Monday, December 28, 2009

Fear of Santa?



Quinn calls it claustrophobia.
Of course he does.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Rellim Grands


Merry Christmas from the Rellim Grandkids - so far. But don't look to me for additions to the brood. There's a California sleeper cell with breaking news for spring.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas Eve Quinnism


As we held candles during the Christmas Eve church service and sang Silent Night, I noticed that Quinn's candle wasn't burning very brightly. It sported a small glowing blue orb. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Yeah, mine's a stud!"

Dud. Dud would be the word he meant to say.

I laughed so hard that my eyes teared. I'm sure people just thought I was caught up in the moment.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Have a Little Faith



Very worth the read. Check it out!

Santa Stopped Here First


We always ask Santa to stop at our house a couple days early, because we spend Christmas with family north of here. I think this is the latest we've ever managed to sleep in. (We made it until 8:00!)

Gingerbread Masterpiece


Created by a classroom of nine- to 12-year-olds at my school. Pretty good despite the fact that one student ate about half of the candies before anyone noticed. Another student told him, "Don't you know that's a good way to get the swine flu!"

Monday, December 21, 2009

Keeping Score


Michelle Malkin has something to say about how the 60 votes were obtained this morning. Read it here.

Gump - like Advice

Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Based on the vote in the Senate at 1:30 am today, I believe many of them are going to be living out this bit of wisdom at the 2010 elections.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Bad Mom!

As I was reading over Quinn's graded papers, I noticed a letter that started, "As you know, Mrs. Teacher is on maternity leave for the next six weeks. . . . ."

WHAT?! My son's teacher is on maternity leave? I didn't even know she was expecting. She didn't look expectant at parent/teacher conference time . . . .

I asked Quinn if he knew his teacher was pregnant. He said, "Yeah, but I've been too busy to tell you."

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

To Our Congressmen:

"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost."

— President John Quincy Adams

Get it Straight!

I received a frantic phone call from Rachel while on my way home from a quick errand. She said, "Mom! Where are you?! Cops are knocking on our door!" I wondered what the heck happened during the fifteen minutes since my absence.

To my great relief, I heard Quinn yelling in the background, "I SAID UPS! UPS! NOT COPS!"

(Oh . . . so that's why they just left a package at the door and walked away.)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

What Happened?

Well, that teacher read Rachel's report to each of her classes yesterday, making sure to point out the two typos. Rachel commented that was tolerable because the content was not questioned. Rachel's friends told her to stop being "so radical."

I'm so proud of her.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Stirring It Up

Rachel overheard a teacher at her school scolding another student for questioning any policy of President Obama. This teacher challenged loudly, "Can you tell me even five things that George W. Bush ever did to help this nation??!!" (I don't understand how bashing a former President emboldens the case for the current. Neither does my daughter. It's the same argument as relative morality.)

So, Rachel did some independent research and typed a report for that teacher, signed her name to it and handed it to her this morning. I'll let you know how it goes.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Scissors

Quinn just told me this morning that he needed a pair of scissors for school. I figured that his scissors had been lost. Nope. He says he never took any to school in August. He's been borrowing the teacher's pair for a few months so far.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Chorus Concert


Rachel just had her Christmas concert and did an awesome job. Check out her blue suede shoes.

Debatable

The kids and I are running late this morning (so I decided to blog about it). We have been arguing about whose cold is the worst and who had it first - meaning that person started the whole thing. Because whoever had the cold first is the person who needs to work on universal precautions (one of Rachel's Health Class vocab words).

Interestingly, Quinn informed me that he does not have to go to school today because he received a sign from God. Apparently (much like Gideon), Quinn requested that God give him a sign. It was explained to me like this: "If I blow my nose two times this morning, then I don't have to go to school. If I don't blow my nose this morning, then I will go to school."

I tried not to roll my eyes at him, because blowing one's nose makes as much sense as Gideon's wet sheepskin miracle. However, I'm not sure Gideon was trying to avoid a Science test.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Shopping Czar?

So says Mallard:

Middle School


I dropped off Rachel today at school and she informed me that when I join her for lunch with the requested meal (2 cheese quesadillas from Taco Bell), I had better not "make a scene, like usual."

"Why, what could you ever mean by that?" I asked her casually.

