2:04 p.m.

At exactly 2:04 p.m. central standard time, this young lady became a teenager. Let the jello-nailing begin! Happy birthday, Rachel! We love you!

Be Safe

"The safest road to hell is the gradual one — the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts."

— C. S. Lewis, author

Speaking of unpleasantness, my son reported that he has been counting how many times he passes gas in a day. He heard that the average number is fifteen. WHERE did he hear that? Is there an average?

Checked

I'm not sure if Mr. Rellim is pulling my leg or not, but when he called from Indy this afternoon, he was proud of himself for having over two hours to spare before his flight departure and also seemed pleased to have no carry-on luggage. "What do you mean?" said the lonely wife, wondering how he was carrying his car keys, pain medicine, etc.

"Checked." said Mr. Rellim.

I guess he does not remember the tour of The Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro, Alabama in 2006. As much as I love to say it, I really, really hope I won't have to say "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Doritos

Doritos wins (so far) for my favorite super bowl commercial.

Throttle Position Sensor

I'm told this is what my van needs. I wonder how much labor is involved in replacing this $32 part?

Overheard

While waiting at the chiropractor's office this afternoon, I overheard a new patient loudly giving his health history to the receptionist. (I think he was hard-of-hearing.) His birth date was 1942 and when asked the last time he had seen his physician he answered,

"Well . . . 1969. That's when I had my appendix out."

May your health history be so uncomplicated.

I'm OK

But I wasn't faking. My wrist really did hurt. I really couldn't do the dishes or open stuck lids for the last few days. Even my handwriting has suffered, though admittedly it had not far to go to reach illegibility.

In summary: Sprain = Pain

Snow Plow

Last summer we received a letter from the company who regularly clears our driveway of snow, informing us that we were officially dropped from their list of customers because we do not contract lawn care with them.

The letter should have said, "We will no longer be clearing snow from your driveway UNLESS there has been no significant snowfall until mid-January, at which point we WILL LOUDLY plow the ONE INCH of snow from your driveway at exactly 4:38 am. However, this snow-plowing service will be revoked if our contractual lawn-care customers actually need their driveways cleared the next morning because of almost ten inches of snow. In that case, you will need to secure another service for snow removal. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Does anyone have some energetic youngsters on this beautiful snow day who would like to make a couple bucks?

We Started It

Has anyone found our twelve-inch Illinois car magnet? It was last seen on the back of our dear friends' Durango, who happen to be Ohio State fans. Interestingly, the magnet maintained its fix for approximately 3 and 1/2 days before disappearing.
Ha! Ha! Gotcha!

TMI (A PG-Rated Post)

True Story, but not my son! Hooray!

A young man told his teacher:
I have to go home early today. Wanna know why?
I don't have any underwear on.
Wanna know why?
I crapped my pants.
Well, really I just farted and some poop came out.

The student was gently informed that if it ever happened again he could just say that he had an accident in his pants.

It's Official

My roller skating days are over. Today the roller rink was blessed with my performance of a spectacular wipe out. I'm now anxiously awaiting the Monday morning opening of the chiropractor's office. And based on the increasing pain in my left wrist, with concomitant loss of digit function, it's looking like the radiology department may get a visit also.

FYI: When attempting speed demon moves on roller skates, never underestimate the unpredictable swerving abilities of small children. On the bright side, by taking the crash solo, I may have saved the lives of three innocents.

Ground Hog Day

Remember this movie starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell?

We watched it tonight and started a conversation about what each of us would do if faced with living a day over and over and over again, knowing there would be no consequences. Would we eat whatever? say whatever? steal? cheat? In the movie, Murray (finally) learns the best way to spend his time is to serve others, the "curse" ends and time moves forward.

Quinn told us that if he could live the same day over and over he would, "streak all over the world!" I'll give him some more time to think about that one. Stay tuned.

My Nephew

Owen was planning an afternoon with his daddy at the arcade. On the way out the door he said to his mother, "Hey mommy, why don't you do some stuff just for me today? You know . . . like . . . clean up around here, etcetera. OK, Mom?"

He's so sweet and silly.

Little Pharoah

I asked Quinn if he'd like cheese and crackers for an after-school snack. He said, "YES! So let it be written. So let it be done."

OK.

Peaceful Transfer of Power

Amazing. I might look for a hat just like Aretha's. But . . . what's up with Kanye West at the Youth Inaugural Ball? I guess I'm no longer a youth.

