Selflessness

The sermon was about how Jesus gave up everything for us.  And how he arranged for the care of his mother in his last moments on the cross.  The pastor talked about how we need to be more selfless.

On the way out of church, Mr. Rellim said to someone, "Well, I'd love to stay and visit, but we have an Illini game to watch.  And I realize the irony of my situation."

Forgiveness

The sermon was about forgiveness.  After church, I walked over to talk to an older gentleman that I hadn't seen for almost two years.  He looked a bit more feeble and I was sort of worried that he might not remember me.  I greeted him and said, "Hello!  I've been thinking about you and I'm so glad to see you this morning."  Without missing a beat, he asked, "Why?  Am I someone you need to forgive?"

Better than the Wet Sock

When I was 19 years old, my parents took my three younger sisters and me on my last family vacation.  The six of us drove to Orlando, Florida to experience Disney World.  This was a generous vacation for any child to experience, but unfortunately, I was extremely ungrateful.  I'm sure it was because of my age - and now I finally understand that!  Or maybe it's because six is a crowd in any standard hotel room.

One evening, after a rainstorm, the power went out and the only light source was a Mickey flashlight, whose current new owner was my youngest sister, age twelve.  We needed the light to shower and use the restroom, but she wouldn't let anyone touch it.  Instead, she insisted on standing in the corner of the bathroom, holding the flashlight.

The humidity got worse with the showering, and then the air conditioning unit started leaking.  One of my sisters complained of this and my father pretty much told her to be quiet.  A few minutes later we heard a loud "THWACK!"  I laughed because whatever it was sounded funny.  My dad lunged toward the laughter, because he assumed the person laughing had thrown the wet sock (wet from the puddle of water near the air conditioner) which had hit his face, making the loud "THWACK!"

With the chaos, I'm not exactly sure what happened, but no one was injured.  The power was eventually restored and we lived to tell the tale.  My dad says that vacationing with five women is enough to kill a weaker man.  I'm still uncertain which of my sisters threw that sock, but my dad still believes it was me.

But this post was really to tell you about the night in the hotel room with the Rellims on Friday night . . .

We were all snuggled down for a long winter's nap, when what to my wondering ears should be heard, but the simple question, "Where's Quinn?" asked Rachel.

I knew a few moments ago that he was lying in the bed next to Rachel.  No one had opened a door.  No one was in the bathroom.  And the room was pitch black.  That could only mean one thing - Quinn was on the prowl to scare the crap out of someone.

I assumed my defensive stance  - fetal position, under the covers, eyes closed.

Mr. Rellim was not so forward-thinking and took a small punch in the gut from the invisible man.

I know I shouldn't laugh, but it really was funny.

Another Visit

We are home from another college visit.  This time, Rachel had an interview for acceptance into the Honors Program and a vocal audition.  This is  her school of choice, but we haven't confirmed yet because we are waiting to hear about the financial aid package - and of course, whether she is awarded a music scholarship.

How do people afford college?

Netsch

"She just never found her netsch in life, I guess."

The SLP in me just could not stay quiet.  I asked the speaker if she was talking about a bird and if so, the word was "nest."  If not, the word was niche.

BTW, I have a close relationship to the speaker and she understands me.

Currently Salivating

Mr. Rellim read much of this book aloud to me yesterday.  He was very much impressed with the creative use of one of his favorite ingredients.  His only criticism:  "They should double the amount of bacon in every recipe!"

It's True

At 8:01 a. m. a coworker said, "Mrs. Rellim, wait!  You have something on your pants."

At 8:03 a. m. I used the bathroom mirror to deduce that the "something" was a tear - a long vertical tear.  Too bad my underwear did not match my pants.  I just kept my sweater pulled down low.

New Driver

"But, Mom!  I didn't even know the car was getting close - until I hit it!"

So . . . is that an excuse?

I'm considering never driving a newer car ever again.  But perhaps my children are taking care of that for me.

Use This Word in a Sentence

Gleeful

"I'm having a gleeful time eating my bacon and egg sandwich.  Don't tell me to wipe my mouth."

(I didn't even know it was a word.  And I certainly didn't think it would be used in conjunction with a breakfast experience.  But then again, I must remember the genetics into which I married.)

Heaven's New Resident

My grandma, Grace Annabelle.  I miss her, but smile when I think about the reunions taking place!

She was a talented vocalist before Star Search could find her.  

Today, she might have been a multi-millionaire.

She was a wife and mother back when that profession was honored as it should be.