"Like, you walk into the cafeteria with a ginormous smile on your face and then you stop and talk to people!!!!" (gasp!)

I told her I'd work on my entrance. She rolled her eyes and got out of the van.

At least I didn't wear my new t-shirt.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Pyramid Project



Quinn chose to create an ancient Egyptian pyramid with sugar cubes. I didn't realize how much work I'd put into it until he brought home his grade. I was quite disappointed with the 92%.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Date Night

Our exciting date night was crudely interrupted when my husband couldn't remember my birth date.

We had been running errands without the kids and making good time (I didn't say romantic, only exciting.). Our last stop was at the grocery store and I was wheeling and dealing in order to get the sale price on toilet paper, while he was trying to pay for the other items. Suddenly he needs to know my birth date. I wouldn't give it to him even though he asked nicely. He asked again and I just scowled at him. People were waiting behind him in line so he just tried a random PIN number, hoping it was correct. It was not. As the checkout man sighed, I practically shouted the numbers to him in order to move things along. So now, not only did everyone in the store hear my PIN, which I have quickly changed, my husband is totally busted.

Of course, we've only known each other since 1986. There is still time for him to learn details of my life history.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

More Twilight Nuggets

For those addicted but wish (sorta) that they weren't, here's a very entertaining blog post written by Normal Mormon Husband regarding the series. He has some interesting hints for the men in the lives of the women who are secretly pining for a vampire.

The funniest hint?
After numbing your lips by sucking on a Popsicle, ask her, "Have you ever wondered what it feels like to kiss Edward?" Note: She will be utterly helpless when you close your eyes and lean toward her.

Must We?


I shop at Aldi frequently. It's a great place for basic staples. Yet when I take my family with me to Aldi, there is something that happens, causing us to act like slack-jaw yokels (pictured above).

Today we stopped after church and within about two minutes Rachel had loudly proclaimed that her brother was gay, Quinn had accidentally strangled her, she turned and sneezed into his face, then I smacked her in the shoulder for acting like such an idiot, exclaiming, "Do you not realize that you could be threatening the lives of any immuno-suppressed individual in the store?!"

Must we act like this?

Saturday, November 28, 2009

'Twilight,' the love that dare not speak its shame

I took the kids to see New Moon last weekend and am currently trying to "kick" the Twilight saga from my brain. Then I read this article and realized I'm not alone.

I learned that "Good, smart, literary women tried to resist the romantic-vampire phenomenon. And then, alas, they bit" too!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Just Read


I can't believe how often I laughed out loud reading this book. I know it's for grade schoolers, but it was a nice diversion to thinking about what to cook for Thanksgiving dinner. Have a good one, by the way!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

More

I'm not making fun, just can't help sharing the smile. My son was watching TV and commented about the myriad commercials, "Just because it's Thanksgiving doesn't mean you have to keep showing us stupid roosters!"

(pretty sure he meant to say turkeys)

Monday, November 23, 2009

TMI?

I hope this isn't too personal to blog, but too late. You know how Quinn uses words that are close to what he means, or words that sound sort of like the word that he means? Well, last night during family prayer time, Quinn thanked God for " . . .His love, His wisdom and His punctuality. . . ."

Maybe it was Quinn's way of acknowledging God's sovereignty and perfect timing. But Rachel and I couldn't help giggling.

Hope or Truth

"It is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth — and listen to the song of that siren, till she transforms us into beasts. ... For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it might cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it."

— Patrick Henry, Founding Father

Friday, November 20, 2009

cant diss the Wrd

I'm TTLY not in2 txting, but this is good to know.

Check out Religious Libertree

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I'm Tired

It's been a busy week. But I'm not quite this tired.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

True Patriot

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time,
and your government when it deserves it."

— Mark Twain

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Progress

"We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive."

— C. S. Lewis

Mystique

Quinn was talking about someone named Mystique tonight. I assumed it was a kid in his class, but thought the name sounded a bit "stripper-ish." It suddenly dawned on me that he was talking about his teacher, whose name is Mrs. Stich. I'd better start paying better attention to my kids.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Good Deeds

Quinn answered the door this afternoon and gave permission to a couple of young boys to rake leaves in our yard. I peeked out the window and noticed that the boys were about seven or eight years old. One of them had a child-sized snow shovel and the other had a very large rake. They were pretty much raking our leaves into our neighbor's yard and into the street. I sent Mike out with a few dollars for them so that they would STOP!

