Twist and Turn

Rachel sprained her ankle last night during her basketball game. Did it happen when the giant girl on the other team blocked her fast break? Did it happen when she collided with three other players to secure a free ball? Did it happen after one of her awesome rebounds?

No.

It happened at half-court with no one nearby, whilst slowly jogging backward.

Today, one of her teammates said, "Oh! You are hurt. I thought you were just faking so the coach wouldn't play you again." Another teammate added, "You're hurt?! Awesome! Now maybe I'll get to play some more."

There may not be an "I" in TEAM, but there certainly is a lot of stupid.

So They Say

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.
—Japanese Proverb

Just Say No

Quinn's class has been learning about the dangers of and alcohol use - and apparently, very detailed information about the affects of some . How do I know this?

One day this week, Quinn mused, "Mom, sometimes I forget things, I'm a little bit chubby, I giggle a lot, sometimes I have trouble breathing and I'm hungry all the time. Do you think I could be smoking mari juana?"

After laughing heartily, Rachel said, "Well, Quinn, you tell us! Have you been rolling up stuff that looks like little weeds and smoking it?!"

I guess Quinn was worried that somehow he was doing illegal d rugs without knowing about it.

(He's not.)

In Class

I was waiting near a classroom on Thursday when I overheard the teacher ask her class to name one of the writers of the Constitution. A second-grade boy replied, "George Clooney."

That's What She Said

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."

— Plato, Greek philosopher

My Daily Bread

"A wise and frugal government which shall leave men free to regulate their
own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth
of labor the bread it has earned — this is the sum of good government."

— Thomas Jefferson

Russ & Grandma

At age thirty-five, my grandmother was widowed with five children to raise. At age seventy-seven, she finally re-married. Russ was a long-time friend who showed up one day with flowers and a question. As the story goes, my grandma said, "What took you so long to ask?!" Today they celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary. My dad said he took them for lunch at Bob Evans and a ride in the country (And he tried not to notice all the smooching in the backseat.).

What I've Learned Today

1. A straight-A student can earn a B in band if she never takes home her trumpet.

2. A boy can get hungry enough between 12 and 3:19 to actually break down and cry.

Funeral Lingo

My five-year-old nephew asked his mom, "After the funeral, are we going to the cemetery to see where they plant him?"

Certificate of Deposit

The kids and I were at the bank this afternoon to make deposits into their savings accounts. Learning that these accounts were only paying 1/4 of a percent interest, I suggested that they transfer some money into their CDs. Quinn walked over to the woman in charge of this transaction and said, "Excuse me, could you please tell me how much money I have in my disc?"

Grandma's Cookies

My dad and his mom are pictured here. Grandma has been in a nursing home for a few months due to dementia and I recently sent her some pecan sandies (from her own recipe). The funny part of the story . . . I forgot to send a card with the cookies. Maybe I should get on the waiting list there.

New times, Old thoughts

"A nation of well-informed men who have been taught to know and prize the rights which God has given them cannot be enslaved. It is in the region of ignorance that tyranny begins."

— Benjamin Franklin

Papa John's

Quinn: "Rachel, remember the time when Mom sent us in to pick up the pizza and there was a guy there who said if you hug me, I'll give you a free slice of pizza and you ran back to the car? Well, I gave the man a hug but he still didn't give me a free slice of pizza. What do you think that was all about?"

Rachel: "Quinn, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Me: "Quinn, I hope that was a bad dream."

Incompetent Liar

That's me - according to a parent at an IEP meeting today. Of course, she did not say it quite so elegantly. I was so proud to have my principal and special ed director in the meeting there with us. Now they know what I really do all day long - sit around thinking up new ways to lie, new ways to document lying, and new ways to create testing protocols that lie.

So . . . I'd say that would make me a fairly competent liar.

Attention Vocology Students,

The terms "jitter" and "shimmer" do not crossover to the realm of mechanical knowledge at Midas. Instead, I had to use the words "shake" and "jiggle" to describe the involuntary steering wheel movements.

And another tip - when given the choice of the following, choose C.

A) Replace two tires for $277.00
B) Replace four tires for $555.45
C) Rotate current tires for free and see if that helps

Go, Mallard

“Now more than ever before,
the people are responsible for the character of their Congress.
If that body be ignorant, reckless, and corrupt,
it is because the people tolerate
ignorance, recklessness, and corruption.”

-- President James Garfield

Wounded

Mike and the kids returned from playing street ball and Quinn was screaming and crying. Per report, Rachel had intentionally fouled Quinn by planting her knee in the center of his right thigh. As Quinn was showering (and screaming), I heard him yell, "She doesn't love me! Nobody loves me! They only love me for my money!"

Did I mention he stayed the night at a friend's house and obviously did not get enough sleep?

Addison

During my college days, there was a cadaver we nicknamed "Addie" because of all the adipose tissue inside. This little sweetheart bears no resemblance whatsoever. Congrats to my cousin Nicole on the birth of this dear Addison. Cheer up, baby - soon you will get to choose your own hair accessories.

My Own Maiden

It's Labor Day and we are celebrating by baking cookies, canning apples and cleaning the house. Rachel's first sweep through her room unearthed about three loads of dirty laundry. Quinn continues to complain loudly, but clean little. Instead, he's found long-lost toys and game pieces to distract himself from the ultimate goal of a clean room. A few minutes ago he announced, "WHEN I GROW UP, I'M NOT DOING ANY CLEANING! I'M GOING TO HIRE A MAIDEN TO DO WHATEVER I SAY!!"

From his garage retreat, I heard Mr. Rellim mutter, "That's my boy!"

Just Read

I suppose I thought there would be more information about the filming of Little House instead of information about Melissa's sex life. Well, now you know.

Xopenex

Some kids will do anything to get out of going to church. This morning Quinn told us that he was having a poor reaction to his asthma medication - his legs wouldn't move. I asked him about his arms. He said only his left arm couldn't move. Mike asked him about his hands. Quinn said only his right wrist was numb.

We watched him crawl outside (in apparent agony) to get into the van. All his extremities seemed to be working well. And especially his mouth. His mouth and vocal cords were working very well in concert with his diaphragm, which was pushing humongous amounts of air in perfect rhythm to form moans and complaints of all sorts.

Next time he will have to try something different.

Free Speech

I'm pretty sure this speech will be free too. I wonder if it's also part of Sal Alinsky's playbook?

Did you fought?

A fourth grade speech therapy student asked someone in the hall today, "Did you fought?" I was contemplating how to work on that syntax mess when I smelled what he really meant. There had been no fighting, only farting. Really, I should be more attentive.

Technology

Rachel complained of a head cold yesterday, so Mike and I decided she could stay home from school. I was a bit apprehensive because we were allowing her to stay home alone for the first time. You see, she was sick, but not enough that she needed to be waited upon.

Anyway, as I prepared to leave for work, I peeked into her room to make sure she was comfortable. She was. In fact, Rachel was busy taking pictures of herself with her cell phone so that her friends could see what she looked like when she had a cold.