Heaven's New Resident

My grandma, Grace Annabelle.  I miss her, but smile when I think about the reunions taking place!

She was a talented vocalist before Star Search could find her.  

Today, she might have been a multi-millionaire.

She was a wife and mother back when that profession was honored as it should be.

She was a modern woman before her time – widowed into single motherhood with five kids at home.

She was a single mother before it became a protected status.

She was a strong woman who worked hard to support her family when women were not appreciated in the workforce.

She raised five children who love Jesus.

She may have inadvertently invented the crock pot by slow-cooking a roast in a big pot on the back burner for a couple days.

She was present and involved with family events and activities.

She baked a mean pumpkin roll.

She spoke her mind.

She loved.

And she found love again when she married Russ in 2004.

He has lovingly cared for her since that time.

She was beautiful her entire life.

And I can only imagine her glorified body as Jesus will see her.

She lived well.

She is loved.

Eighteen

There is now another legal adult living in our home.  Beautiful, brainy, silly - she bought an e-cigarette over her lunch hour.  Maybe she isn't concerned about second hand water vapor.

Her grandparents, an aunt and a cousin visited for supper and chocolate cake.  My mom reminisced, "When I was your age, I was already engaged.  To Bob."

"Who's Bob?" Rachel asked. 

Audit Risk: High

I mean, I appreciate the honesty of Turbo Tax, but what am I supposed to do?  Un-deduct my business expenses so that it appears I turned a profit?  Not take the child Earned Income Credit?  Forget about the unreimbursed business mileage?  Quit reporting donations to religious groups?

And how is it that we both got raises in 2013, yet our AGI fell by 3K?  Oh, yeah - the deductions - and increases in insurance premiums.

C'mon, IRS!  You've audited us twice already.  Please leave us alone.  Don't you have bigger fish to fry?

It was a Dark and Stormy Morning

Mr. Rellim and I decided to brave the weather to do some Wal-Mart-ing.  I wore a pullover with a hood.  The fella in line behind us planned poorly, but I give him points for ingenuity.  He was paying for a box of Hefty trash bags - minus one.

That one, friends, was out of the box and over his head - with three holes poked out for his neck and arms.

I haven't seen the likes of that since my high school summers spent roguing and detassling corn.  I wore a trash bag every morning to walk through the corn until the dew evaporated.

While looking for a picture to post of such a sight, I came across this blog post about how trash bags can be an excellent piece of a survival kit.

Communicators R Us

While eating at a local restaurant, Rachel and I both heard Mr. Rellim exclaim excitedly about his ovaries.

Rachel laughed.  I wondered if he had taken some pain meds before leaving.

When given chance to explain himself, "Mr. Rellim happily stuffed more of his over-easy eggs into his mouth."

Take Me to Your Leader

Spidey is fairly enamored with The Amazing Spiderman.  He often confuses fantasy and reality. 

We used FaceTime today in therapy to have a conversation with another boy.  It was a chance to help Spidey learn conversational skills for meeting new people.  The boy mentioned that he was going swimming later today.  Spidey asked, "Is it summer in your world?!"

The boy tried to explain that he was in the same world as Spidey but that the swimming pool was indoors at the YMCA.  Spidey was not convinced.

Recovery

We had heard that patients should sleep in a recliner following shoulder surgery because resting flat in bed would be extremely uncomfortable.  And now we KNOW that to be true.

Thank you to Polly who loaned us a recliner in which Mr. Rellim currently sleeps.

We had heard that sudden movements should be avoided following shoulder surgery.  Now we KNOW that sudden movements (and in particular, quick, jerking movements) cause pain.  But we did not know how often these sudden movements might occur.  For example, Mr. Rellim tends to flinch in the following situations:

1.  When Quinn jumps out from unexpected places.
2.  When nearly tripping over the extension cord on the ice pack machine.
3.  When watching zombie movies.
4.  When Rachel screams because her brother nearly tricked her into eating pork.  (In his defense, he did think it was buffalo chicken dip.)
5.  When laughing at funny Psych episodes.
6.  When Quinn jumps out from unexpected places.

College Follies

Rachel and I visited her top-choice college yesterday.  I gave her the atlas and asked her to plot our course.  She told me how to get to Rockford (but the college is in Rock Ridge).

Rachel wanted to see the campus at night, so while we were driving around, I stopped and convinced a couple of coeds to climb in the backseat and give us a tour.  The pick up line was something like this, "You both know that you should never ever accept rides from strangers, but  . . . "

During an icebreaker activity in the psychology department open house, I skewed the data by anticipating that it was an experiment, predicting the response they expected I would make, then doing something different.  Rachel appeared to be mortified, but I think she was secretly impressed.