I wonder what kind of racket they have going? Will they ask our neighbor if he wants those leaves raked from his yard now?

Poor Owen

My sister and her family came to visit yesterday. Unfortunately, my nephew Owen had a bit of stomach trouble. While getting some fresh air, he ended up projectile-vomiting near Mrs. Neighbor's kitchen window. I quickly walked into my house to get a washcloth for Owen.

Also, I didn't want anyone to hear my giggling.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Go, Maggie!

"The trouble with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money."

Margaret Thatcher

Aha!


I came across a box of old love letters last night and Mike and I were reading them and laughing. We were only 15 & 18 when we started dating and the "love banter" was truly hilarious. Plus, the letters stretched over seven years. Rachel was rolling her eyes and trying not to gag. But I did gain an insight into why the Twilight saga had pulled me in - I lived that adolescent love triangle. And still, I vote Team Edward - um . . . I mean Team Mike!

I also realized that the art (I'm using that term loosely.) of the love letter is being lost to emails and texts. I wonder if ours will be the last generation with an old box of letters?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Common Sense

"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men,undergo the fatigues of supporting it."

— Thomas Paine, Founding Father

Monday, November 09, 2009

New Picture

Check out this link to see my favorite picture of the Rellim triplets. Holden, Hannah and Hayden.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Shrimp


"AHHHH!! Gross!! There are shrimp in my Ramen shrimp & noodles!!" exclaimed Rachel.

Yep. She's a straight-A student.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

List

This is a list of books that I've heard could be banned by the president. What sort of implications could there be based on the fact that I've read (and likely own) so many of them?

True


This is an interesting way to deal with criminal behavior. Pretty sure the story is true.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Just Finished Reading


A typical Dan Brown novel with a healthy heaping of National Treasure. Clues lead to more clues, leading to more clues, with a couple twists and one tear-jerking moment. Interesting last few chapters about how man is god but has not yet realized it - apotheosis, or something like that. Tons of conspiracy theories were thrown about regarding our Nation's forefathers and their roots in Freemasons.

Hee Hee

Monday, November 02, 2009

It Happened

I became one of those parents tonight who sat in the bleachers questioning the coach's decisions during the girl's basketball game. I started to care about who was going to win and it was crushing me. Fortunately, about third quarter, I was able to shrug off the stress and just watch for the fun of it. Unfortunately, I think the coach had been doing that all night long.

Doh! There I go again - caring about a win!

Someday

Someday maybe I'll be quoted as saying this:

Don't you love it how a politician can technically be telling the truth without revealing the entire truth, which would make his first statement a blatant lie?

Take this statement, for instance.

Static Cling

This was Rachel's great idea for a Halloween costume. Awesome!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Churchill

Today's quote is provided by surprised birthday boy, DS. Ya can't go wrong quoting Churchill, so here goes:

If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without blood shed; if you will not fight when your victory is sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.
—Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

Halloween Costume

This should be my Halloween costume. How do you like it? video

Christmas Decorations


It's not too soon to start planning, is it? We are thinking about doing ours like the house on the right.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The New "N" Word

Neighbor!

The last time a person really, really, really made me upset (in 1994), that person's house was struck by lightning. Now, I'm not saying that I can control lightning, but if I could, I know where I might send it next.

Of Course It Would Be!

"But with respect to future debt; would it not be wise and just for that nation to declare in the constitution they are forming that neither the legislature, nor the nation itself can validly contract more debt, than they may pay within their own age, or within the term of 19 years."

— President Thomas Jefferson

Monday, October 26, 2009

Revelation

Our family teeters on the brink of dysfunction and insanity on a regular basis. Following a weekend of late nights, early mornings and meals of chips, s'mores and Halloween candy, confirmation of two factors in the regulation of sanity has been made.