She was a modern woman before her time – widowed into single motherhood with five kids at home.

She was a single mother before it became a protected status.

She was a strong woman who worked hard to support her family when women were not appreciated in the workforce.

She raised five children who love Jesus.

She may have inadvertently invented the crock pot by slow-cooking a roast in a big pot on the back burner for a couple days.

She was present and involved with family events and activities.

She baked a mean pumpkin roll.

She spoke her mind.

She loved.

And she found love again when she married Russ in 2004.

He has lovingly cared for her since that time.

She was beautiful her entire life.

And I can only imagine her glorified body as Jesus will see her.

She lived well.

She is loved.

Eighteen

There is now another legal adult living in our home.  Beautiful, brainy, silly - she bought an e-cigarette over her lunch hour.  Maybe she isn't concerned about second hand water vapor.

Her grandparents, an aunt and a cousin visited for supper and chocolate cake.  My mom reminisced, "When I was your age, I was already engaged.  To Bob."

"Who's Bob?" Rachel asked. 

Audit Risk: High

I mean, I appreciate the honesty of Turbo Tax, but what am I supposed to do?  Un-deduct my business expenses so that it appears I turned a profit?  Not take the child Earned Income Credit?  Forget about the unreimbursed business mileage?  Quit reporting donations to religious groups?

And how is it that we both got raises in 2013, yet our AGI fell by 3K?  Oh, yeah - the deductions - and increases in insurance premiums.

C'mon, IRS!  You've audited us twice already.  Please leave us alone.  Don't you have bigger fish to fry?

It was a Dark and Stormy Morning

Mr. Rellim and I decided to brave the weather to do some Wal-Mart-ing.  I wore a pullover with a hood.  The fella in line behind us planned poorly, but I give him points for ingenuity.  He was paying for a box of Hefty trash bags - minus one.

That one, friends, was out of the box and over his head - with three holes poked out for his neck and arms.

I haven't seen the likes of that since my high school summers spent roguing and detassling corn.  I wore a trash bag every morning to walk through the corn until the dew evaporated.

While looking for a picture to post of such a sight, I came across this blog post about how trash bags can be an excellent piece of a survival kit.

Communicators R Us

While eating at a local restaurant, Rachel and I both heard Mr. Rellim exclaim excitedly about his ovaries.

Rachel laughed.  I wondered if he had taken some pain meds before leaving.

When given chance to explain himself, "Mr. Rellim happily stuffed more of his over-easy eggs into his mouth."

Take Me to Your Leader

Spidey is fairly enamored with The Amazing Spiderman.  He often confuses fantasy and reality. 

We used FaceTime today in therapy to have a conversation with another boy.  It was a chance to help Spidey learn conversational skills for meeting new people.  The boy mentioned that he was going swimming later today.  Spidey asked, "Is it summer in your world?!"

The boy tried to explain that he was in the same world as Spidey but that the swimming pool was indoors at the YMCA.  Spidey was not convinced.

Recovery

We had heard that patients should sleep in a recliner following shoulder surgery because resting flat in bed would be extremely uncomfortable.  And now we KNOW that to be true.

Thank you to Polly who loaned us a recliner in which Mr. Rellim currently sleeps.

We had heard that sudden movements should be avoided following shoulder surgery.  Now we KNOW that sudden movements (and in particular, quick, jerking movements) cause pain.  But we did not know how often these sudden movements might occur.  For example, Mr. Rellim tends to flinch in the following situations:

1.  When Quinn jumps out from unexpected places.
2.  When nearly tripping over the extension cord on the ice pack machine.
3.  When watching zombie movies.
4.  When Rachel screams because her brother nearly tricked her into eating pork.  (In his defense, he did think it was buffalo chicken dip.)
5.  When laughing at funny Psych episodes.
6.  When Quinn jumps out from unexpected places.

College Follies

Rachel and I visited her top-choice college yesterday.  I gave her the atlas and asked her to plot our course.  She told me how to get to Rockford (but the college is in Rock Ridge).

Rachel wanted to see the campus at night, so while we were driving around, I stopped and convinced a couple of coeds to climb in the backseat and give us a tour.  The pick up line was something like this, "You both know that you should never ever accept rides from strangers, but  . . . "

During an icebreaker activity in the psychology department open house, I skewed the data by anticipating that it was an experiment, predicting the response they expected I would make, then doing something different.  Rachel appeared to be mortified, but I think she was secretly impressed.