And on a pro-life note: Here is a great commercial aired today from http://www.catholicvote.com/.

Favorite Aunt?

My sister went shopping for a specific shirt from a specific mall store per Rachel's birthday request. Here is a partial quote:

Went into Hollister for the first and last time today. It was dark and so loud that I had to scream to Chris who was standing right next to me. Got out ASAP. Next tried Abercrombie and Fitch. It was stinky and still pretty loud. At least there were naked people all over the walls and several [strange people] to hold my attention as I waited in line to pay for my purchase for twenty minutes. YIKES!!! I hope the purchase is worth it. Not even going to wrap it, just going to hand your daughter the bag with the two half naked men on it as wrapping. Love you.

I told my sister therein lies the dilemma. How much torture can she endure for the coveted title of "favorite aunt?"

Religious Freedom Day

"Religious freedom is the foundation of a healthy and hopeful society.
On Religious Freedom Day, we ... celebrate the first liberties enshrined
in our Constitution's Bill of Rights, which guarantee the free exercise
of religion for all Americans and prohibit an establishment of religion."

— President George W. Bush, proclaiming January 16, 2009,
as Religious Freedom Day

Cold. So Cold.

Mr. Rellim started a big, roaring fire when he got home from work this evening. Unfortunately, he forgot to open the flue. Now our doors and windows are open to air out the joint. I wish I hadn't wasted all that time dusting last night.

Refinancing

I've been pestering the kids to help pick up the house. Quinn asked why. I told him because a man would be here at 7:00 am tomorrow to appraise our home. Quinn said, "But why tomorrow?! It's not even Sunday!"

I realized that he mistook "appraise" for "praise." I'm not sure if that is even a job - home praising. I suppose there are stranger religions.

New Day. New Shot.

Mr. Rellim received another translateralowhoopadigger epidural injection today. (I can't remember the exact term, but the needle was about twice as long because it was inserted laterally into the spine in order to get closer to the nerve root.) I didn't have to ask to be included in the procedure room this time. The doctor invited me in. Mike thinks it's because the doc was showing off for me. I think it's because I ask a lot of questions and it's just easier to show me.

Anyway, Rachel and Mike are at a basketball game tonight, so I think he's feeling better.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Rellim!

Here's to better birthday presents this year - although those trousers do look pretty snazzy!

Chemistry

In some college chemistry classes each student is asked to identify an unknown substance. There are many methods by which this can be ascertained; none though as quick as that demonstrated by my nearly 13-year-old daughter.

Just five minutes ago Rachel showed me a sandwich bag full of what looked to be pencil shavings and asked, "Mom, what is this?" Many questions raced through my mind including where in the heck she found it. Never did I think to tell her, "Whatever you do - DON'T stick your finger in the bag and taste it."

Well, I should have thought it because she did it. Tasting is definitely not my first choice when attempting to identify an unknown. You? Fortunately it was a bag full of bran from my mother who wants me to start cooking healthy.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Hahaha! I had forgotten about this picture. My sisters and I were attempting to NOT smile for a family photo so that we could print it in black and white. Let me provide captions for you from L to R starting in the back.
Marcie: I'm in a trance. Let me stay here.
Jodie: Ha! I put you in that trance.
Jamie: Bull! You are both in trances because I SAID SO.
Kelly: What?
Mom: Yup. Those are trances all right.
Dad: Four girls. What are the odds?

Six Minutes

That's how long Rachel hollered, "Mom! Dad! Mom! Dad! Someone turn off my light!" (repeat).

I was already in bed, so did my best to ignore her (Aren't I a good mom?). Mr. Rellim (sporting a softer heart than me) finally came to her aid, at which time she exclaimed, "You know I've been yelling for six minutes? Six minutes!! How hard is it to come turn off my light?!"

I thought to myself how easy it would have been for me to walk in and throw a pillow at her. I also thought how easy it would be for Rachel to sit up, take three steps and turn off the light herself. Mike must have decided it wasn't worth it to argue logic with her at 9:45 pm. He's such a good dad.

27 Degrees

It was only 27 degrees out today and my son insisted that he did not need his winter coat - only his ski mask. He did concede, however, to carrying his winter coat to school. I wonder if it's legal to profile grade-schoolers on the basis of winter wear?

In other winter news: Quinn lost another pair of gloves. Maybe we will find them in a glorious Florida home with the mismatched socks. Or maybe they are on the Island of Misfit Toys.