1. At least 8 hours of sleep (per family member)
2. At least one meal including some sort of protein.

There was so much yelling and screaming going on yesterday that I'm not even sure we were recognizable to each other. Thank goodness for Mr. Rellim, the rock - unaffected by others' extreme mood swings and emotional outbursts.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Lake Rudolph


We stayed on Blitzen Lane near Lake Rudolph this weekend with five other families. They called it camping, but we all rented RVs with full kitchens, showers and flush toilets. Unfortunately, Mr. Rellim and I had to share a double bed that was almost too short for me! And I'm pretty sure his head hit the ceiling in the shower. I'm still doing laundry in a sleep-deprived stupor, but it's worth all the hassles to visit with good friends, right? Maybe next time I'll suggest a Holidome or something!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Invitation

I was invited us to a "celibate-ory" breakfast on Friday morning. I think he meant to say "celebratory." Either way, it should be a good time.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Fingerprinting



I underwent fingerprinting today to fulfill a requirement by the Illinois Department of Human Services since I provide early intervention services to children in their homes. (This is not my print.) I learned that one of my fingerprints is "undetectable." The young fingerprinter woman said, "...but that's OK because the FBI knows it's not your 'trigger finger.'"

I wonder if she wishes she hadn't told me that . . .

Lymph Node


I went to the doctor today because of a swollen lymph node in the posterior auricular region. The Nurse Practitioner asked if it was tender. I said, "Yes (because I keep touching it)." She told me to quit touching it & not to worry about it, but that if any lymph nodes become swollen around the clavicular area, that would "be bad."

Now why did she tell me that?? Doesn't she know that I'm going to keep touching my clavicles all weekend?! SHEESH!

Danny's Stone

I just received this photo yesterday and had to post it. My cousin Danny died in 2005 at the age of twenty, after an eleven-year war with cancer. I know Danny was a Christian and I believe he is cruising heaven with Jesus today, but I still wonder why so soon. Cancer just doesn't make sense.

Professor Dumbledore says that to the well-ordered mind, death is but the next great adventure. I guess we'll just have to wait to find out.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Passive Aggressive

Two examples:

1. A parent gave me an audio book of "How to Talk so your Child will Learn."

2. Pretty darn sure that Mrs. Neighbor trimmed my decorative grasses so that no plume would hang into her perceived airspace.

Friday, October 09, 2009

I Ruin Everything

According to my son, I ruin everything. How?

First, I put the kibosh on the guess-where-I-am-going-to-poke-you-with-this-big-stick-while-you-play-on-the-swing game. Next, I banned the Olympic training for a little-know event involving pushing one's friend down the driveway and across the street in a wheeled computer chair.

Yes, I realize we found the chair in someone's trash, but that doesn't mean we have to use it like rednecks. I just think two eleven-year-old boys could find less dangerous games to play. Am I asking too much?

And I do wonder what Mrs. Neighbor has been calling the city about today? At least she's gotten some good raw material.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Decisions . . . Decisions . . .


"Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you.… If you love only the people who love you, what praise should you get? … [L]ove your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without hoping to get anything back. Then you will have a great reward, and you will be children of the Most High God, because he is kind even to people who are ungrateful and full of sin. Show mercy, just as your Father shows mercy." (Luke 6:27–28, 32, 35–36)

I think Mrs. Neighbor would love a new fence between us. Then I wonder if she'd love a flaming sack of poo on her doorstep.

Building Project

Our local hospital is in the midst of a large building project. As we were driving past the other day, Quinn said, "I don't think I like all that construction going on. How can there be enough doctors taking care of the people?"

Mr. Rellim informed him that the doctors are not out there in the rain building anything. The carpenters are in charge of that. Quinn breathed a sigh of relief.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Question

If someone's sister's little dog comes home with possible eagle feathers in her mouth, but it was in Wisconsin while on vacation, could that someone be held responsible for what happened in the deep woods?

Remember when that lady gave Hilary Clinton the dream catcher with feathers she found in her backyard, and one of the feathers happened to be from an endangered bird?

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

This Just In

We learned that Mrs. Neighbor has made a bogus complaint against us with the city. Something about hosing fecal matter into the storm sewer. WHAT?! and WHAT?! Not sure what we have done to offend her (breathe?), but this we certainly have not done - ever.

My mom told me that God puts people in our lives for a reason. I think the reason is because there is a man out there who puts up very tall, very sturdy fences who might need a big job.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Long Time, No Cut

I called to make an appointment with my stylist for a hair cut. I was told she was on maternity leave. Now, I realize that I don't get my hair cut as often as recommended, but I was completely surprised to learn that I had missed an entire pregnancy!!!

