Quinnism

"I'm tired of all this idiocrasy!"

Maybe he's said that before, but I'm not sure if I've posted it.

Buddy, I'm tired of all the idiocrasy too.  Maybe the voters will show up and make some changes in 2014.

Never look a Gifting Neighbor in the Mouth

Mrs. Other Neighbor walked over last night to give me a "hand painted" ceramic vase.  She told me that she couldn't use it anymore, but that she and her sister had bought it in Rockford from a pottery store.  I thanked her and chatted briefly before heading back inside, so thankful that I hadn't read the bottom of the vase while we were speaking.  On a bright orange sticker were the words, "Big Lots  $4.99."

New Term Overheard

Unnecessary Manslaughter.

Quinn was pretty close.

Easton's Plea

My five-year-old nephew, Easton really wants some new swimming trunks.  I heard him exclaim, "But, Mom!  I need new ones too.  Mine are all growed up out of me!"

I'm pretty sure he was saying that he had grown out of all his current swimwear.

Goals

Rachel's goal for last week was to sign up to take the ACT test again.  It took her three hours on the computer.  Maybe we should re-think her not taking her ADD medicine over the summer.

My goal for today was to sign up the kids for checking accounts and debit cards.  We took care of that this morning with a minimum balance of $50 each.  Next, I asked them to determine how much money they think they will need each month for expenses such as gas, school lunch, occasional ice cream or movie outing.  Of course, this money will be contingent upon their work for the household.

Quinn decided he could live on $390/month.  Rachel bargained for $275/month.

In the Presence Of

In the presence of Rachel's openly homosexual friend, a young man walked up and asked, "Do you think this shirt makes me look gay?"

Rachel was horrified.  Her friend offered a deep belly-laugh and told the young man that his shirt was "awesome!"

Good Ol' Summertime

Rachel has a couple friends over right now.  They arrived just in time for supper - which is good because I made too much food.  The warm bacon dressing was a hit.  It's also a gift that will keep on giving because someone just spilled it onto my laptop keyboard.

One of the guys is staying home alone this week while his parents are on vacation.  It's storming, so I told him he could stay here tonight if he felt safer.  When I learned he had a basement at his house, I said, "Or you might be safer in your basement."  The other guy said, "Unless there is someone in your basement right now, waiting for you to get home."

Hmmm . . . we might have a house guest tonight.

Welcome Stick

Rachel has had several informal gatherings in our two-car garage this summer, which we have converted into our poor man's patio by adding area rugs, a table, chairs, couch and many, many Christmas lights.  Tonight is one of those gatherings and Mike and I took a  quick walk around the block trying to catch the "supermoon."  No luck.  On the way back up our driveway, we were greeting by a screaming young man wielding a large two-by-four and running straight toward us.  As soon as he recognized us, he said, "Oh my gosh!  I'm sorry!  I thought you were Zara and Zoe."

Oh.  That makes it all better.  I'm sure Mrs. neighbor was just waiting for a reason to call 911.  No need.  He must just be the welcoming committee.

Logs

In our state, it is necessary to log at least 50 hours of driving with a parent before getting a driver's license.  Quinn's driving log is in a spiral notebook, with neat columns including:  line number, date, begin time, end time, mom/dad, weather condition, and total driving time.  Today's entry was line number 36, sunny weather, beginning at 10:18, ending at 11:32.

Contrast this with Rachel's driving log that she created approximately ten minutes before going to the DMV to get her license on the occasion of her 16th birthday.

Oh!  And today, while Quinn zoomed through Wal-Mart parking lot, I asked, "Hey!  Did you look to your right?"  He snarled back, "Quit distracting me while I'm driving!"

So . . . checking to his right is not part of his driving?

Elocution

Today in church, Rachel abruptly grabbed my arm to say through clenched teeth, "MOM! You can't sing 'amayzing.'  You should always say, 'amehzing' when you are up there singing.  Your vowels are way too bright!" 

I just smiled, because if that's the best she could come up with to complain about this morning, then things must be going pretty darn well.

My sister sent me a picture of her two-year-old daughter, Evelyn.  Reminds me a lot of Rachel.  Sometimes I miss the days when the biggest problems involved trying to keep her from picking the flowers in the backyard.

Qellim

Rachel's ACT scores arrived.  Unfortunately, she must have bubbled her name incorrectly on test day, because the scores are for "Rachel Qellim."  Now, this isn't necessarily a huge problem - I mean, a simple phone call was all it took to make the correction with the ACT testing service.  However, she is now getting college admission information addressed to Ms. Qellim.  And her test scores were also reported to her chosen universities under her new alias.