New Year's Resolutions?

Have you made any? I'm going to get back in shape and fuss at my family less. Here are some resolutions for every day that I lifted from an article by Max Lucado:

– Once a week, let a child take you on a walk.
– Make major decisions in a cemetery.
– Don’t spend tomorrow’s money today.
– Pray twice as much as you fret.
– Listen twice as much as you speak.
– Never outgrow your love of sunsets.
– God has forgiven you; you’d be wise to do the same.
– Toot your own horn and the notes will be flat.
– The book of life is lived in chapters, so know your page number.
– Never let the important be the victim of the trivial.
– Live your liturgy.

Debt Cures

I read a book this week by Kevin Trudeau titled "Debt Cures They Don't want you to Know about." I think it could be better titled, "If you have a lot of debt, here are many ways you can avoid paying it by tricking the collection agencies."

I think Saturday Night Live did a skit once about this very subject. Their book was titled "If You Don't Have the Cash, Don't Buy It." That was the title of the book, the subject of each chapter and the words on each page. Could you imagine such a world?!

Banditos Bonitos

It's kinda hard to tell here, but my mother thought it would be a good idea to buy her five grandsons ski masks for Christmas. Of course, the boys all thought Grandma had purchased bank robbing outfits for them. Hilarious!

Happy New Year!

What could be better than a day of leisure, minimal sibling rivalry, a batch of homemade caramel corn and a good movie? Top it off with a game of Scrabble in front of a roaring fire (where mom kicks butt!) and you've got a recipe for a happy family.

"The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose, new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. …
Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective."

— G.K. Chesterton

Curves

Curves. I visited the work-out center for the first time in five years. Rachel tagged along. We signed up for a 12-month contract. The owner took a quick health history, weighed and measured us, then asked if I had any goals in terms of health/fitness. I told her I'd like to weigh less than now since this is how much I weighed when I was six months pregnant! She thought that was a good choice. Oh, yeah! And I want to curtail the growth of "grandma" triceps as much as possible. I'll let you know how it goes.

Ahhh . . . Togetherness!

Rachel jumped out of the (slowly moving) van today to escape being with her mother. Quinn is in his room crying because he has the worst mother in the world. What have I done to deserve this?

I asked them to (1) put away their clothes and (2) pick up their bedrooms.

Now that Mr. Rellim is helping to direct this effort, I've heard screams of, "Nobody loves me! Now I know you BOTH hate me! If you loved me you wouldn't put me through this torture!"

Christmas Things

Christmas Follies

Flippin' Serious

There is a new rule at our house. Any use of the following words will bring a 24-hour time out period for the guilty party's favorite electronic device: frickin', freakin', frackin' flippin', fudgin'. Why? Ask my son, who hollered a sentence at the roller rink (during the 3 seconds of near-quiet) that very closely resembled the granddaddy of all "f" words.

Yes Ball

Santa brought gifts to our house yesterday. It's pretty typical for him to visit our house before the 25th because we are rarely home that morning. Anyway, I picked up a free "Magic 8" ball from a vendor at my national conference and thought it would be a great stocking stuffer for Quinn. It was. He opened it and screamed, "Awesome! I always wanted a YES BALL!"

The Office

I've spent ridiculous amounts of time watching DVD episodes of The Office. I had heard of the TV series, but had not ever actually caught an episode until last month. Very, very entertaining. Unfortunately, my children are hooked also. Quinn can't understand why a boss can be so stupid and why the employees don't just quit and find a new job. I explained satire and told him if everyone quit, the show wouldn't exist.

Same Size

Mother, daughter and son are now wearing the same size shoe. Yet, mother still has several inches in height over them - this year. It seems the kids are on a growth pattern similar to the German versus the Irish genetics. Must be all the wienerschnitzel. (Sixteen is my limit.)

Pound Cake on Ice

Well, in the bushes, actually. That's where two of them landed after I slipped on ice on the front doorstep of my neighbor's home (No, not that neighbor.). Having spent over two hours making them, I couldn't just let them lie there. Misshapen, yet still safely wrapped, I managed to fish them out of the bushes and present them to our closest neighbors. They would understand.

By the way, all our neighbors were given this small token of Christmas cheer. Don't you wish you were my neighbor?

We Got 'em

"We got 'em up here on the roof!" Remember that line spoken by a Chicago police officer in the movie The Fugitive with Harrison Ford? If not, it doesn't really matter anyway. What I'm talking about is the menagerie of items on our roof.