Fishing for a compliment, I asked my son, "Did you notice my new hair cut?" He said, "Yeah, it looks different." Mr. Rellim said, "And it looks naughty."

Not sure what that means, but I'll post the observation as a deposit into my emotional bank account.

Bambi

Our friend Russ got a deer with his bow tonight. We got a call from him to help pull the deer to his jeep. When Mr. Rellim and I arrived, Russ said, "Never fear! Mike is here!"

Yeah, I think that a lot. Especially when there is manual labor involved.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Twist and Turn

Rachel sprained her ankle last night during her basketball game. Did it happen when the giant girl on the other team blocked her fast break? Did it happen when she collided with three other players to secure a free ball? Did it happen after one of her awesome rebounds?

No.

It happened at half-court with no one nearby, whilst slowly jogging backward.

Today, one of her teammates said, "Oh! You are hurt. I thought you were just faking so the coach wouldn't play you again." Another teammate added, "You're hurt?! Awesome! Now maybe I'll get to play some more."

There may not be an "I" in TEAM, but there certainly is a lot of stupid.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

So They Say

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.
—Japanese Proverb

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Just Say No

Quinn's class has been learning about the dangers of and alcohol use - and apparently, very detailed information about the affects of some . How do I know this?

One day this week, Quinn mused, "Mom, sometimes I forget things, I'm a little bit chubby, I giggle a lot, sometimes I have trouble breathing and I'm hungry all the time. Do you think I could be smoking mari juana?"

After laughing heartily, Rachel said, "Well, Quinn, you tell us! Have you been rolling up stuff that looks like little weeds and smoking it?!"

I guess Quinn was worried that somehow he was doing illegal d rugs without knowing about it.

(He's not.)

Saturday, September 26, 2009

In Class

I was waiting near a classroom on Thursday when I overheard the teacher ask her class to name one of the writers of the Constitution. A second-grade boy replied, "George Clooney."

Thursday, September 24, 2009

That's What She Said

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."

— Plato, Greek philosopher

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My Daily Bread

"A wise and frugal government which shall leave men free to regulate their
own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth
of labor the bread it has earned — this is the sum of good government."

— Thomas Jefferson

Russ & Grandma


At age thirty-five, my grandmother was widowed with five children to raise. At age seventy-seven, she finally re-married. Russ was a long-time friend who showed up one day with flowers and a question. As the story goes, my grandma said, "What took you so long to ask?!" Today they celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary. My dad said he took them for lunch at Bob Evans and a ride in the country (And he tried not to notice all the smooching in the backseat.).

Monday, September 21, 2009

What I've Learned Today

1. A straight-A student can earn a B in band if she never takes home her trumpet.

2. A boy can get hungry enough between 12 and 3:19 to actually break down and cry.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Funeral Lingo

My five-year-old nephew asked his mom, "After the funeral, are we going to the cemetery to see where they plant him?"

Friday, September 18, 2009

Certificate of Deposit

The kids and I were at the bank this afternoon to make deposits into their savings accounts. Learning that these accounts were only paying 1/4 of a percent interest, I suggested that they transfer some money into their CDs. Quinn walked over to the woman in charge of this transaction and said, "Excuse me, could you please tell me how much money I have in my disc?"

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Grandma's Cookies


My dad and his mom are pictured here. Grandma has been in a nursing home for a few months due to dementia and I recently sent her some pecan sandies (from her own recipe). The funny part of the story . . . I forgot to send a card with the cookies. Maybe I should get on the waiting list there.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

New times, Old thoughts

"A nation of well-informed men who have been taught to know and prize the rights which God has given them cannot be enslaved. It is in the region of ignorance that tyranny begins."

— Benjamin Franklin

Monday, September 14, 2009

Papa John's

Quinn: "Rachel, remember the time when Mom sent us in to pick up the pizza and there was a guy there who said if you hug me, I'll give you a free slice of pizza and you ran back to the car? Well, I gave the man a hug but he still didn't give me a free slice of pizza. What do you think that was all about?"

Rachel: "Quinn, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Me: "Quinn, I hope that was a bad dream."

Incompetent Liar

That's me - according to a parent at an IEP meeting today. Of course, she did not say it quite so elegantly. I was so proud to have my principal and special ed director in the meeting there with us. Now they know what I really do all day long - sit around thinking up new ways to lie, new ways to document lying, and new ways to create testing protocols that lie.

