Straight No Chaser

This is the best Christmas medley I've heard all month.

Who Ya Dancin' With?

Sometimes using all your strength means asking for help - as this video demonstrates.

Pig Candy

- it's not just for pigs. It's made from pigs . . . and brown sugar - lots of it - with a fair amount of cayenne pepper. Thank you, Mrs. Bickerson. Someday when we have high cholesterol and diabetes we'll think back on this day and ask, "Was it worth it?" Hmmm . . . You'll have to decide for your self. Click here for the Pig Candy recipe.

Shopping

Rachel told me that she noticed a lot of "tick stores" at the mall on Sunday.

She was talking about the flea market.

Merry Christmas!

Probably the worst thing we did was wrap underwear for Quinn in the box of the long-awaited Nintendo DS. This was the smile BEFORE he opened the gift. How 'bout that new orange vest?

Oh! Probably the second-worst thing we did was make fun of the soloist at Christmas Eve service. He sang O Holy Night acapella (in approximately 17 different keys) from the balcony behind us. A couple times we thought he started into a medley, then realized it was just the fourth and fifth verses of the song. Once I was certain that a balcony observer had grabbed his collar and started to choke him, but was wrong. Rachel noted that that some "Ho -o- o- o- ly"'s sounded like Santa's trademark laugh.

But, I remember singing in church as a teenager too. It's a wonder I was ever asked back. I suppose it's all about the joy of Christmas.

Leaving a Message

Thankfully, the message was left on my sister's machine and not, say, our babysitter's: "Uh, Hi! This is Quinn and I want to tell you I think you should name your baby . . . Just a minute . . . RACHEL LEAVE ME ALONE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TALKING ON THE PHONE?! . . . I think you should name your baby Charlie 'cause it's a good name and . . . RACHEL I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE! . . . So I'll see you tomorrow and can't wait to see your new baby. I love you."

Speaking of Bacon

My friend Mrs. Bickerson says these may be her new favorite Christmas cookie.

The Rellim boys are licking their lips.

Bacon

Guess what I found under my bed in a Wal-Mart bag with some Christmas gifts?
You guessed it.
Two pounds.

Hindsight

They say it's 20/20. I'd say they're right. Mr. Rellim told me he'd like to be a tattoo artist when he grows up. I let him practice on my lower back with a black sharpie. Now my hind is quite a sight!

Heat

Mr. Rellim and I were riding near the rear of the church bus on the annual Christmas caroling adventure with members of the praise team (Actually, it's a really cool shuttle.) and freezing our tails off. I could hear someone at the front of the bus complaining about the lack of heat and wondering if the heater was working at all. This person hollered back, "Are you getting any back there?"

My husband shouted, "Not yet, but I'm working on it!"

Responses ranged from nervous chuckles to hearty laughter. Did I mention that the praise team includes the executive minister, the minister of worship and at least three elders?

Lock Down Drill

I'm in my closet-room (as opposed to a classroom) during our school's lock down drill when I hear a knock at the door:

Voice: Police officer. Is anyone in there?
Me: Yes.
Voice: You are not supposed to answer! Now open the door!
Me: No!
Voice: Good girl.

Podiatrist

On her third visit to the podiatrist, Rachel was asked how her plantar warts were doing. Rachel took off her right sock and showed the doctor that her foot looked great. He then asked how her left foot felt (since that is the foot with the warts). She looked mildly surprised that she had chosen the wrong foot - and he could surmise how well she had been following treatment protocol.

Dear Olan Mills,

I paid for these pictures. Can I legally post them on my blog?

Personal Observation

If your nine-year-old son must choke on a piece of candy, be sure it happens while standing in line at the hospital pharmacy behind an ER nurse. Talk about service!

I wonder if she will have to write up an incident report?

Oh, Goodie!

Mike left for a meeting tonight and told me that if the kids were asleep and the house picked up when he gets home that he will be able to spend a little time with me tonight.

Hmmm . . . And if the house is NOT picked up? Will I get to read alone by the fire while he runs the vacuum? Sounds like one of those win/win situations to me.

Happy Birthday, Papa Wayne!

Aren't you glad that you don't have to ride a horse to school anymore?

At the Pizzeria

Quinn burped and I told him he needed to say "excuse me" and cover his mouth if it happened again.

It happened again.

He chose to cover his mouth with his glass, which did not muffle the sound, but project it with great amplification to the table behind us.

Global Warming

I'm a skeptic. So is Stuart Shepard in his whimsical Stoplight video. Whatdya think?

School Days

1. Rachel reported that a couple girls in her classroom are being noticed as good readers. They are friends of hers, yet Rachel is concerned that they may be nudging her out of the perceived "favorite girl" position. Rachel asked if I could talk to her teacher about this.

2. Quinn is a good student with borderline behavior disorder (joke). I'm enjoying the irony that he is fairly popular with his peers and is the "Star Student" of the week, while his by-the-book teacher must be squirming.

I know. This post is a bit twisted. But if you can't laugh at your life (and your kids' lives) you'll go crazy.

Don't Buy It!

If word gets out about this book, my job could be in jeopardy.

The Tree is Up

It really is a nice, big tree. You just can't tell with us standing in front of it. Quinn's not pleased with this shot because he said "rectangle shirts aren't really my style."