Overheard

While waiting at the chiropractor's office this afternoon, I overheard a new patient loudly giving his health history to the receptionist. (I think he was hard-of-hearing.) His birth date was 1942 and when asked the last time he had seen his physician he answered,

"Well . . . 1969. That's when I had my appendix out."

May your health history be so uncomplicated.

I'm OK

But I wasn't faking. My wrist really did hurt. I really couldn't do the dishes or open stuck lids for the last few days. Even my handwriting has suffered, though admittedly it had not far to go to reach illegibility.

In summary: Sprain = Pain

Snow Plow

Last summer we received a letter from the company who regularly clears our driveway of snow, informing us that we were officially dropped from their list of customers because we do not contract lawn care with them.

The letter should have said, "We will no longer be clearing snow from your driveway UNLESS there has been no significant snowfall until mid-January, at which point we WILL LOUDLY plow the ONE INCH of snow from your driveway at exactly 4:38 am. However, this snow-plowing service will be revoked if our contractual lawn-care customers actually need their driveways cleared the next morning because of almost ten inches of snow. In that case, you will need to secure another service for snow removal. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Does anyone have some energetic youngsters on this beautiful snow day who would like to make a couple bucks?

We Started It

Has anyone found our twelve-inch Illinois car magnet? It was last seen on the back of our dear friends' Durango, who happen to be Ohio State fans. Interestingly, the magnet maintained its fix for approximately 3 and 1/2 days before disappearing.
Ha! Ha! Gotcha!

TMI (A PG-Rated Post)

True Story, but not my son! Hooray!

A young man told his teacher:
I have to go home early today. Wanna know why?
I don't have any underwear on.
Wanna know why?
I crapped my pants.
Well, really I just farted and some poop came out.

The student was gently informed that if it ever happened again he could just say that he had an accident in his pants.

It's Official

My roller skating days are over. Today the roller rink was blessed with my performance of a spectacular wipe out. I'm now anxiously awaiting the Monday morning opening of the chiropractor's office. And based on the increasing pain in my left wrist, with concomitant loss of digit function, it's looking like the radiology department may get a visit also.

FYI: When attempting speed demon moves on roller skates, never underestimate the unpredictable swerving abilities of small children. On the bright side, by taking the crash solo, I may have saved the lives of three innocents.

Ground Hog Day

Remember this movie starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell?

We watched it tonight and started a conversation about what each of us would do if faced with living a day over and over and over again, knowing there would be no consequences. Would we eat whatever? say whatever? steal? cheat? In the movie, Murray (finally) learns the best way to spend his time is to serve others, the "curse" ends and time moves forward.

Quinn told us that if he could live the same day over and over he would, "streak all over the world!" I'll give him some more time to think about that one. Stay tuned.

My Nephew

Owen was planning an afternoon with his daddy at the arcade. On the way out the door he said to his mother, "Hey mommy, why don't you do some stuff just for me today? You know . . . like . . . clean up around here, etcetera. OK, Mom?"

He's so sweet and silly.

Little Pharoah

I asked Quinn if he'd like cheese and crackers for an after-school snack. He said, "YES! So let it be written. So let it be done."

OK.

Peaceful Transfer of Power

Amazing. I might look for a hat just like Aretha's. But . . . what's up with Kanye West at the Youth Inaugural Ball? I guess I'm no longer a youth.

And on a pro-life note: Here is a great commercial aired today from http://www.catholicvote.com/.

Favorite Aunt?

My sister went shopping for a specific shirt from a specific mall store per Rachel's birthday request. Here is a partial quote:

Went into Hollister for the first and last time today. It was dark and so loud that I had to scream to Chris who was standing right next to me. Got out ASAP. Next tried Abercrombie and Fitch. It was stinky and still pretty loud. At least there were naked people all over the walls and several [strange people] to hold my attention as I waited in line to pay for my purchase for twenty minutes. YIKES!!! I hope the purchase is worth it. Not even going to wrap it, just going to hand your daughter the bag with the two half naked men on it as wrapping. Love you.

I told my sister therein lies the dilemma. How much torture can she endure for the coveted title of "favorite aunt?"

Religious Freedom Day

"Religious freedom is the foundation of a healthy and hopeful society.
On Religious Freedom Day, we ... celebrate the first liberties enshrined
in our Constitution's Bill of Rights, which guarantee the free exercise
of religion for all Americans and prohibit an establishment of religion."

— President George W. Bush, proclaiming January 16, 2009,
as Religious Freedom Day

Cold. So Cold.

Mr. Rellim started a big, roaring fire when he got home from work this evening. Unfortunately, he forgot to open the flue. Now our doors and windows are open to air out the joint. I wish I hadn't wasted all that time dusting last night.