Narcotics is Funny

Mr. Rellim had shoulder surgery yesterday and the painkillers have been causing him to say some funny things.  Rachel and I have started a list and thought we would share some with you:

1.  Is this ice even cold?
2.  I can feel my thumb now.  It's all numb.
3.  Why doesn't anyone ever buy me Scooby Snacks?
4.  I don't have autism!
5.  Give them some money from my cash-hole (I think he meant "wallet.").

Excuse Me

I was using Facetime with my almost-three-year-old niece, Evelyn.  She was reading books to me and trying to play a card game Memory.  It's not the same playing a game via video call.

My sister hiccuped and said, "Excuse me!  I hiccuped."
Evelyn stood up and said, "Excuse me!  I peed."

First manners, then toilet-training.

Snow Day

We have shoveled our driveway four times today and made a couple snowmen.   Well, one snowman is sort of a grinch-looking creature with really long walking stick arms.  The other is much shorter, with antlers - like the Grinch's dog, Max.

Enjoy this video too!

Speech-Language Pathology Humor

Sometimes people mistake my fantastic diadochokinetic skills for beatboxing. 
And I'm OK with that.

Wifey

Is that what you call a photo that your wife takes of the two of you?

And here we had a casual Christmas Eve.  Rachel was only one week post third ACL repair and we all look a little tired.  At one point during the church service the organist started falling behind (like several counts behind) the keyboard and guitars.  I wondered if they were trying to sing Silent Night as a round.  Rachel (who had been sitting during the song) hobbled to her feet and said, "Get me outta here!  I gotta get outta here!"  Mr. Rellim knew she was just reacting to the musical confusion (and hydrocodon).  Mr. Rellim's sister thought Rachel was going to be ill.  I imagined perhaps that a zombie had sucked out the organist's brain and was headed our way.

Don't judge us.  It's been a long week.

Welcome

It was the greatest passing of noxious gas that Christmas cookie baking has likely ever known, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.  Rapid flapping of arms made no difference.  I opened the door despite  the dealer's warning and in walked seven caroling neighbors, who stood in its wake and sang three beautiful songs.

It was the best of times.  It was the worst of times.

Meds

My good friend called yesterday and began the conversation with, "I just took a muscle relaxant, so I don't know how good I'll be long for talking."

Rachel took some narcotic painkillers this morning before her post-op appointment and she just wouldn't stop (trash) talking.  In the doctor's office she rambled, "So, this really hurts, yeah, right there where you touched.  What did you do there?  Why did you do that?  What do you mean you put an extra screw there?  Do you like cutting people?  Have you always wanted to cut people?  Even when you were little?  I think you put a screw there just so my leg would hurt.  And look at these bruises.  Who did that?  Why?  Do you people like hurting people?"

The surgeon looked at me and I just shrugged, shook my head and rolled my eyes.

But I love his answer, "Yes, you were specifically targeted for persecution by the hospital staff and me.  I wanted to be a lumberjack when I was seven.  Then I wanted to be a computer programmer when I was 14.  Then I didn't know what I wanted to do - so I went to college and now I'm an orthopedic surgeon.  I cut people for my job, not because I want to make you hurt."

I'm so glad he has a teenager at home.

Happiness

I was just getting ready to blog about looking for a patio chair that Rachel could use in the shower today.  Then I remembered that those patio chairs melted in the garage fire a couple months ago.  Then I remembered how right I was about telling her not to leave candles burning unattended in the first place.  It felt good being right, even though I was mildly unhappy.

Then I got an email from my friend, Steve, sharing a scientific? study regarding happiness, being right, and quality of life.  Is this what the National Institute of Health spends its money researching?  I think it's better fit for a Saturday Night Live skit.  And I know just the interpreter for the deaf to hire.

Concert Faux Pas

The high school choral director teaches the kids much about proper concert manners. My father broke many last night when he leaned over to me between songs and attempted to whisper, "You know?  Quinn is really starting to grow up into a handsome little shit."

Did I mention that the concert was held in the sanctuary of a small church in town?  And that the pews were packed?

And on a related note:  When did my parents start swearing in casual conversation?  I recall being grounded once for saying "hell" on a visit home from college during my freshman year.

Third ACL Repair. Same Knee.

Let's not do this again, OK?

I'm trying to think of something funny about it all.

Oh, yeah.  In pre-op after the administration of the meds, Rachel started giggling uncontrollably.  This lasted for about five minutes.  Then she said up straight and said, "Wow!  That hit me fast and hard, but I could totally drive now."