So . . . I'd say that would make me a fairly competent liar.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Attention Vocology Students,

The terms "jitter" and "shimmer" do not crossover to the realm of mechanical knowledge at Midas. Instead, I had to use the words "shake" and "jiggle" to describe the involuntary steering wheel movements.

And another tip - when given the choice of the following, choose C.

A) Replace two tires for $277.00
B) Replace four tires for $555.45
C) Rotate current tires for free and see if that helps

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Go, Mallard



“Now more than ever before,
the people are responsible for the character of their Congress.
If that body be ignorant, reckless, and corrupt,
it is because the people tolerate
ignorance, recklessness, and corruption.”

-- President James Garfield

Monday, September 07, 2009

Wounded

Mike and the kids returned from playing street ball and Quinn was screaming and crying. Per report, Rachel had intentionally fouled Quinn by planting her knee in the center of his right thigh. As Quinn was showering (and screaming), I heard him yell, "She doesn't love me! Nobody loves me! They only love me for my money!"

Did I mention he stayed the night at a friend's house and obviously did not get enough sleep?

Addison


During my college days, there was a cadaver we nicknamed "Addie" because of all the adipose tissue inside. This little sweetheart bears no resemblance whatsoever. Congrats to my cousin Nicole on the birth of this dear Addison. Cheer up, baby - soon you will get to choose your own hair accessories.

My Own Maiden

It's Labor Day and we are celebrating by baking cookies, canning apples and cleaning the house. Rachel's first sweep through her room unearthed about three loads of dirty laundry. Quinn continues to complain loudly, but clean little. Instead, he's found long-lost toys and game pieces to distract himself from the ultimate goal of a clean room. A few minutes ago he announced, "WHEN I GROW UP, I'M NOT DOING ANY CLEANING! I'M GOING TO HIRE A MAIDEN TO DO WHATEVER I SAY!!"

From his garage retreat, I heard Mr. Rellim mutter, "That's my boy!"

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Just Read

I suppose I thought there would be more information about the filming of Little House instead of information about Melissa's sex life. Well, now you know.

Xopenex

Some kids will do anything to get out of going to church. This morning Quinn told us that he was having a poor reaction to his asthma medication - his legs wouldn't move. I asked him about his arms. He said only his left arm couldn't move. Mike asked him about his hands. Quinn said only his right wrist was numb.

We watched him crawl outside (in apparent agony) to get into the van. All his extremities seemed to be working well. And especially his mouth. His mouth and vocal cords were working very well in concert with his diaphragm, which was pushing humongous amounts of air in perfect rhythm to form moans and complaints of all sorts.

Next time he will have to try something different.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Free Speech

I'm pretty sure this speech will be free too. I wonder if it's also part of Sal Alinsky's playbook?

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Did you fought?

A fourth grade speech therapy student asked someone in the hall today, "Did you fought?" I was contemplating how to work on that syntax mess when I smelled what he really meant. There had been no fighting, only farting. Really, I should be more attentive.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Technology

Rachel complained of a head cold yesterday, so Mike and I decided she could stay home from school. I was a bit apprehensive because we were allowing her to stay home alone for the first time. You see, she was sick, but not enough that she needed to be waited upon.

Anyway, as I prepared to leave for work, I peeked into her room to make sure she was comfortable. She was. In fact, Rachel was busy taking pictures of herself with her cell phone so that her friends could see what she looked like when she had a cold.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Where?

Quinn: "Mom, point under there."

"Under where?"

Quinn: "Ha! You just said, 'underwear!'"

Speaking of which - I thought Quinn was complaining of a stomachache yesterday so I told him to go to the bathroom. He quickly let me know that he did not have a stomachache, but that his underwear were too small.

Yes, they were. What he showed me were boxer briefs that were small enough to fit him like regular briefs. I'm not sure how many years those had been squished in the far corner of his dresser. . . Less sure of why he attempted to wear them . . .

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I Love William Wilberforce

"If to be feelingly alive to the sufferings of my fellow-creatures is to be a fanatic, I am one of the most incurable fanatics ever permitted to be at large."