Refinancing

I've been pestering the kids to help pick up the house. Quinn asked why. I told him because a man would be here at 7:00 am tomorrow to appraise our home. Quinn said, "But why tomorrow?! It's not even Sunday!"

I realized that he mistook "appraise" for "praise." I'm not sure if that is even a job - home praising. I suppose there are stranger religions.

New Day. New Shot.

Mr. Rellim received another translateralowhoopadigger epidural injection today. (I can't remember the exact term, but the needle was about twice as long because it was inserted laterally into the spine in order to get closer to the nerve root.) I didn't have to ask to be included in the procedure room this time. The doctor invited me in. Mike thinks it's because the doc was showing off for me. I think it's because I ask a lot of questions and it's just easier to show me.

Anyway, Rachel and Mike are at a basketball game tonight, so I think he's feeling better.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Rellim!

Here's to better birthday presents this year - although those trousers do look pretty snazzy!

Chemistry

In some college chemistry classes each student is asked to identify an unknown substance. There are many methods by which this can be ascertained; none though as quick as that demonstrated by my nearly 13-year-old daughter.

Just five minutes ago Rachel showed me a sandwich bag full of what looked to be pencil shavings and asked, "Mom, what is this?" Many questions raced through my mind including where in the heck she found it. Never did I think to tell her, "Whatever you do - DON'T stick your finger in the bag and taste it."

Well, I should have thought it because she did it. Tasting is definitely not my first choice when attempting to identify an unknown. You? Fortunately it was a bag full of bran from my mother who wants me to start cooking healthy.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Hahaha! I had forgotten about this picture. My sisters and I were attempting to NOT smile for a family photo so that we could print it in black and white. Let me provide captions for you from L to R starting in the back.
Marcie: I'm in a trance. Let me stay here.
Jodie: Ha! I put you in that trance.
Jamie: Bull! You are both in trances because I SAID SO.
Kelly: What?
Mom: Yup. Those are trances all right.
Dad: Four girls. What are the odds?

Six Minutes

That's how long Rachel hollered, "Mom! Dad! Mom! Dad! Someone turn off my light!" (repeat).

I was already in bed, so did my best to ignore her (Aren't I a good mom?). Mr. Rellim (sporting a softer heart than me) finally came to her aid, at which time she exclaimed, "You know I've been yelling for six minutes? Six minutes!! How hard is it to come turn off my light?!"

I thought to myself how easy it would have been for me to walk in and throw a pillow at her. I also thought how easy it would be for Rachel to sit up, take three steps and turn off the light herself. Mike must have decided it wasn't worth it to argue logic with her at 9:45 pm. He's such a good dad.

27 Degrees

It was only 27 degrees out today and my son insisted that he did not need his winter coat - only his ski mask. He did concede, however, to carrying his winter coat to school. I wonder if it's legal to profile grade-schoolers on the basis of winter wear?

In other winter news: Quinn lost another pair of gloves. Maybe we will find them in a glorious Florida home with the mismatched socks. Or maybe they are on the Island of Misfit Toys.

New Year's Resolutions?

Have you made any? I'm going to get back in shape and fuss at my family less. Here are some resolutions for every day that I lifted from an article by Max Lucado:

– Once a week, let a child take you on a walk.
– Make major decisions in a cemetery.
– Don’t spend tomorrow’s money today.
– Pray twice as much as you fret.
– Listen twice as much as you speak.
– Never outgrow your love of sunsets.
– God has forgiven you; you’d be wise to do the same.
– Toot your own horn and the notes will be flat.
– The book of life is lived in chapters, so know your page number.
– Never let the important be the victim of the trivial.
– Live your liturgy.

Debt Cures

I read a book this week by Kevin Trudeau titled "Debt Cures They Don't want you to Know about." I think it could be better titled, "If you have a lot of debt, here are many ways you can avoid paying it by tricking the collection agencies."

I think Saturday Night Live did a skit once about this very subject. Their book was titled "If You Don't Have the Cash, Don't Buy It." That was the title of the book, the subject of each chapter and the words on each page. Could you imagine such a world?!

Banditos Bonitos

It's kinda hard to tell here, but my mother thought it would be a good idea to buy her five grandsons ski masks for Christmas. Of course, the boys all thought Grandma had purchased bank robbing outfits for them. Hilarious!

Happy New Year!

What could be better than a day of leisure, minimal sibling rivalry, a batch of homemade caramel corn and a good movie? Top it off with a game of Scrabble in front of a roaring fire (where mom kicks butt!) and you've got a recipe for a happy family.

"The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose, new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. …
Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective."

— G.K. Chesterton