Language Disorders Can Be Fun!

Child #1: What is an animal that can swim in water and blow bubbles?
Child #2: A hot tub!

Teacher: What does it mean to "let the cat out of the bag?"
Child #3: That's when a cat farts.

Haikus Are Fun

Here are my three sisters and me. You can't see it in this picture, but Jamie's t-shirt reads:

Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

On our drives home, we challenged ourselves to text only haiku responses to one another.

At first we did fine.
But then it became too hard.
My kids wouldn't sleep.

New Mattress

I've been complaining about our king-sized mattress and how it sags so horribly in the middle, regardless of how it is turned. I've accused the kids of jumping on the bed and accused Mike of needing to diet. I even called a furniture store and made an after-hours appointment to pick out a new mattress.

As I was cleaning out stored items from under the bed, just an hour before my "new mattress" appointment, I made an important discovery. One of the bed risers for a middle support was crushed.

Oh.

I'm now anxiously awaiting my $12.99 set of new bed risers.

Quinn's Door

It was the "clunk, slide, clunk"ing noise coming down the hallway that first alerted me to the fact that something was happening.

As he hauled his bedroom door down the hallway and into the front room, he said, "What?! I just want to have a little fun! Can't we have a little fun around here?!"

Sure. So when you're sixteen and want to cruise around town (given that we are still driving cars and not spaceships fueled by ethanol), how 'bout if I remind you of how much fun we could all have at home instead?

For example, we could all take off our bedroom doors and sit around eating ice cream sundaes from the tall shot glasses your dad brought home from California. You know, the ones with the picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger that say "The Govenator."

Updated Update

Mr. Rellim is home (finally). He flew "stand-by" and caught an earlier flight. And amazingly enough, his luggage made it too (which was a good thing because he had packed his keys in his suitcase)!

It's a good day!

Travel Update

Mr. Rellim called me at 10:45 am from O'Hare. The 10:30 flight that he was counting on was actually scheduled for 10:30 PM. He likes to tell me not to sweat the small stuff.

OK. But when will he start reading the fine print?!

Airport Logic

Someone, please, please help me understand . . .

Why did Mr. Rellim insist on driving to the airport two hours east of here to fly four hours west instead of driving to the airport two-and-a-half hours west of here to take a direct flight ? I don't get it.

Maybe Mr. Rellim will be able to think up an answer for me tonight. He's waiting for my sister to pick him up at the airport. All the flights have been cancelled tonight due to snow.

My dad says that the entire problem centers on the fact that he hasn't had a woman (me) with him for a few days to tell him what to do. Basically, he told me, that's how most men get into trouble in the first place.

My conversation with my parents deteriorated rapidly from that point as my mom hung up and my dad laughed maniacally (Did I spell that right?).

Obviously, Dad had not consulted with Mom before lending that bit of advice to me.

Sticky Notes

Me: Exactly how many sticky notes did you have in your pocket?

Rachel: All of them.

Snowman

Ahhhh . . . and a hint of being anatomically accurate, I noticed (after the picture was taken). Unfortunately, Frosty met his maker in a defensive move by Quinn, so I was unable to re-take the shot.

Two Spoons

I've heard of burning the candle at both ends. Perhaps we could create a new idiom, using terminology that fifth grade students like Rachel can understand. I propose, "eating the cereal with two spoons."

Or maybe this photo could ultimately support the "absent-minded professor" nickname given to her by her father.

Tippy-Toes

I'm standing on my tippy-toes next to Mr. Rellim, who is six feet, five inches tall. Rachel, however, is only about five feet tall, but a full SEVEN inches taller than I was at her age. Again, I am reminded of the genetics with which I've chosen to procreate.

New Kitchen

Just in time for the Mexican themed"almost-60" birthday party. Can you believe the classy glasses fit inside the pinata? The story ended badly regarding the candy canes alongside them. Happy birthday, Mom!

60 More Years

Last night I finished reading Angels & s by Dan Brown and Rachel asked me what I would be reading next. I rattled of the titles of four books I was currently reading. She looked amazed and said, "But, Mom, you might live, like another, like 60 years! If you keep reading that many books at once, you will read all of the books on the planet and then you'll be, like, bored!"

I'll take my chances.

And I do appreciate the life expectancy so generously predicted for me.

Number 39

ALMOST.

We had to celebrate a few days early because someone is going to Oklahoma tomorrow AND there were gifts waiting to be opened. The molten lava cake tasted awesome. We love you!

Indian Boy

I guess that's "Native American" now. The handmade necklace was joined by the paper tiara from his sister and the lipstick war paint to create a festive afternoon to celebrate the completion of the juvenile novel Sign of the Beaver.

Hey, it's January and it's cold outside. What else are we supposed to do after school?

Trouble in Capital City

I think Sacramento is the capital of California. Anyway, my friend from California called today, complaining about the s-l-o-w pace that this stomach virus is passing through her children. At 6:45 a.m. this morning as she was moving kids out the door, her 4th (youngest and likely - last) child threw up.

As the story goes, her husband side-stepped the incident on the way off to work, but commented, "Oh, too bad . . . And you are having such a good hair day!"

Does that make up for having to follow a 2-year-old around all day with a large tupperware container? Does it change the fact that the 2-year-old doesn't understand what the container is for, but will hold it under his chin, allowing the bowl to deflect the vomitus in various directions?

Best of luck, my Pacific buddy!

Mexican Cheese Kills

Did you know that some types of Mexican cheese can resemble a block of the white illegal substance that Casey Jones enjoyed while driving his train? According to this report, someone actually lost his life over a block of cheese.

Surprise Party

One of my sisters called this morning (She has a job that allows her to enjoy about 2 weeks off over Christmas.), suggesting we throw a surprise 60th birthday party for Mom next week. I told her I thought that would be a GREAT idea, plus particularly surprising for Mom, as she was born in 1948. . . .

Beans and Cabbage

Well, maybe the dinner choices were not so great, but the song they inspired was worth having to endure the complaining . . .

Beans, beans the magical bean,
Eat some more!
You'll know what I mean.

Don't start a fire.
Don't light a match.
But if you do,
keep it away from your pants.

Santa Carson

- and Grandma Sharon, a welcome rescuer.

He did NOT care what I wanted for Christmas, nor did he think it was funny when I tried to sit on his lap.