Narcotics is Funny

Mr. Rellim had shoulder surgery yesterday and the painkillers have been causing him to say some funny things.  Rachel and I have started a list and thought we would share some with you:

1.  Is this ice even cold?
2.  I can feel my thumb now.  It's all numb.
3.  Why doesn't anyone ever buy me Scooby Snacks?
4.  I don't have autism!
5.  Give them some money from my cash-hole (I think he meant "wallet.").

Excuse Me

I was using Facetime with my almost-three-year-old niece, Evelyn.  She was reading books to me and trying to play a card game Memory.  It's not the same playing a game via video call.

My sister hiccuped and said, "Excuse me!  I hiccuped."
Evelyn stood up and said, "Excuse me!  I peed."

First manners, then toilet-training.

Snow Day

We have shoveled our driveway four times today and made a couple snowmen.   Well, one snowman is sort of a grinch-looking creature with really long walking stick arms.  The other is much shorter, with antlers - like the Grinch's dog, Max.

Enjoy this video too!

Speech-Language Pathology Humor

Sometimes people mistake my fantastic diadochokinetic skills for beatboxing. 
And I'm OK with that.

Wifey

Is that what you call a photo that your wife takes of the two of you?

And here we had a casual Christmas Eve.  Rachel was only one week post third ACL repair and we all look a little tired.  At one point during the church service the organist started falling behind (like several counts behind) the keyboard and guitars.  I wondered if they were trying to sing Silent Night as a round.  Rachel (who had been sitting during the song) hobbled to her feet and said, "Get me outta here!  I gotta get outta here!"  Mr. Rellim knew she was just reacting to the musical confusion (and hydrocodon).  Mr. Rellim's sister thought Rachel was going to be ill.  I imagined perhaps that a zombie had sucked out the organist's brain and was headed our way.

Don't judge us.  It's been a long week.

Welcome

It was the greatest passing of noxious gas that Christmas cookie baking has likely ever known, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.  Rapid flapping of arms made no difference.  I opened the door despite  the dealer's warning and in walked seven caroling neighbors, who stood in its wake and sang three beautiful songs.

It was the best of times.  It was the worst of times.

Meds

My good friend called yesterday and began the conversation with, "I just took a muscle relaxant, so I don't know how good I'll be long for talking."

Rachel took some narcotic painkillers this morning before her post-op appointment and she just wouldn't stop (trash) talking.  In the doctor's office she rambled, "So, this really hurts, yeah, right there where you touched.  What did you do there?  Why did you do that?  What do you mean you put an extra screw there?  Do you like cutting people?  Have you always wanted to cut people?  Even when you were little?  I think you put a screw there just so my leg would hurt.  And look at these bruises.  Who did that?  Why?  Do you people like hurting people?"

The surgeon looked at me and I just shrugged, shook my head and rolled my eyes.

But I love his answer, "Yes, you were specifically targeted for persecution by the hospital staff and me.  I wanted to be a lumberjack when I was seven.  Then I wanted to be a computer programmer when I was 14.  Then I didn't know what I wanted to do - so I went to college and now I'm an orthopedic surgeon.  I cut people for my job, not because I want to make you hurt."

I'm so glad he has a teenager at home.

Happiness

I was just getting ready to blog about looking for a patio chair that Rachel could use in the shower today.  Then I remembered that those patio chairs melted in the garage fire a couple months ago.  Then I remembered how right I was about telling her not to leave candles burning unattended in the first place.  It felt good being right, even though I was mildly unhappy.

Then I got an email from my friend, Steve, sharing a scientific? study regarding happiness, being right, and quality of life.  Is this what the National Institute of Health spends its money researching?  I think it's better fit for a Saturday Night Live skit.  And I know just the interpreter for the deaf to hire.

Concert Faux Pas

The high school choral director teaches the kids much about proper concert manners. My father broke many last night when he leaned over to me between songs and attempted to whisper, "You know?  Quinn is really starting to grow up into a handsome little shit."

Did I mention that the concert was held in the sanctuary of a small church in town?  And that the pews were packed?

And on a related note:  When did my parents start swearing in casual conversation?  I recall being grounded once for saying "hell" on a visit home from college during my freshman year.

Third ACL Repair. Same Knee.

Let's not do this again, OK?

I'm trying to think of something funny about it all.

Oh, yeah.  In pre-op after the administration of the meds, Rachel started giggling uncontrollably.  This lasted for about five minutes.  Then she said up straight and said, "Wow!  That hit me fast and hard, but I could totally drive now."

She spent the next few minutes trying to set off the alarm for oxygen saturation levels by holding her breath.  "That'll teach 'em!" she said.

