Friday, January 30, 2009
While waiting at the chiropractor's office this afternoon, I overheard a new patient loudly giving his health history to the receptionist. (I think he was hard-of-hearing.) His birth date was 1942 and when asked the last time he had seen his physician he answered,
"Well . . . 1969. That's when I had my appendix out."
May your health history be so uncomplicated.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The letter should have said, "We will no longer be clearing snow from your driveway UNLESS there has been no significant snowfall until mid-January, at which point we WILL LOUDLY plow the ONE INCH of snow from your driveway at exactly 4:38 am. However, this snow-plowing service will be revoked if our contractual lawn-care customers actually need their driveways cleared the next morning because of almost ten inches of snow. In that case, you will need to secure another service for snow removal. We apologize for the inconvenience."
Does anyone have some energetic youngsters on this beautiful snow day who would like to make a couple bucks?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Has anyone found our twelve-inch Illinois car magnet? It was last seen on the back of our dear friends' Durango, who happen to be Ohio State fans. Interestingly, the magnet maintained its fix for approximately 3 and 1/2 days before disappearing.
Ha! Ha! Gotcha!
A young man told his teacher:
I have to go home early today. Wanna know why?
I don't have any underwear on.
Wanna know why?
I crapped my pants.
Well, really I just farted and some poop came out.
The student was gently informed that if it ever happened again he could just say that he had an accident in his pants.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
FYI: When attempting speed demon moves on roller skates, never underestimate the unpredictable swerving abilities of small children. On the bright side, by taking the crash solo, I may have saved the lives of three innocents.
Remember this movie starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell?
We watched it tonight and started a conversation about what each of us would do if faced with living a day over and over and over again, knowing there would be no consequences. Would we eat whatever? say whatever? steal? cheat? In the movie, Murray (finally) learns the best way to spend his time is to serve others, the "curse" ends and time moves forward.
Quinn told us that if he could live the same day over and over he would, "streak all over the world!" I'll give him some more time to think about that one. Stay tuned.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
He's so sweet and silly.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
And on a pro-life note: Here is a great commercial aired today from http://www.catholicvote.com/.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Went into Hollister for the first and last time today. It was dark and so loud that I had to scream to Chris who was standing right next to me. Got out ASAP. Next tried Abercrombie and Fitch. It was stinky and still pretty loud. At least there were naked people all over the walls and several [strange people] to hold my attention as I waited in line to pay for my purchase for twenty minutes. YIKES!!! I hope the purchase is worth it. Not even going to wrap it, just going to hand your daughter the bag with the two half naked men on it as wrapping. Love you.
I told my sister therein lies the dilemma. How much torture can she endure for the coveted title of "favorite aunt?"
Thursday, January 15, 2009
"Religious freedom is the foundation of a healthy and hopeful society.
On Religious Freedom Day, we ... celebrate the first liberties enshrined
in our Constitution's Bill of Rights, which guarantee the free exercise
of religion for all Americans and prohibit an establishment of religion."
— President George W. Bush, proclaiming January 16, 2009,
as Religious Freedom Day
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I realized that he mistook "appraise" for "praise." I'm not sure if that is even a job - home praising. I suppose there are stranger religions.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Anyway, Rachel and Mike are at a basketball game tonight, so I think he's feeling better.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Just five minutes ago Rachel showed me a sandwich bag full of what looked to be pencil shavings and asked, "Mom, what is this?" Many questions raced through my mind including where in the heck she found it. Never did I think to tell her, "Whatever you do - DON'T stick your finger in the bag and taste it."
Well, I should have thought it because she did it. Tasting is definitely not my first choice when attempting to identify an unknown. You? Fortunately it was a bag full of bran from my mother who wants me to start cooking healthy.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Hahaha! I had forgotten about this picture. My sisters and I were attempting to NOT smile for a family photo so that we could print it in black and white. Let me provide captions for you from L to R starting in the back.
Marcie: I'm in a trance. Let me stay here.
Jodie: Ha! I put you in that trance.
Jamie: Bull! You are both in trances because I SAID SO.
Mom: Yup. Those are trances all right.
Dad: Four girls. What are the odds?
Friday, January 09, 2009
That's how long Rachel hollered, "Mom! Dad! Mom! Dad! Someone turn off my light!" (repeat).
I was already in bed, so did my best to ignore her (Aren't I a good mom?). Mr. Rellim (sporting a softer heart than me) finally came to her aid, at which time she exclaimed, "You know I've been yelling for six minutes? Six minutes!! How hard is it to come turn off my light?!"
I thought to myself how easy it would have been for me to walk in and throw a pillow at her. I also thought how easy it would be for Rachel to sit up, take three steps and turn off the light herself. Mike must have decided it wasn't worth it to argue logic with her at 9:45 pm. He's such a good dad.
It was only 27 degrees out today and my son insisted that he did not need his winter coat - only his ski mask. He did concede, however, to carrying his winter coat to school. I wonder if it's legal to profile grade-schoolers on the basis of winter wear?
In other winter news: Quinn lost another pair of gloves. Maybe we will find them in a glorious Florida home with the mismatched socks. Or maybe they are on the Island of Misfit Toys.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
– Once a week, let a child take you on a walk.
– Make major decisions in a cemetery.
– Don’t spend tomorrow’s money today.
– Pray twice as much as you fret.
– Listen twice as much as you speak.
– Never outgrow your love of sunsets.
– God has forgiven you; you’d be wise to do the same.
– Toot your own horn and the notes will be flat.
– The book of life is lived in chapters, so know your page number.
– Never let the important be the victim of the trivial.
– Live your liturgy.
I think Saturday Night Live did a skit once about this very subject. Their book was titled "If You Don't Have the Cash, Don't Buy It." That was the title of the book, the subject of each chapter and the words on each page. Could you imagine such a world?!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
"The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose, new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. …
Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective."
— G.K. Chesterton