She spent the next few minutes trying to set off the alarm for oxygen saturation levels by holding her breath.  "That'll teach 'em!" she said.

Visitors

Quinn sneaked up behind me and made that Anthony Hopkins Silence of the Lambs tongue-sucking noise while I was cooking supper.  I screamed with gusto, then turned and shouted, "Don't you ever do that again or I WILL KILL YOU!"

Then, remembering that Rachel had a new boy friend (two words) visiting, I chuckled and said, "Oh, you silly kid!  Now go set the table."

The boy friend has not been back since.

You all have my permission to use that technique, if needed, to clear your daughter's friends away.

Things Kids Say

"My dad ate lunch with a body," said a Kindergarten deer-hunting enthusiast.
"Oh?" I asked, "Like a deer carcass?"
"No!  Like a body!" he said, patting his chest.  "It was in the refrigerator and my dad had a sandwich."

I laughed initially, then told him to change the subject or I was going to have to make a bunch of embarrassing phone calls that afternoon.

Proofreading

Doesn't anyone proofread anymore?  It seems that computers can do (almost) all of that for us.

Unfortunately for Ariel, the student soloist at the last chorus program, the group of letters that were typed for her name by the student author were not even close to "Ariel."  Instead, the spell check program automatically corrected to "anal."

I laughed and laughed.

Thankful

Among our many blessings including family and friends, we are so thankful that we have health insurance.  Obamacare has not yet come between us and our physician.  This is particularly relevant since Mike and Rachel both had appointments with the orthopedic surgeon Tuesday.  Mike has likely torn the labrum in his shoulder.  An MRI on the 13th will provide the details.  Rachel commented, "I didn't know men had labrum."  I told her, "I believe they do and the word you were thinking was labia."  Much laughter ensued.

The laughter helped blunt the blow from the surgeon's assessment of Rachel's ACL repair at six months post-op.  We were expecting that she was nearing discharge from physical therapy.  Instead he informed us that he believes the tendon graft has failed and he needs to perform a revision. This will happen on the 16th.

But life is good, just full of surprises.  We'd be bored without them, right?
Happy Thanksgiving!

Irony

"Responsibility! . . . blah blah blah . . . . Planning ahead for the future!  . . . blah blah blah . . . Timelines! . . . Deadlines! . . . blah blah blah . . . ."  It was a message of great importance for my daughter.  It was also one-sided and sort of louder than typical conversational speech (because she was wearing super-cool headphones that she has borrowed from someone).

I didn't understand why she didn't want to go to Wal-Mart with me after our "discussion."  So I backed out of the garage alone - and crashed right into her car.

"I got her as good as she got me," was the text I sent to Mr. Rellim.

Chicagoland

Great friends, good pizza, chocolate chip cookie pie and lots of reminiscing and laughter.  What more could a woman want?

Oh!  Windshield wipers.  I did buy a set of wipers tonight.
And I ordered carpeting for the computer room. 
Mr. Rellim is out of town for a few days.

In Case You Wondered

What does the farmer say?

C'mon!

I think this commercial is hilarious!

Why You Should Car Shop Every Saturday

People open doors for you, call you "ma'am," laugh at all your jokes, ask you questions about your family, and really listen to you.  I'm driving a Ford Fusion right now and the salesman even gave me his personal cell phone number in case I have questions this weekend.

I know he thinks I'm going to keep it until Monday, but my plan is to drive it to the Toyota dealer in a few minutes to do a side-by-side comparison with the Camry.  Do you think there is any sort of breach of ethics in that plan or is it just ingenious?

Multi-tasking

When I multitask it often involves monitoring a load of laundry, a sink full of dishes, two or three pots on the stove, checking phone messages and emails, sorting the snail mail, directing teens to appropriate, helpful tasks, and answering questions about why we don't have unlimited allowances.

When Quinn multitasks it often involves watching TV and eating a bowl of cereal.  And during such time, he wishes not to be spoken to because it interrupts his concentration.

I think he must have inherited that from his father.

You're Fired!

We are still searching for a church to call home.  This is made exponentially more difficult because of the age of our children, who are now resisting going to church at all.  Rachel has been attending a church where she knows the choir director so she can sing there (and so she won't have to sit near me on Sunday morning).  Quinn tends to shuffle alongside us on Sundays and pretend like he isn't there.

Today, we all agreed to attend a church together.  As we approached the door to the building, a high school classmate shouted, "Quinn?!  What are you doing here?!"

Interesting (and unfortunate) choice for welcoming committee member. . . .