Visitors

Quinn sneaked up behind me and made that Anthony Hopkins Silence of the Lambs tongue-sucking noise while I was cooking supper.  I screamed with gusto, then turned and shouted, "Don't you ever do that again or I WILL KILL YOU!"

Then, remembering that Rachel had a new boy friend (two words) visiting, I chuckled and said, "Oh, you silly kid!  Now go set the table."

The boy friend has not been back since.

You all have my permission to use that technique, if needed, to clear your daughter's friends away.

Things Kids Say

"My dad ate lunch with a body," said a Kindergarten deer-hunting enthusiast.
"Oh?" I asked, "Like a deer carcass?"
"No!  Like a body!" he said, patting his chest.  "It was in the refrigerator and my dad had a sandwich."

I laughed initially, then told him to change the subject or I was going to have to make a bunch of embarrassing phone calls that afternoon.

Proofreading

Doesn't anyone proofread anymore?  It seems that computers can do (almost) all of that for us.

Unfortunately for Ariel, the student soloist at the last chorus program, the group of letters that were typed for her name by the student author were not even close to "Ariel."  Instead, the spell check program automatically corrected to "anal."

I laughed and laughed.

Thankful

Among our many blessings including family and friends, we are so thankful that we have health insurance.  Obamacare has not yet come between us and our physician.  This is particularly relevant since Mike and Rachel both had appointments with the orthopedic surgeon Tuesday.  Mike has likely torn the labrum in his shoulder.  An MRI on the 13th will provide the details.  Rachel commented, "I didn't know men had labrum."  I told her, "I believe they do and the word you were thinking was labia."  Much laughter ensued.

The laughter helped blunt the blow from the surgeon's assessment of Rachel's ACL repair at six months post-op.  We were expecting that she was nearing discharge from physical therapy.  Instead he informed us that he believes the tendon graft has failed and he needs to perform a revision. This will happen on the 16th.

But life is good, just full of surprises.  We'd be bored without them, right?
Happy Thanksgiving!

Irony

"Responsibility! . . . blah blah blah . . . . Planning ahead for the future!  . . . blah blah blah . . . Timelines! . . . Deadlines! . . . blah blah blah . . . ."  It was a message of great importance for my daughter.  It was also one-sided and sort of louder than typical conversational speech (because she was wearing super-cool headphones that she has borrowed from someone).

I didn't understand why she didn't want to go to Wal-Mart with me after our "discussion."  So I backed out of the garage alone - and crashed right into her car.

"I got her as good as she got me," was the text I sent to Mr. Rellim.

Chicagoland

Great friends, good pizza, chocolate chip cookie pie and lots of reminiscing and laughter.  What more could a woman want?

Oh!  Windshield wipers.  I did buy a set of wipers tonight.
And I ordered carpeting for the computer room. 
Mr. Rellim is out of town for a few days.

In Case You Wondered

What does the farmer say?

C'mon!

I think this commercial is hilarious!

Why You Should Car Shop Every Saturday

People open doors for you, call you "ma'am," laugh at all your jokes, ask you questions about your family, and really listen to you.  I'm driving a Ford Fusion right now and the salesman even gave me his personal cell phone number in case I have questions this weekend.

I know he thinks I'm going to keep it until Monday, but my plan is to drive it to the Toyota dealer in a few minutes to do a side-by-side comparison with the Camry.  Do you think there is any sort of breach of ethics in that plan or is it just ingenious?

Multi-tasking

When I multitask it often involves monitoring a load of laundry, a sink full of dishes, two or three pots on the stove, checking phone messages and emails, sorting the snail mail, directing teens to appropriate, helpful tasks, and answering questions about why we don't have unlimited allowances.

When Quinn multitasks it often involves watching TV and eating a bowl of cereal.  And during such time, he wishes not to be spoken to because it interrupts his concentration.

I think he must have inherited that from his father.

You're Fired!

We are still searching for a church to call home.  This is made exponentially more difficult because of the age of our children, who are now resisting going to church at all.  Rachel has been attending a church where she knows the choir director so she can sing there (and so she won't have to sit near me on Sunday morning).  Quinn tends to shuffle alongside us on Sundays and pretend like he isn't there.

Today, we all agreed to attend a church together.  As we approached the door to the building, a high school classmate shouted, "Quinn?!  What are you doing here?!"

Interesting (and unfortunate) choice for welcoming committee member. . . .

Christmas Photo

I tried to snap a photo for Christmas cards.  My children had a grand ol' time (as the new blog photo suggests).  But I don't think that Great Aunt Mary will approve.  Would it be neglectful of our son if we only sent a picture from Rachel's recent Senior Photo Shoot?

