I Did Not Provoke This Discussion

A group of fifth graders were in my room yesterday when one of them explained socialism like this: "Listen - If I get an A+ on my social studies test and you get an F, then Barack Obama will swoop in and give us both Cs." The listener replied, "AWESOME! And guess what? Obama already won! I saw it on www.nick.com. Because 99% of the world voted for Obama and only 66% of the world voted for McCain, so . . . Obama won!"

I thought perhaps the statistics conversation could get no worse, when another fifth grader asked, "But how many people voted for Pollen?"

I think she meant "Palin," which caused me to wonder (and I know this sounds awful), "When she's 18, will her vote count the same as yours and mine?"

Vote Your Values

Take a minute to think about the issues. Take a minute to think about your values. Take a minute to watch this video. Who's your guy?

Alligator Costume

I haven't decided what I'm going to wear for Halloween. Quinn is a cowboy. Maybe I'll dress up as Sarah Palin. Hopefully, no one will hoist me up as a part of their home deco.

I Like This Guy

Lincoln's Ten Guidelines . . .

• You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift
• You cannot help small men by tearing down big men
• You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong
• You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer
• You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich
• You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income
• You cannot further brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred
• You cannot establish security on borrowed money
• You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence
• You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do themselves

8 More Days

"While a single issue can’t qualify a candidate, it can disqualify him" -Randy Alcorn on the importance of protecting human life.

FYI

In case you didn't know, when you play with a Nintendo DS, there is an instant chatting capability that will allow the user to "chat" with any DS in close vicinity. So, say you are playing with your DS in a fifth grade classroom with six other DS users and you type a bad word on the screen then press, "send." Everyone using a DS will get your message and chances are, one of them will tell the teacher.

Of course the likelihood of that student ever getting to take his DS to school again this year is slim to none. Mr. Rellim votes, "slim." I vote, "none."

Spared

Quinn's Nintendo DS was spared a nine-week sentence in detention by one measly percentage point. He is certain to practice his spelling words this quarter. Rachel, on the other hand, is sailing through seventh grade with straight A's (no spelling class in Middle School).

Spelling is not Mike's strong suit, so I tend to blame him for our kids' struggles in that area. I asked him what bad stuff they inherited from me, but Rachel answered instead, "Mom, you know what I can't stand about Science class? All the partner work! Why can't I just do it myself? It's such a pain in the rear to have to convince everyone that my idea is the best and it wastes so much time!"

Oh. That.

I'm Trying to be Kind

BUT . . . SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Taylor Mason

Our church hosted this comedian/ventriloquist/musician for a performance and he was hilarious. He is pictured here with his candidate dolls, but they were only a small portion of the show. If you get the chance to enjoy Taylor Mason, do it!

Secret Admirer

My friend answered her phone at work and the caller said, "Hi! This is your secret admirer!" Knowing it wasn't her husband, she took a guess that it must be a practical joker friend from high school.

So, my friend said, "Oh! Hi, Steve!"

Her minister replied, "Uh, no. Who's Steve?"

New Car Christening

The last time we bought a new car was in 1992. Within a few months, Mr. Rellim and his dad took it for a road trip and "broke in" the backseat by tossing Kentucky Fried Chicken bones back there. I thought nothing could top that. Then we had kids. After twelve years of kids, I figured I'd seen it all.

Not so.

When Mr. Rellim pulled into the driveway today with his two-payment-old 2009 Ford Fusion, he scrambled to empty the trunk. Usually he doesn't do that, so I stood there to observe the cleaning frenzy. Eventually he admitted to having transported THREE baby pigs to the veterinary clinic in his trunk. I may have to go medicate myself.

Bright Eyed

I drove Quinn to school at 7:15 this morning for an early chorus practice. On the way there he asked, "Mom, shouldn't we tell Rachel?"

"Tell her what?" I said.

"Tell her we are leaving."

"Well, no. She left at 6:20 already with your father for basketball practice."

(And he and Mike are the "morning people" in this family.)

Think this Little Thought

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end;
if you look for comfort you will not get either."

— C.S. Lewis

Nasty Tooth

The dentist told us Quinn had a cavity.

Syrup!

I stepped on syrup while vacuuming this morning, so I moved the computer chair in order to do some scrubbing on the carpet below it. Then I stood up and backed into some more syrup. Shocked, I sat down on the chair to survey the entire floor and - SQUISH - I sat in the mother of all syrup drips. The pool of syrup on the chair had been dripping everywhere while I vacuumed.

Does a family really need a rule about syrup and the computer?!

Quinn's 5th Grade Picture

Starlight, starbright, we forgot about picture day and wore a camp shirt.
"Plus, how can you really smile when the camera dude is asking you to put your feet in one spot, your hips in another spot, your shoulders in another spot, your chin in another spot?
I could barely concentrate!"

Rachel's 7th Grade Picture

Starlight, star bright, your shirt is sparkly and so bright!
Teeth are white and hair brushed gold
why do you have to look so old?

Do You Know Who You Are?

Come on, people!! Can't we all play fair?

Kids' Votes Don't Count

Quinn and his friend Megan were talking on the school bus about the Presidential election. Megan said that she would vote for Obama because she wants a girl to win. I told Quinn that Obama is a man and Quinn said, "Whoever heard of a man named Obama?! I think she is a girl, too!"

Bad Mom

Quinn's Nintendo DS is being involuntarily held in an undisclosed location until such time that his effort increases in Spelling class. Quinn's defense is this, "You see, I just have Dad's Spelling DNA! How can you punish me for my DNA! And anyway, Spelling doesn't affect my life at all!" (Tell that to Dan Quayle.)

Quinn told us that he sat under his desk and cried today during indoor recess because he didn't have his DS, so there was nothing else to do. Oh, yeah! I work in a school. I had forgotten that indoor recess rule. I reminded him that he could study his spelling!

Mike told me he is ready to cave in to the boy's demand after only 48 hours. Not me. I may have to find a new location for the DS.

Failed Slogan

Shopping Trip

I asked the boys to pick up a few things at the grocery store for me, but I guess Quinn got tired of waiting for his Dad to finish watching the game. So, he wrote a note that stated: "I'm going to the stor because Dad loves football more then me." Then he escaped through his bedroom window and rode his bicycle to County Market. I later found the note. Mike eventually found Quinn in the baking aisle, wearing his bicycle helmet, and following a pretty young woman to find corn starch.

Quinn argued that he should not be punished because "(1) Mom told me to go to the store (2) I found the canning lids all by myself and (3) Dad doesn't love me anyway."

How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket

First, ask your son to drink three red slushies at the showing of Beverly Hills Chihuahuas. Next, when the police officer pulls you over for driving quickly (in order to get your son home to the bathroom), ask your son to open the van door, lean his head out and start spitting bright red slushie spit. You may get away with a warning - and a compliment on your McCain bumper sticker. Works like a charm.

Just Makin' Stuff Up

I was going to leave this one alone, but couldn't help posting this video because I actually heard an Obama staffer use this line in an interview after the VP debate on Hannity & Colmes.

Marathon

My friend from the great state of Minnesota is flying to California tomorrow to run in a marathon! I wished her well and asked for an appropriate "go get 'em" phrase. She suggested this one:

Don't poop your pants.

The Last Lecture

An easy, worthwhile read. Randy Pausch knows he has only a few months to live due to pancreatic cancer. This book is for his students, for his wife, and for his three young children whom he knows doesn't comprehend any of this yet. A good companion book to "One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No-regrets Life." I wonder what I would write in a "last lecture?"