Meat

Rachel is trying to convince her friends who are Catholic that fish is indeed meat. I've been trying to explain the difference between "meat" and red meat to no avail. Maybe she'll understand this, as quoted from Tommy Smothers: "Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you."

Nutrition

I was thinking about eating healthier, but then my Girl Scout cookie order arrived. Now I might have to wait until after the chocolate Easter bunnies are gone.

Worst Day Ever

Rachel called to tell me she had the worst day ever. Several typical fifth grade possibilities came to mind, but all were far from accurate.

The reason for the bad day: She's been trying to debate political and religious issues with fellow students and can't believe their inability to think things through logically and objectively.

"Yeah," I told her "you'll get that a lot."

Austin's First Wedding

My nephew served as ring bearer last weekend. Looks like GameBoy Advance saved the day (or at least the reception) for him!

My son was talking about his own wedding this morning. He's narrowed it down to two friends and says that one of them is pretty and the other one makes him laugh, so it's going to be hard to decide.

I reminded him that next year is fourth grade and that he might meet someone who is pretty AND makes him laugh, so he should keep his options open.

Computers!

Aren't they supposed to make our life easier?!

Yesterday I logged onto my online bill pay system and noticed that my credit card payment had been made on the 14th, but that the payment had been refunded back to my checking account two days later. At first I figured that meant I was the millionth customer or something and the credit card company paid my bill.

No such luck.

Today I had to talk to customer service reps (several times) and ended up making a RUSH payment (with a $15 service charge) in order to avoid a late fee of $39. Who's fault was it and why did I have to pay for it?

Shop Talk

We had the Caravan at the shop a couple weeks ago. It was leaking oil and coolant (not a good thing). Five-hundred-forty-three dollars later, I received a phone call telling me the van was ready to be picked up.

"Is it like new?" I asked.

"Well, it's like, not leaking," replied the Midas Man.

He must have a thing against little white lies. Makes me trust him more.

Not my kids

Stuck

I got stuck in my driveway today. Backing out of the garage, going DOWNhill, congratulating myself on not thwacking my sideview mirror on the garage frame (like Mr. Rellim did for the umpteenth time last week!), I celebrated prematurely, cut the wheels too soon and ended up inside the snowfort at the end of the yard.

If not for the courage of the fearless neighbor-in-snowsuit, the Caravan might still be there.

I wanted to take a picture for you, but I didn't know the level of patience of my rescuer or his cold tolerance for sub-zero temps.

Triple-Decker Sledding

Also known as a "Samburger." Better luck next time, Sam.

I'm not sure what's more funny:
A. The boys' father is slightly homophobic
B. The sledding hill is only about 20 feet long
C. The sledding hill ends abruptly with a thick hedge and chain link fence
D. The boys call this "the penguin slide"

Please register your vote by clicking on the "comments" link.

Snow Day II

All sunny with a nice coating of ice under about four inches of snow. That's not so bad. We got another snow day out of it. Remind me in June, when the school year is extended, how much fun we had today. The trees are sparkling and shimmering with icy gemstones.

It's kinda like someone went crazy with a "Bedazzler" kit last night!!

Snow Day!

From this vantage point, it's . . .
(begin music)

Under the canoes and over the fence to Rellim's house we go
No horse.
No sleigh.
It's cold today, but we are warm at ho-ome!

If you get caught in the neighbor's yard,
It's all your fault,
But, HEY!
He'll warm your nose with homemade wine
And make you glad you stayed!

(end music)

Thanks for the picture, Jim!

Thirty-eight

Happy (belated) birthday, Aunt Michelle!

When you blow on the candles, could you please wish for it to STOP snowing? Thanks.

Again, I Ask: ADHD?

4:00 p.m.
Me: Rachel, please empty the trash cans from around the house.
Rachel: (Walks to trash can in bathroom, but soaks in tub instead)

4:30 p.m.
Me: Rachel, time to empty the trash cans.
Rachel: (Walks to trash can in bedroom, but practices her trumpet instead)

5:00 p.m.
Me: Rachel, get the trash cans emptied.
Rachel: (Walks to trash can in kitchen, then ambles into computer room to google the capital of Canada)

6:15 p.m.
Me: (blogging)
Rachel: I don't think that's funny! I'm never going to listen to you ever again. If you think I'm ADHD, then I'll just act like I am ADHD! (Walks over to refrigerator to chop carrots for her rabbit)

6:20 p.m.
Rachel: (Walks outside to her rabbit)
Me: (Noticing carrots still on the counter by the refrigerator)
Mike: Tomorrow is garbage day. Who's emptying the trash cans?
Me: (Blogging) Ask Rachel.

Snow

I hope she wished for some more snow. The plain cold is just so boring without snow.

Croissants

While at the state convention for my profession I learned something new. And, in fact, we are requested to note on our convention review forms at least three new things we have learned. I forgot to mention this one on my convention materials, so I thought it best to blog it here.

If you want two croissants with butter and jam from room service at the Hyatt, do not request "two orders of croissants." Although they are VERY yummy, I was not prepared to eat six croissants or pay the 30 bucks.

I wonder how they will travel in my suitcase . . .

Rachel's New Clothes

Thanks, Aunt Jodie! These are even better than the Emperor's.

Haircut by Noris.

The Aformentioned Retainer

A bit vampire-ish, don't you think?

Rachel is Eleven

Believe it or not, this picture was approved by the pre-teen, who is very happy about her new bicycle helmet, pocket knife and homemade card. We are getting ready for heart-shaped cupcakes and Breyer's ice cream. I'll see if I can snap a more flattering picture.

Happy birthday, Rachel! I love you!!

Now You Don't. However . . .

However, nothing went as planned (per my plans, anyway). I was not impressed with the orthodontic assistant's ability to use latex gloves. I was absolutely unimpressed with the retainer given to my son which included a vampire-like tooth to fill in the gap where the cleft affected the alveolus.

Thankfully, Quinn was unaware of the tacky tooth until he took a look. But then he hollered across the office, "What!? Why did they give me a grandpa tooth? And where did they get it?!"

Within minutes, we were whisked to another room where another set of impressions were taken so that a proper retainer could be created. So, we wait another week. And this is the big, wide smile we've been waiting for!

Now you See 'em

Fourteen hours more, sweetie!

Use for Duct Tape # 4,345,687

Who needs to hire a furniture repairman when a sofa frame explodes due to a friendly game of "Who can jump the highest?" What is an upholsterer?

When one has duct tape, one holds the world in one's hands.

Directions

As written: The trailer is behind the truck stop on the other side of the overpass.

When I called for clarification: It's the FIRST trailer behind the truck stop on the other side of the overpass.

p.s. Please refer to the previous post titled "Language Disorders Can Be Fun."

College

Mr. Rellim woke me this morning with the newest tuition figures for the undergraduate college at the University of Illinois. It appears as though our children will NOT be going to college after all.

We broke the news to them at dinner, to which our son replied, "I don't care if I get a Master's. I just want a MasterCard."