When I Grow Up

When I grow up, I'm going to be fifteen. My body will be in shape - there will be no effects from gravity. I will live on french fries, hot fudge sundaes and cheeseburgers without complication. I will read in the dark without glasses. I won't pay taxes, worry about political scandals or wonder what my teenage daughter is saying in her 2,000+ texts per month - nevermind to whom they are being sent. And best of all - I will be indestructable, omniscient and full of advice for my elders - who should just "get with it already!"