Sunday after church, Rachel complained of her shoes smelling badly. Sunday afternoon, she threw them on the roof. Snowday Tuesday, Rachel threw a neighborhood friend's hat on the roof. "He was asking for it, " she stated simply. Iceday Wednesday I noticed a scarf on the roof and two wiener roasters. I wonder when this is going to end.

Please, please let there be school tomorrow.

Decorating Done

Modesty is His Middle Name

Mr. Rellim had an MRI on his lower back today. He told me that it was a tight squeeze to get his shoulders in the tube. I tried not to think about it. Instead, I kept remembering when we first entered the waiting room. The MRI technician handed him hospital pants to change into and my husband dropped his trousers right then to "suit up." Fortunately, no one else walked in.

Endurance

"I would rather lose in a cause that will some day win,
than win in a cause that will some day lose."

— President Woodrow Wilson

Not with a 39 1/2 foot pole.

Recently, my husband pointed out their similarities. I thought you might like to see them side-by-side.

But however much one tries to steal or distort, no one can keep Christmas from coming.

Best Driver Award

I noticed a black smudge on the bumper of my white van. Then I noticed a broken tail light. Knowing that I did not hit anything and also knowing that I am the primary driver, I assumed it must have been a parking lot mishap. I thought I'd begin my investigation by noting which cars at my place of employment were black, then follow up with a polite email asking if perhaps they had inadvertently bumped my van. It was a risky thing to do, so I asked Mr. Rellim for his opinion.

That's when he chuckled and told me about how he backed the van into the basketball hoop about three weeks ago! He'd been wondering how long it would take me to notice.

Quinnisms

Maybe he'll be President some day! Today he begged to play his Nintendo DS. I told him not until December 19th. He begged again, then added, "PLEEEEAAASE? With supervisation?"

A few days ago he talked about how much he liked the confession stand at the basketball game. I'm pretty sure that might be illegal at the public school they attend.

So Far, So Good

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. (Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius AD 161-180) And a big thank you to D.S. for the best quote of the day!

Not My Station

I listen to a radio station that plays Christmas music 24/7 until 12/25. Today, I jumped in the van and a new song was playing. The lyrics were something like, "Baby, I will take you there. I will cover you. I will take care of you. I will lead you to heaven." I thought it was an interesting Christmas song. It wasn't until the next song started playing that I realized this was NOT my radio station. The lyrics began like this, "Ya know the pimp's in the crib and the - " WHAT?! I don't even know what that means.

Adjective

Tangy.
That's not an adjective I like to hear in the same phrase as, "Mom the milk tastes . . . ."

New Vocabulary

"Dad! You're really starting to adjectate me!"

Battle Positions

A sweatshirt worn for one minute, then tossed into a heap of three other sweatshirts worn for one minute does not constitute a load of dirty laundry. Rachel has chosen to stay in her room (without tidying up the place) instead of going to a basketball game with a friend. I imagine it's because she believes this will be more annoying to her mother.

She's right.

I Like Tweenagers

Rachel: "Like, get up! Like why didn't anyone get me up? It's like 6:45!"
Quinn: "Like, don't you have like two alarm clocks in your room?"

Sit v. Set

We live a bit further south than one might imagine, therefore, some of us do not differentiate between the two words. Guess which one?

Mike: (in response to some annoyance supplied by his son) "Quinn! Go set at the table!"
Quinn: (Runs for his life due to said annoyance, then begins placing napkins, forks, plates and glasses on the kitchen table.)
Marcie: "Quinn, what are you doing?!"
Quinn: "I'm just doing what Dad told me!"

Ah . . . a good test of new-found auditory discrimination skills.

Historical Fiction

President George Washington once advised, "Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience." I would give that advice to the persons who created the new Capital Visitor Center. Apparently, they had to be reminded that the country's motto is "In God we trust." They also initially forgot to include the Pledge of Allegiance in the display. Why the omission of religion from our nation's history?

Sciatica

Day five. On the coach. But today he has steroids, muscle relaxants and Tylenol with codeine. Mr. Rellim may yet recover.

I've apologized for not immediately feeling empathy, but he shouldn't have returned from the first chiropractor visit with these instructions: "Doc told me I should not put up any Christmas lights or do any Christmas shopping. I'm supposed to just lay on the couch and watch football."

Got 'Em!