— William Wilberforce, British politician

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Wet


I just watched Mike and the kids engage in a Super Soaker water gun fight during a thunderstorm. Though they could get no wetter, they still ducked the guns' sprays. Curious.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

More Grammar

Mr. Rellim and I attended Rachel's Middle School open house this evening. One of the teachers who spoke told us that he would be teaching a grammar unit for the first four weeks and it would be the funnest activity ever. I waited for him to chuckle or the other parents to giggle. I smiled widely, yet - nothing. So disappointing.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Caffeine


With enough caffeine (Mr. Rellim required two cans of Mountain Dew "Berry Blue."), one can use a child-sized snow shovel to quickly scoop rain water from the street gutter onto some very dry plants in a flower garden. And although this is not a documented side affect, Mr. Rellim did find that his chronic knee pain was minimal during this period of high caffeine indulgence.

Funny


I went to an informational panel a couple years ago where one of the speakers used the sniglet "agreeance" at least four times. For example, "Mike and I are in agreeance that breakfast is an important part of every day." I tried not to giggle because I was uncertain whether or not he was joking about said word choice. I suppose Mallard Filmore was there too, based on his cartoon today. You may also be interested in a previous post regarding grammar use in the schools.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Raccoon


"Wes told me he saw raccoons the other night," said Mrs. Neighbor. "Wes said they are really big and got into his trash cans and that he's had to strap them closed at night."

I nodded and smiled and walked to the side of the house to continue picking up sticks. It was then that I noticed what Mrs. Neighbor had meant to say was, "Your trash can is dumped over and your trash is spilling into my yard. And I've been home all day today looking at your trash can and its contents spilling into my yard. I've been planning what to say to you all day long about how irritating that is to me, but decided to wait until you returned home from work and play mind games with you. I realize I could have picked it up for you or even just pointed it out to you right away, but I'm crazy-whacko!"

I think I will set our small animal trap near our trash can. I wonder if Mrs. Neighbor will watch a captured raccoon in the trap all day long. I hope her precious pooch doesn't get too close!

Water


Rachel was invited to eat with a friend at a local Mexican restaurant. Before leaving, she asked me if it would be OK to drink the water there.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Words

"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" — President Ronald Reagan

On the lighter side, the most dreaded words to any woman are, "Now please scoot to the end of the table." I told my OB/GYN that joke a few years ago and he reminds me of it every year. Hardy-har-har.

Special

Today was the first day of student attendance at my school. One of the fourth grade teachers was aware of a new student to the district and tried to make him feel welcome in her class. She quickly noticed that he was having a lot of difficulty with writing tasks and began wondering if he received special education services in his previous school. By the end of the shortened school day, she learned that this student had been reported absent from his first grade classroom.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

So Says Mallard

Surprise


The surprise lilies are blooming. They are beautiful. It's the beauty that saves them too. Because I know that their blooming signals my return to work. I have about 26 more minutes at home. I will savor my last minutes of summer vacation. Where's the Lucky Charms?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Who is this Guy?

I don't know who he is, but I like what he said here:

"Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government;
it consists of talking in strange tongues
lest the public learn the inevitable inconveniently early."

-- George Will

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Canine Care

My six year old nephew told me that his new puppy just got her rabies shot. "You see," said Austin, "when a dog gets that shot in her 'rabie' then she won't have a baby."

If it didn't rhyme, it might not have been quite so funny. But it does rhyme and I laughed and laughed.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Bigger Government

. . . could mean better customer service when ordering a pizza.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Read the Bill

So far, 104 Congressmen have signed this pledge to read the health care bill before voting on it. Super, but isn't that their job? And aren't there 535 members of Congress?

Let freedom ring! Make sure to let your voice be heard by calling your Federal Representatives and asking them to read the bill before voting.

Bungee Squirrel Feeder




Does just what you think. Hanging from a little oak tree in the back. Homemade.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Hobo Bike




Mr. Rellim has needed a big-boy bicycle for some time, but we have had other items to replace - a lawn mower that was spewing gasoline, for instance. Call it luck, karma, fortuitous circumstance, a God Thing or whatever - but guess what we found in a neighbor's trash last week? You got it! a Mike-sized bike needing only minor repairs. So . . . the seat has seen better days . . . big deal . . . nothing a little duct tape can't handle. And the flat tire was just that - flat! - not damaged. As we took it out for a test spin last night, I imagined that young man neighbor staring a bit longer than necessary. The kids call it a hobo bike, but that is all just part of the charm.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Think About This

"A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is big enough to take away everything you have."