Maybe we could photoshop Quinn into it or something?

Dogs on the Mind

Unfortunately for the pet-lovers in the family, we have none.  Too much sneezing and wheezing would transpire.  This does not deter Quinn from talking about the dog he is going to get in the future, or the dogs his friends have, or the special service dogs he has read about, or the dogs he saw on YouTube videos -

He smelled something tonight that no one else could smell and was ecstatic.  "In your face!  I could be a police dog with this nose of mine!"

 . . . or the dog he imagines himself to be.

Are you There, God? It's Me, Marcie.

Mr. Rellim walked in the bathroom this morning without knocking.  He's not the knocking type.

Instead of apologizing for the obvious intrusion, he said, "Oo -oo -oo!  Are those wings?"

His sense of humor is unique.

Finally

Queried Mr. Rellim:  "Are you only happy when everyone is doing what you say, when you say it?"
Mrs. Rellim:  "Now we understand each other."

One-Stop Shopping

Quinn mentioned that he would like to buy "virginity" at Wal-Mart.  Coupled with his frequent "Quinnisms" and my current state of improperly-functioning eustachain tubes (Thank you mucus-y Kindergarteners!), I assumed I had misunderstood him.

Upon repetition, his message was the same.

"What happened to your virginity?" I asked.

"Nothing.  I still have my 'first' virginity," he said, "but I'd like to have a back-up 'second' virginity in case I really love someone."

I don't think I'm up for this conversation tonight.

Fire Prevention Week

We left Rachel home alone on Saturday.  She called me in the afternoon to let me know, "You always tell me not to let candles burn unattended but I did it anyway.  Now the firemen are here but not very much stuff burned.  They only used one hose and the garage is going to be OK.  All the black stuff is in the driveway now."

I told her the lesson to be learned is not about candles.  The lesson to be learned is ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.

Reminder

The speed limit in school zones is 20 miles per hour.

Even if you work there.
Even if you have a headache.
Even if your colleagues are driving past you to turn into the parking lot.

Well, if you can't be a good example, then be a dire warning!

Little Slice O' Harmony

1.  Quinn says that chorus is like a "harmony pizza" with sprinkles of alto, soprano, bass and tenor in place of pepperoni, sausage, ham and bacon. (Note the lack of veggies in his pizza analogy.)

2.  Rachel's suggestion was chosen for naming her high school a capella group:  Minors in Major Treble.  I think that's pretty cool.

3.  Mike had an incredibly awkward (and hilarious) discussion with Quinn regarding how the question, "How's it hanging?" has a double meaning.  Of course it happened during supper time.

4.  Quinn has decided that he is going to be a "Math Master" instead of a chiropractor for a living.  I'll have to get back to  you on what that entails.

5.  We are church hunting again.  Nothing funny about that.

6.  Ten Flaming Cheetos in your mouth at one time is too many.

7.  Rachel is in her bedroom with two friends.  The door is shut.  Quinn just came out to the kitchen to ask, "What sort of glass is the kind that is best for listening?"  Personally, I would choose an extendable ear, but I don't know how to place an order with the Weasley's.

Long, Hot Summer

It's been a long, hot summer.  Except when it was cool - like the entire month of July and most of August - awesome!  And now we are back in the old grind of school days and I have a few observations and reports to make:

1.  Going back to school is like jumping into a pool of cold water.  There is panic, discomfort and a lot of screaming before treading water turns into skilled strokes.  We are still mostly in the screaming phase.

2.  Quinn is now eating with a regular group of guys at lunch.  I asked who they were and he told me, "Jase, some random Asian kid whose dad is a chemistry professor, a guy with a weird-ass high pitched voice, and Sam."  OK.  That's an improvement from eating his sack lunch alone in the car in the parking lot.  Maybe.

3.  Mike said that he would liked to have been an astronaut.  He said that he would have volunteered for all the "sex-in-space experiments."

4.  I have a secret savings account through the area educational credit union.  I just learned that I actually have some money in there and was contemplating how to spend it.  Then I got home and Quinn told me, "My bed broke."  I didn't ask a lot of questions.  I just told him to haul the thing to the end of the driveway and hope someone takes it. 

5.  Mike got a work iPhone to use and so I'm now the only person in the household without a smart phone.  Maybe I'll have some money left over after the bed purchase.

6.  Rachel is now running up to a mile at physical therapy.  Rehab is slow but steady.  It's a good pace.

7.  Mike has a customer I call The Tomato Man.  He planted 450 tomato plants this year.  I am a major recipient of his efforts.  I now have orange fingernails.  You can find jars of salsa tucked in the most curious places in my house.  If only tomato harvest and the first month of school didn't coincide so closely. . .