within is greater than any laws that can be made. "Men, in a word, must necessarily be controlled either by a power within them, or a power without them; either by the word of God, or by the strong arm of man; either by the Bible or by the bayonet" (Bill Federer, American Quotations, 2001). But can America come to her senses?

"In the end, the gunman has something in common with all us: he's a fallen human being. And that won't be cured by peace rallies or kinder dialogue. The only thing that can save this man is the only thing that can save any of us: God's grace. Today, we pray for that grace for our nation. By that, I don't mean a moment of silence. I mean earnest prayers to the Creator and Sustainer of humanity. We ask for God's physical healing for the hurting, emotional healing for the grieving, and spiritual healing for this, a deeply conflicted America."
--Family Research Council President Tony Perkins

Outlive Your Life

Want your life to be more meaningful than your possessions? Care to bring some positive change to the world? Max has some great ideas for us in this book.

Tip for the Terrible Snooper

If you are going to snoop through your daughter's text messages, don't quote one of them in front of her. Especially don't do this when your wife is almost asleep.

New Year

It's a new year and we are dealing with addictions - texting, video gaming, computer gaming and shouting. Mine is the shouting. I think if people would stop being addicted to annoying activities, then I could stop shouting about it.

Christmas Family Photos

Cousins, cousins and some more cousins!

Merry Christmas!

Joy to the world! The Lord is come!
I was large with child on two separate Christmas evenings not long ago. I was only six and seven months pregnant in '95 and '97, but remember empathizing with Mary in terms of physical comfort. She must have been anxious, but she had already told the angel, "Let it be done to me as you have said."

May you hold on to faith as Mary did - faith that God holds you in the very palm of his hand and that he has a plan for your life. We don't know what those plans are, but we know that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. My goal is to let him live through me today.

Merry Christmas!

When Life Gives You Lemons

Eat them. That's what Mr. Rellim did. Though, he actually thought it was the worst orange he'd ever eaten in his life. He even called me from work to ask if all the oranges in the fruit basket were as awful.

Peppermint Biscotti

I made biscotti (biscottis?). What is the plural form of that word? Anyway, this is a delicious recipe and the crunch is especially nice for those of us allergic to nuts. You should try it.

UPDATE: The most difficult part of this recipe is opening up and crushing the candy canes!

Fitness Update

The adult fitness program requires a fitness update every three months. During this update, a graduate student took my strength, flexibility and physical measurements. The ratio between hip and waist measurements is apparently a general indicator of heart disease. I learned that I lost 2 inches around my hips (hooray!). Unfortunately, this changes my ratio and increases my heart disease risk from "low" to "moderate."

I tried not to laugh, then told her I'd work on eating some more cookies this month.

Boys v. Girls

A friend's daughter was visiting today and she related the story of someone in her class who "got in big trouble for taking a bite of the teacher's sandwich!"

Quinn asked, "Why? Was it a big bite?"

Post-Concert Smiles

Loud Enough for You?

My car was vibrating to the beat of the bass from the music of a car next to me. As I sat at the stop light, I couldn't help watching the high school tassel hanging from the rearview mirror of that car. The sound waves were so intense, that the tassel was being buffeted as if in a small windstorm.

This may be the time to open a small audiology practice, specializing in noise-induced hearing loss. Doesn't anyone pay attention to the hearing conservation messages? Listen to your buds!

More Creativity

Quinn is thinking about how to make his empty bottle of Coke into a small smoke bomb in case he ever needs to make a (ready for this?) "tasty retreat."

Christ in a Mall Full of Christmas Shoppers?

My friend, Jamie really knows how to write. Check out her blog post on a flash mob singing the Hallelujah Chorus.

I'm Almost There

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard
the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

It's Called Christmas

By the musical group Go Fish. A fun little song.