Fair v. Equal

Am I the only person out there who is appalled by the idea that everyone should be given whatever is necessary to achieve equal outcomes?  Here is an example of what school children are being taught.

First of all, why are these people watching from the back fence instead of paying for entry into the stadium?
Secondly, whose idea was it to  place a small child atop two crates?  And where did the crates come from?

Teachers are being told to give each student whatever is necessary for him to "succeed."  In the photo above, success is measured by the ability to see over the fence.  In school, "success" is measured by grades.  And the students who are unable to achieve a "C" or above are given extra time to complete work, less homework, use of a calculator, preferential seating in the classroom, much extra help, and typically, unlimited "do-overs."  This is not real life.

I believe that schools should be trying to help students and parents identify intrinsic strengths/skills/abilities all the while holding high expectations of basic curricular studies.  Instead of giving unlimited advantages to students who aren't skilled academically, inadvertently misinforming them of their abilities,  how about helping them develop life skills?  How about schools teaching kids that everyone is NOT equal?  That everyone will NOT have similar life outcomes?  That perseverance and hard work and self-reliance will be rewarded and are necessary skills for success?

Great Lengths

My teenage son went to great (creative) lengths to ignore me yesterday.

A New Commercial for Verizon

Perhaps Verizon should change its commercial to something more like this .

Their Turn

We have been audited by the IRS - twice.  The incredulousness of the experience was overshadowed only by anxiety.  Why was a family making less than 50K being scrutinized?  I wonder now if the generous donations to our church, politically conservative groups (Focus on the Family, Family Research Council) and Christian adoption sponsor (Show Hope) threw a flag.  And our CPA at the time suggested it was due to the number of miles we deducted for Mike's work expense.

I hope the entire agency has an overhaul!  Time for a flat tax.  And there is no way in hell that our government - especially the IRS - should have any sort of oversight regarding my healthcare.

I heard that certain IRS employees are stating that they can't find receipts of certain transactions that have been requested by the Weighs and Means Committee.

The Goddess Award

Rachel made it to her soccer banquet tonight - riding high on hydrocodon! 

It is the tradition for the team captains to give each teammate a special award.  My favorite was to a slim girl with a big appetite.  She was recognized for "never finding a calorie she didn't like."

Rachel was recognized by her captains for "being in tune with nature  . . . ability to weave a splendid headband from nearby grass . . .  natural beauty . . . best hair on the team . . . " and given The Goddess Award.

Her coach gave her and another injured teammate trophies inscribed with "Fakin' It Award."  He said that these girls came to every practice and supported their teammates and cheered them at games - knowing they could not participate on the field.  He said that some people asked him if they were faking it.  "Well, they both had surgery last Wednesday," he said, "so I doubt it."  Some parents laughed at his story.  I just wanted to know who thought my daughter was faking an injury and punch them in the gut.

I'd probably get the Tanya Harding Award.

Taking Notes

During the sermon prayer this morning, Quinn leaned over to rest his head on the pew in front of us.  After the sermon prayer, his head remained in that position longer than necessary.  Long enough, in fact, for his father to grab a pew Bible and whack him on the side of the head.

The young expectant couple behind us was taking it all in.  But I'm not sure if the notes were a part of their Things Our Child Will NEVER do in Church or Great Parenting Tips:  The Art of Using Items from the Environment to Enhance Your Teen's Church Experience.

Genetic Counseling

Mr. Rellim gives advice to his customers regarding pigs, but Yoda has some advice for many others out there.

Unique Sofas

We're in the market for a new sofa.  Actually, we've been in the market for about 15 years.  We've been making do with the sofa that came with the house.  Really.  So, I've been online today looking for a unique sofa.  What do you think?

 This one sorta reminds me of an adult playpen.  Funny.

Shower Shuffle

It's not unusual to hear a bottle of shampoo hit the floor during a shower.  We don't have adequate shelf space for the 27 bottles of hair product, shaving cream, body wash and facial cleansers that Rachel likes to keep close to her, so many are precariously balanced around the sides of the tub and top of the shower-surround. 

But I wasn't prepared for the cacophony of shower bottle kersplats I heard last night.  I actually wondered if Mr. Rellim was having a seizure in the shower.  Thankfully, that was not the case.  What happened was one bottle fell on the temperature controller and turned the hot water to "full steam."  The subsequent falling bottles were the result of Mike's frantic attempts to avoid the hot water while fumbling to turn off the faucet.

I couldn't help but laugh.  And laugh and laugh and laugh.  Mostly because it didn't happen to me and nobody was permanently injured.