Thomas Jefferson

Friday, July 31, 2009

This is Not a Joke

Or is it? Check out the proposed organizational chart of the House Democrats' Health Care Plan. It includes the creation of 31 new government agencies that could potentially stand between you and your physician.

If you have 60 seconds, please watch this charming video about free candy.

Quinnism Goes Nautical

I overheard Quinn talking about "fishfood" he would like to try - like shrimp and lobster.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Switcheroo

I sent Quinn up the street to buy six ears of sweet corn. He returned 20 minutes later with rabbit treats from the pet store. He told me that all the corn was gone and he figured that he should spend the money on something.

I'm now understanding Jack and the Beanstalk from the perspective of Jack's mother.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Helicopter Ride

Mike and Quinn came home from feeding the pigs at the fair to tell me they went on a helicopter ride. Finally, it dawns on me that they took a ride in an actual helicopter. Only $20 each, I learn. I asked if they signed waivers? - no. Wore helmets? - no. Hearing protection? - no. Radio ear phones? - no.

Seat belts? "Of course," they tell me. Who would ride in a helicopter without wearing a seat belt?

Rachel negotiated for homemade ice cream instead.

Monday, July 27, 2009

County 4H Pig Show



The Rellims had a good day at the pig show. Yesterday's rabbit experience was not as positive, but today made up for it. Here are a few good photos.

Just Finished Reading



I knew I was going to cry, but I didn't think I'd cry for THOSE reasons! It was an easy read - unless you try to pronounce all the medical terms - and well worth the angst. Life is about choices, but God's plan trumps them all.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Not My Mom

I was reading www.allergicgirl.blogspot.com and found this as a comment to a recent post regarding how lackadaisical some people are regarding food allergies and overall food safety.

"Just recently my mom lost a cap on her tooth because she decided that the Mold&Mildew spray worked so well at getting rid of the stains in the bath, she'd spray it on her toothbrush to see if she could scrub the coffee stains off her teeth -- never mind that it's toxic. She survived fine, but the cap fell out two days later, and she finds that annoying but still doesn't seem to see the danger of putting bath spray in her mouth -- which just blows my mind."

If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough . . .

Pop

I remembered something about my grandfather's (We called him Pop.) funeral nearly 13 years ago. At the gravesite, the casket started to slide off the little platform thingy just before the ceremony. My grandmother (She goes by "Nan.") cried out, "Ooooh!" but the movement stopped and all was well. I chose to laugh, though I was mostly alone in that choice. But I knew that Pop would have thought it all to be very funny. I think their relationship was built mostly upon how much rise one could get out of the other. I consider that his final little jab.

Grandma

My grandma is now in a long-term care facility due to dementia. My father was visiting her one afternoon and was preparing to leave when she asked him to take her with him. My dad told her that he wasn't allowed to do that. As the story goes, my grandma grabbed his hand with both of hers and gasped, "They won't let you outta here either?!"

Laugh or cry, you have to smile.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Two Quotes to Ponder

1) "Life's tough......it's even tougher if you're stupid." -- John
Wayne

2) And as my friend's husband likes to say (with his southern accent):
"If you're gonna be dumb - you gotta be tough!"

He probably didn't understand the question.

At Quinn's physical for sixth grade, he was asked to fill out a fifty-question survey about his worries. He's not a kid prone to anxiety, but I did sneak a peek at his answers. The only item that caught my eye was a "moderate worry" in response to the question, "Do you worry about being in trouble with the law?"

I decided not to pry. After all, the questionnaire was confidential.

What?!

"We live in the greatest nation in the history of the world.
I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it." -- Barack Obama

Monday, July 20, 2009

Burning Question

As we were driving home from vacation Bible school, Quinn told me that he'd been thinking about something all day and just needed to know about it. I imagined that it must have something to do with Elijah or Jonah or some other prophet he had been learning about. How wrong I was. Here is his exact question:

"How do bugs make sex?"

Friday, July 17, 2009

Museum Time



Did I mention the National Mississippi River Museum and Aquarium? How about the expressions on these faces?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Rules


Not really broken, just bruised.

Sweet Shadow

Steep Trolley Ride






We actually rode this tiny trolley up and down this hill in Dubuque, Iowa.