After taking approximately 65 photos this afternoon, I have a little more respect for photographers. I just didn't have the patience to continue with kind encouragement after about picture 26. I found myself shouting things like, "Smile with your teeth! Not that many teeth! Keep your eyes open! Act like you love each other! Stop poking your brother!"

I'm sorta surprised the neighbors didn't come out to watch.

Almost

We almost got a picture good enough for Christmas cards. Too much squinting in this one. Plus, my Dad hitched a ride in the back with his birthday card on display! We'll keep trying.

Good Advice

I stepped out of the shower this morning, wrapped myself in a towel and noticed my son jumping on my bed. I said, "Get off my bed!" Quinn immediately got down. Mr. Rellim asked, "Son, I've asked you to stop jumping at least three times. Why did you listen to your mom so fast?"

Quinn's answer: "I always listen to n a k e d women."

Thanksgiving

We all named at least one thing for which we were thankful. Mr. Rellim buttered up the mother-in-law by praising her culinary skills. Five-year-old Owen (wearing the Indian headband) gave thanks for "land."

Truth or Dare

The boys are playing truth or dare. I had to create a new rule that "dares" were not to include a non-participating family member (me).

Been in Chicago Lately?

I have. People are crazy drivers. Mrs. Bickerson found this Youtube video highlighting the driving skills of one of the best. My chauffeur, however, was one of the more highly skilled. Here is a picture of four great friends sharing a good meal and lots of laughs.

Prank Call

I got a message today from "Kelsey at Starbucks." She told me that they don't deliver - I'd have to pick up my coffee at the shop. While listening to the message, my daughter started laughing. Rachel admitted that it was her "signature prank call" and "Don't you think it's original and hilarious?"

Thank You

A new song written by Steven Curtis Chapman honoring all service men and women, inspired by a man he had met earlier that day, Thomas McBride. Beautiful.

Frugality

I learned that my son has been trying to save the family money by NOT using soap or shampoo when showering. I would prefer that he shut the refrigerator door or turn off lights. But, what do I know? Maybe he's on to something. Could save me gas money driving him to play dates.

Quinn's Funniest

I usually ask the kids to tell me the funniest part of their school day. Today, Quinn said the funniest thing was when he wrote "kick me" on a sticky note and stuck it to his forehead.

I guess it was sort of a slow day.

Good News

Eight leading retailers have committed to recognizing Christmas.
Best Buy (612) 291-1000
Cabela’s (800) 243-6626
Kohl’s (262) 703-7000
Lowe's (704) 758-2304
Nordstrom (206) 303-6000
Pier 1 Imports (817) 252-8000
Toys "R" Us (973) 617-4040
Wal-Mart (479) 273-4000
Call to let them know how you feel about it.

Neat Idea

I sound like talk radio, don't I? Anyway, Rachel made this fancy "Skiving" snack box for a Harry Potter fan today. If you didn't read the Potter series, you probably don't know about the Fainting Fancies or Nosebleed Nougats. Ours taste pretty good because we used homemade chocolate truffles instead.

Do Not Despair

That's what I heard today from my favorite national talk show host, Dr. James Dobson. Throughout time, God has used even the most unlikely persons for His good.

In a Funk

Why do people talk about the "decisive" election when referring to the Presidential selection, but sue over the outcome of the Prop 8 amendment to the California state constitution? They were both decided with a 52% majority.

Quinn and Friends

Quinn was selected as a vocalist for an Illinois State Choir event. One hundred forty students from the state combined talents under one guest director to hold a full day of rehearsals before a 6:30 pm performance. The fifth grade students sounded spectacular! Here are the boys from Quinn's school before eating pizza in the University Union. I had the privilege of chaperoning the five pictured rowdies and seven lovely ladies.

PREPOSTEROUS!

That's what Quinn screamed this morning when he read the headlines. A friend of ours has his flag on display upside down as a sign of distress. I tried to coach Quinn and Rachel on how to respond in respectful tones should the subject of the election arise today.

Anyway, congrats to Obama and his magic team.

On a related note, Mr. Rellim is extremely concerned about a ballot initiative in California that passed, mandating "free-range" animal production. Get ready for some expensive bacon and eggs, people!

On another related note, Californians also passed a ballot initiative that will provide millions of dollars in funding to create a supersonic train between SF and LA. Hmmm . . . I suppose there could be some excellent road kill possibilities if any free-range pork producers live near the tracks - or not. I once witnessed a rabbit run across a NASCAR speedway during a race. There wasn't much left for the clean-up crew to clean up.

