Envelopes

Do students no longer receive instruction on how to address envelopes? My twelve-year-old daughter practically needed hand over hand assist to complete this task today. I'm serious! She didn't even know where on the envelope to write the address (offset center). She put the zip code on the line under the name - in front of the street address. She didn't know the abbreviation for Illinois.

Her explanation: "Who writes letters anymore? I only send emails."

Rachel's Prayer

(As best I can recall)

"Dear God, please help Mom realize that when she dies and goes to heaven - and I think it is a pretty good possibility that she will get to go there - that there won't be houses that need to be cleaned or picked up. So help her to GET A GRIP and take it easy on us because a messy house is not the most important thing to worry about."

New Home?

One of my sisters called to tell me about an awesome home with over 17,000 square feet of living space for sale near me for only 68 grand. Not sure how much it would cost to take out the asbestos. We risked trespassing charges to photograph the brick giant. I think the chain link fence, blacktop and metal swings come with it.

Happy Belated Father's Day

"Fathers have an incalculable impact on their daughters. Most psychologists believe, and I am one of them, that all future romantic relationships to occur in a girl’s life will be influenced positively or negatively by the way she perceives and interacts with her dad."

— Dr. James Dobson, adapted from his
Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide

We're Back

During a four-day experience with family, one often receives interesting counsel. We have settled on our favorite from this past weekend.

"Don't walk with your hands in your pockets. If you fall down, you'll break both of your elbows!!"

How to Annoy your Brother

. . . in five words or less - "Remember when your gerbil died?"

Next, say it over and over again while he's trying to eat supper.

Upon return to the table after being sent to your room for starting a screaming argument, apologize by saying, "I'm sorry for talking about when your gerbil died."

When your mother reprimands you, stare at her quizzically and say, "WHAT?!"

Dear IRS

My son doesn't know how he got this hole in his shirt and I don't know why you keep sending us letters. I mean, YES - it does seem sorta unusual that someone would sell feed as a side job and actually incur more expenses than income, but isn't that what happens in the ag industry?

Once when Mr. Rellim was out of earshot, his family banker asked me, "Do you know what a farmer would do with $1 million dollars? Keep farming until he needed more money!"

Anyway, keep your pants on, IRS! The reams of supporting documentation are headed your way.

What Is It?

These big balls are all over a huge, old tree alongside our house. Nobody has been able to identify the balls or the tree. We have no idea. I do know what they sound like when they hit the roof and side of the house going 80 miles per hour, propelled by straight line winds. SCARY.

More Talk

I was showing my daughter certain "accessories" necessary to deal with a monthly cycle, and I questioned how well she was taking this serious discussion. You see, most interactions in our home are informal and often sarcastic. (I'm sure you can barely believe that.)

I suppose I was relieved (sorta - in a strange way) to notice she was attempting to stick something in her right nostril. Anything to help lighten the mood of the discussion.

Smart as a Fifth Grader?

I was helping Quinn with a crossword puzzle and asked him the continent where the Sahara Desert could be found. He said, "I don't know. Probably somewhere with a really warm climate."

Gifted

Rachel was stealth-snacking on one of those drumstick ice cream treats. I gave her the "caught ya!" look and pointed to the sofa cushion next to her, indicating a piece of chocolate coating that had fallen. She picked it up and popped it into her mouth.

I then noticed a chunk on the floor, so pointed toward it. Again, Rachel picked it up and put it in her mouth. But this time, she started spitting and hollering. Uh . . . it wasn't chocolate. I think it was dirt.

Go-Togethers

Linus has his blanket. Sponge Bob has his Patrick. Mr. Rellim has his pillow. I'm assuming he has had this pillow since BC (before college). It looks as if it has survived a few roadtrips and maybe even a thunderstorm or two. In 1994 it kept him company the week he slept at his hog-buying station in Iowa.

I've tried to "air it," hide it and cover it. I have even tried to lose it. The pillow returns.

Today I gave him the option of shopping for a new pillow for his Father's Day gift. He stared at me but did not answer. I suggested that we first put the pillow out to sea in a gasoline-soaked boat, then shoot flaming arrows at it. He asked, "Who do we know with a bow and arrow?"

Aha! I think we are heading toward a compromise.

It Happened

We figured it was only a matter of time. She's called the cops on everyone else in the neighborhood. Tonight was our turn. Apparently she could tell (based on her immense experience with little dogs) that the four pigs on the trailer parked in front of our home for the last ten hours were being abused.

The two police officers who came to "investigate the complaint" were pleasantly surprised to find four fine, well-fed and watered swine. They were obliged to give us options if we would like to move the truck and trailer, but they found no basis for the complaint and apologized for our inconvenience.

Hmmm . . . now to get Quinn to sleep. He was certain that his daddy was, "going to get cuffed!"

The End of Reason

Pleasure without boundaries produces life without purpose - Ravi Zacharias

This book is best read AFTER reading Sam Harris' "Letter to a Christian Nation" - or not. Ravi replies to the illogical arguments, errors and misrepresentation of facts in Harris' book. I enjoy a good debate, but this is definitely one-sided. God wins.

I'm a Traditionalist

And I support abstinence education. What else is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy and STDs? Do you trust these statistics?

Maria Sue Chapman

If you follow contemporary Christian music, you probably already know that Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter died a week ago. Have you read his (manager's) blog that describes her memorial service? Absolutely beautiful.

Perhaps, like me, you will be moved to contribute to Maria's Miracle Fund.

Teeth

Quinn lost a tooth last night. He lost another one the night before. The tooth fairy is going to go broke.

(Reminds me of another time we threw money away. . . . Rachel's dentist advised us that she needed a partial root canal. We paid $700 for it. The tooth fell out two weeks later . . .)

Quinn's trying to save up for a Nintendo DS game, so I've been watching him wiggle some other teeth today. I told him he could weed the garden and I'd pay him five bucks. No deal.

Total Money Makeover

Dave Ramsey writes in his book a profound thought:

"It is the duty of the good people to get wealth to keep it from the bad people, because the good people will do good with it. If we all abandon money because some misguided souls view it as evil, then the only ones with money will be the p*@nographer, the d r u gdealer, or the pimp. Simple enough?"

Good book. Great, practical plan for financial security. Reminiscent of Larry Burkett.

Vocabulary Lesson

Quinn asked me if I knew where his Nerf Gun ammo could be. I told him, "You'll probably find it in that abyss called your bedroom."

He quickly ran to his father to tell him, "Mom just cussed at me!"

Class Reunion

What's twenty years among friends? At the formal banquet, there were three women attending from the class of 1933. Amazing. The speaker from the class of 1938 told a story about his dog named "sex." I guess when you are 87 years old (and have just contributed 100 grand to the school district), you can talk about whatever you want . . .