Nonsense Trivia

Q: What's the most common thing heard before a trip to the ER?

A: Someone hollering, "Hey, ya'll - watch'is!!!"

White Peacock

We celebrated Christmas in January with food and a white elephant gift exchange. I was lucky enough to receive this Peacock lamp. Can you see how the orange marbles light up all along the tail? Friends laughed hearty laughs, but I REALLY like it! Rachel wants to use it as a night light, but I'm not sure it's up to code to burn all night.

My Watch

I looked all over the house for it Sunday morning, but didn't find it until Sunday afternoon while driving. It was on my wrist. SCARY, ain't it?

How To

How to obstruct a federal judicial nominee. Not for the faint of heart - or secular progressive types. I'm all for fair "up or down" votes. There's even a link from there that will allow you to compose your own letter to Senator Patrick Leahy, committee chair over these nominations. Give it a whirl.

3rd and 4th Grade Basketball

Awards should be given to the volunteer coaches of this league. Quinn is the oldest and tallest on his team, which includes an eclectic mix of young boys. Since I don't know all their names, I've decided to give them Native American names. There is He-Whose-Shoes-Fall-Off, He-Whose-Father-Laughs-Like-A-Woman, Mr.-Double-Dribble, Little-One-Wearing-Big'm-Glasses, Son-Of-Screaming-Mother, and QUINN-PASS-THE-BALL!!!!

Haircut

OK, everybody!

By his own free will, Quinn (aka: Napoleon Dynamite, Castro, Dynamo, Scary-haired boy) got a haircut today.

He's worried that this new 'do makes his butt look bigger. (Not really. That's one of those poetic license things I'm entitled to as the main blog editor.)

Bus Stop

I met the kids at the bus stop after school and Rachel reported that "after giving adequate verbal warning," she was forced to punch a boy who rides their bus. She told me that she hit him in the chest ". . . right above the heart where Dad says it hurts the most". She said that she was trying to protect Quinn because this boy was throwing peanuts at him.

I asked Quinn why someone was doing this and he said, "Well, people who don't know me think I look funny. I mean, check this out!" He then pulled down his hood to show me his hair, which he is trying to grow. (It's growing alright - straight OUT from his head!) I laughed. I laughed even harder when he told me that even kids from his own class today asked him, "What happened? Did you touch a jolt of lightening or something?"

Surprisingly, Quinn still refuses to get his hair cut.

Love and Respect

It's a new book I read last night. Did you know that women want love and men want respect? Anyway, I decided to complete one of the first assignments, and that was to tell my husband that I respected him, then be ready with a few reasons why.

I began, but was met with this response, "Have you been drinking?"

Commercials

Thank you to the TV commercials who have convinced my son that we MUST buy a "Magic Bullet" mini food processor blender thingy and some steam iron do-hickey.

And thank you to the public service announcements which have added new words to my daughter's vocabulary, including herpes and erectile dysfunction.

You Call That a Knife?!

Remember that line from "Crocodile Dundee?"

Well, airport security does not like to hear it spoken. And apparently, they don't let them pass in luggage without inspection. Mr. Rellim received a very large knife yesterday, as a token of appreciation for a job well-done at a large pig show in Texas. When he saw his suitcase at the baggage claim center this afternoon, there was a bright orange sticker on it. Fortunately, the contents had been cleared by security without delay.

I guess his name is now on another list.

Question

Rachel had a friend spend the night and they were awake until midnight, which meant that I was also awake until then. Quinn, who had gone to bed at his regular time, woke up at his regular time, got dressed, then woke me up about 6:15 to ask, "Mom, do you think I'm overdressed?"

The Games We Play

Do you play games in the car to pass the time? My family (NOT me) has decided to play several "I Spy" games that reward the player with the opportunity to punch someone's arm in the car. Here is THE rule: Be the first person to spy one of these vehicles and shout out the appropriate phrase to earn punching rights.

PT Cruiser - "Bruiser Cruiser!"
VW Beetle - "Slug Bug!"
any yellow vehicle - "Yellow car/van/truck bingo!"
any vehicle with a headlight out - "pediddle!"

I might have to think about buying some body armor.

Tongue Twister

I was on a speech-language database for tongue twisters and found one that could potentially get me fired. I might have to save it for just the right moment:

I am not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
'cause the pheasant plucker's running late.

I will not spit

The kids had to write this 50 times each. Rachel substituted "h" for "p" several times so Mike asked her to write 50 more lines. She used long, skinny letters and wrote the sentence twice, each covering 25 lines. So clever, yet so very busted. She will be writing tonight for a long time.

WMI

I watched Mike Huckabee last night. I can't help but think of Huckleberry Finn, Huckleberry Hound and Yogi the Bear when I hear his last name. Anyway, he was talking about his plan for education reform and mentioned the title of his idea to be WEAPONS OF MASS INSTRUCTION (WMI). I liked it. A little humor is a good thing. I've already used the term in a staff meeting to my delight and others' confusion.

The Dance

"Did you see that lady?! She just walked right into me! What do I look like? A target?! I swear we were about 20 steps apart when I noticed she was walking toward me, so I took a step to the right. Then she took a step to the right. So I took a step to the left. Then she took a step to the left. Am I so big that as soon as people see me they panic?! For some reason, people seem to gravitate toward me. I see them coming and I'm polite and freeze in place and the people just freak out and manage to bob and weave toward me until we collide! People do this ALL THE TIME!"

laments Mr. Rellim.

Webkinz

Who thought of this idea? I love the stuffed-animal pets with virtual chores, and no allergens! (Well, the actual dust mites are really minimal.) Quinn purchased "Chocolate" - a chocolate lab and "Dasher" - a reindeer. Here he is singing his pets to sleep on the pillow next to him.

Hairy

We are not particularly hairy people. In fact, Mike only needs to shave about every three days. A couple weeks ago Mike decided to try to grow a mustache and beard. It's not going so well.

About the same time, I decided to stop shaving my legs in protest. Today at a meeting I realized my socks were not reaching my pant cuff and that shocked people sitting near me probably don't understand this contest. We may have to call a truce.

Antarctica

The science worksheet asked for nonfood items one might take on a trip to Antarctica. Quinn replied, "Ice blocks. You'll need them to build an igloo."

Now and Then

I found this picture of Quinn reminiscent of his grandpa Dale on a Christmas about 25 years ago. I think the change in hairstyle trend to be a positive.

Fabrication

My father once told me that he thinks I make up these stories. Oh . . . I might enhance them slightly in order to tell a proper story - or I might only present one side of the issue (What journalist is not guilty of that?!) - but pictures don't lie. Plus, I have no idea how to Photoshop anything.

Foot Chargers

Oops! It's sideways!

I was looking for Quinn on a recent trip to the thrift store. I found him in the dressing room trying out a pair of electric foot massagers from the 1980s. I was surprised that he had not electrocuted himself.

BTW, he bought them for $3.50.

Red Flags

Our neighbors took out the fence and hedge that separated our property from theirs. Last week they put up red flags to signify the property line. I guess they didn't like our kids sledding down onto their fresh sod grass.

I liked the hedge better.

Rose Bowl

While the men watched the game and the women left to run an errand, the children decided to check out the hot tub on the neighbor's deck. (Mind you that it was less than 20 degrees.) The ice held three tweenagers, but buckled under the weight of Quinn. The boy has had his first polar bear plunge.