Just a Thought

"The average man votes below himself; he votes with half a mind or a hundredth part of one.
A man ought to vote with the whole of himself, as he worships or gets married.
A man ought to vote with his head and heart, his soul and stomach, his eye for faces and his ear for music; also (when sufficiently provoked) with his hands and feet.
If he has ever seen a fine sunset, the crimson color of it should creep into his vote. …
The question is not so much whether only a minority of the electorate votes.
The point is that only a minority of the voter votes."

— G.K. Chesterton

Mother, may I?

Me: May you what?

Quinn: Go up on the roof to get the marshmallow roaster thingy!

Me: Who threw it up there?

Quinn: Look, Mom, I can't answer every single question in the entire universe.

Me: I can - NO!

Best Buy

New sofa "patio furniture" for five bucks. Who doesn't need one of these?

A Farmer, et al.

This is me as Sarah Palin alongside a friendly Red Power Ranger, whose mother graciously loaned him to us for the evening whilst trick or treating. My kids are getting big and we thought a smaller child would help complete our ensemble. Not every home owner agreed to vote for me on Tuesday, but most got a chuckle out of the costume.

I Did Not Provoke This Discussion

A group of fifth graders were in my room yesterday when one of them explained socialism like this: "Listen - If I get an A+ on my social studies test and you get an F, then Barack Obama will swoop in and give us both Cs." The listener replied, "AWESOME! And guess what? Obama already won! I saw it on www.nick.com. Because 99% of the world voted for Obama and only 66% of the world voted for McCain, so . . . Obama won!"

I thought perhaps the statistics conversation could get no worse, when another fifth grader asked, "But how many people voted for Pollen?"

I think she meant "Palin," which caused me to wonder (and I know this sounds awful), "When she's 18, will her vote count the same as yours and mine?"

Vote Your Values

Take a minute to think about the issues. Take a minute to think about your values. Take a minute to watch this video. Who's your guy?

Alligator Costume

I haven't decided what I'm going to wear for Halloween. Quinn is a cowboy. Maybe I'll dress up as Sarah Palin. Hopefully, no one will hoist me up as a part of their home deco.

I Like This Guy

Lincoln's Ten Guidelines . . .

• You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift
• You cannot help small men by tearing down big men
• You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong
• You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer
• You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich
• You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income
• You cannot further brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred
• You cannot establish security on borrowed money
• You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence
• You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do themselves

8 More Days

"While a single issue can’t qualify a candidate, it can disqualify him" -Randy Alcorn on the importance of protecting human life.

FYI

In case you didn't know, when you play with a Nintendo DS, there is an instant chatting capability that will allow the user to "chat" with any DS in close vicinity. So, say you are playing with your DS in a fifth grade classroom with six other DS users and you type a bad word on the screen then press, "send." Everyone using a DS will get your message and chances are, one of them will tell the teacher.

Of course the likelihood of that student ever getting to take his DS to school again this year is slim to none. Mr. Rellim votes, "slim." I vote, "none."

Spared

Quinn's Nintendo DS was spared a nine-week sentence in detention by one measly percentage point. He is certain to practice his spelling words this quarter. Rachel, on the other hand, is sailing through seventh grade with straight A's (no spelling class in Middle School).

Spelling is not Mike's strong suit, so I tend to blame him for our kids' struggles in that area. I asked him what bad stuff they inherited from me, but Rachel answered instead, "Mom, you know what I can't stand about Science class? All the partner work! Why can't I just do it myself? It's such a pain in the rear to have to convince everyone that my idea is the best and it wastes so much time!"

Oh. That.

I'm Trying to be Kind

BUT . . . SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Taylor Mason

Our church hosted this comedian/ventriloquist/musician for a performance and he was hilarious. He is pictured here with his candidate dolls, but they were only a small portion of the show. If you get the chance to enjoy Taylor Mason, do it!

Secret Admirer

My friend answered her phone at work and the caller said, "Hi! This is your secret admirer!" Knowing it wasn't her husband, she took a guess that it must be a practical joker friend from high school.

So, my friend said, "Oh! Hi, Steve!"

Her minister replied, "Uh, no. Who's Steve?"

New Car Christening

The last time we bought a new car was in 1992. Within a few months, Mr. Rellim and his dad took it for a road trip and "broke in" the backseat by tossing Kentucky Fried Chicken bones back there. I thought nothing could top that. Then we had kids. After twelve years of kids, I figured I'd seen it all.

Not so.

When Mr. Rellim pulled into the driveway today with his two-payment-old 2009 Ford Fusion, he scrambled to empty the trunk. Usually he doesn't do that, so I stood there to observe the cleaning frenzy. Eventually he admitted to having transported THREE baby pigs to the veterinary clinic in his trunk. I may have to go medicate myself.

Bright Eyed

I drove Quinn to school at 7:15 this morning for an early chorus practice. On the way there he asked, "Mom, shouldn't we tell Rachel?"

"Tell her what?" I said.

"Tell her we are leaving."

"Well, no. She left at 6:20 already with your father for basketball practice."

(And he and Mike are the "morning people" in this family.)

Think this Little Thought

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end;
if you look for comfort you will not get either."

— C.S. Lewis

Nasty Tooth

The dentist told us Quinn had a cavity.

Syrup!

I stepped on syrup while vacuuming this morning, so I moved the computer chair in order to do some scrubbing on the carpet below it. Then I stood up and backed into some more syrup. Shocked, I sat down on the chair to survey the entire floor and - SQUISH - I sat in the mother of all syrup drips. The pool of syrup on the chair had been dripping everywhere while I vacuumed.

Does a family really need a rule about syrup and the computer?!

Quinn's 5th Grade Picture

Starlight, starbright, we forgot about picture day and wore a camp shirt.
"Plus, how can you really smile when the camera dude is asking you to put your feet in one spot, your hips in another spot, your shoulders in another spot, your chin in another spot?
I could barely concentrate!"

Rachel's 7th Grade Picture

Starlight, star bright, your shirt is sparkly and so bright!
Teeth are white and hair brushed gold
why do you have to look so old?

Do You Know Who You Are?

Come on, people!! Can't we all play fair?

Kids' Votes Don't Count

Quinn and his friend Megan were talking on the school bus about the Presidential election. Megan said that she would vote for Obama because she wants a girl to win. I told Quinn that Obama is a man and Quinn said, "Whoever heard of a man named Obama?! I think she is a girl, too!"

Bad Mom

Quinn's Nintendo DS is being involuntarily held in an undisclosed location until such time that his effort increases in Spelling class. Quinn's defense is this, "You see, I just have Dad's Spelling DNA! How can you punish me for my DNA! And anyway, Spelling doesn't affect my life at all!" (Tell that to Dan Quayle.)

Quinn told us that he sat under his desk and cried today during indoor recess because he didn't have his DS, so there was nothing else to do. Oh, yeah! I work in a school. I had forgotten that indoor recess rule. I reminded him that he could study his spelling!

Mike told me he is ready to cave in to the boy's demand after only 48 hours. Not me. I may have to find a new location for the DS.

Failed Slogan

Shopping Trip

I asked the boys to pick up a few things at the grocery store for me, but I guess Quinn got tired of waiting for his Dad to finish watching the game. So, he wrote a note that stated: "I'm going to the stor because Dad loves football more then me." Then he escaped through his bedroom window and rode his bicycle to County Market. I later found the note. Mike eventually found Quinn in the baking aisle, wearing his bicycle helmet, and following a pretty young woman to find corn starch.

Quinn argued that he should not be punished because "(1) Mom told me to go to the store (2) I found the canning lids all by myself and (3) Dad doesn't love me anyway."

How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket

First, ask your son to drink three red slushies at the showing of Beverly Hills Chihuahuas. Next, when the police officer pulls you over for driving quickly (in order to get your son home to the bathroom), ask your son to open the van door, lean his head out and start spitting bright red slushie spit. You may get away with a warning - and a compliment on your McCain bumper sticker. Works like a charm.

Just Makin' Stuff Up

I was going to leave this one alone, but couldn't help posting this video because I actually heard an Obama staffer use this line in an interview after the VP debate on Hannity & Colmes.

Marathon

My friend from the great state of Minnesota is flying to California tomorrow to run in a marathon! I wished her well and asked for an appropriate "go get 'em" phrase. She suggested this one:

Don't poop your pants.

The Last Lecture

An easy, worthwhile read. Randy Pausch knows he has only a few months to live due to pancreatic cancer. This book is for his students, for his wife, and for his three young children whom he knows doesn't comprehend any of this yet. A good companion book to "One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No-regrets Life." I wonder what I would write in a "last lecture?"