Vocabulary Lesson

Quinn asked me if I knew where his Nerf Gun ammo could be. I told him, "You'll probably find it in that abyss called your bedroom."

He quickly ran to his father to tell him, "Mom just cussed at me!"

Class Reunion

What's twenty years among friends? At the formal banquet, there were three women attending from the class of 1933. Amazing. The speaker from the class of 1938 told a story about his dog named "sex." I guess when you are 87 years old (and have just contributed 100 grand to the school district), you can talk about whatever you want . . .

Grandma Phoebe

This picture shows that one is never too old to learn new tricks. It was sweet to see what a patient teacher Quinn could be. Who doesn't want to play Nintendo DS?

March 1st Wedding

1st: Rellim Family

2nd: Mr. Rellim with his two brothers, two nephews and Quinn, on the occasion of a beautiful wedding.

Pretty

The cheddar pinks are blooming. Come see my garden! Sorry, couldn't smile. Sun was in my eyes.

Prince Caspian

Douglas Gresham, C.S. Lewis' stepson, is co-director on this film that is absolutely amazing. The battle scenes are somewhat intense, but the themes of honor, integrity, loyalty and love abound. The directors even added a bit of flirting to their version. The scene where Lucy stands with Aslan alone at one end of the bridge over the Fords of Beruna , holding only a small dagger, against the entire army of Miraz reminded me of David and Goliath. This is a must-see!

Can You Drive 55?

I tried it today. Weird. I think I could run that fast. I felt that I should run behind the van and push it to help us go faster. I can see how someone could have a false sense of security that applying make-up, texting, calling, eating or shaving does not interfere with driving skills.

Oligarchy!

"The California Supreme Court clearly decided "what ought to be" rather than "what is." But the function of "what ought to be" belongs to the people and their elected legislators, not a handful of crusading escapees from law school who find the actual practice of judging d eadly boring when compared to the temptation of creating social policy. . . .

A proposed constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman awaits the voters of California in November, having received more than 1.1 million signatures during the petition process. If that amendment passes, perhaps the justices on the California Supreme Court will be forced to dust off their unused copies of the state constitution and discover that it is the citizens, not the courts, who decide how they should be governed."

by Bruce Hausknecht, judicial analyst

Household Chores

Ever feel like it could be one of your children winning this award some day? I've actually been waiting three days for Rachel to clear her school papers off the kitchen table. I keep setting the table on top of her papers. It doesn't seem to bother her at all.

Endoscopy

Rachel asked me why a tube with a light on it would have to go inside her friend's dad's butt. I briefly described colonoscopy and age-related preventative medicine. I told her this procedure for the colon is analogous to the annual pap smear for women. I knew I shouldn't have started this conversation over breakfast, but it had to happen sometime. It ended with her loudly proclaiming, "THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME!"

Bedtime

Quinn has requested that his new bedtime be "permanently" changed to 8:30. Planning ahead, he has also DEMANDED that his bedtime be 9:00 when he turns 16.

I made the deal. Now I'd like to get that in writing.

Sixth Grade Chorus Concert

The first song on the program was "Gloria." Mr. Rellim started humming, "G-L-O-R-I-A -- Gloooooooria!" He was extremely disappointed when the chorus sang, "Gloria in excelsis deo." Rachel also sang in the show choir that performed Greased Lightning. Mike told her that she was the best dancer and that he could hear her singing above all the others. I tried to tell him that was not complimentary and he said, "Your mom doesn't know what she's talking about. My ears are more 'atute' than hers."

I think he combined "astute" and "in tune." Mr. Rellim, you're a hoot!

One Month to Live: 30 Days to a No-Regrets Life

This book by Kerry and Chris Shook was . . . eh . . . OK. If you've read Rick Warren's Purpose-Driven Life, then you might consider it repetitious. There were some interesting analogies and practical applications suggested, but overall nothing particularly inspiring.

Next Up

The Complete C.S. Lewis Signature Classics

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
— C. S. Lewis

True Life

So far, I've spent this Mother's Day afternoon spending time with my children, sitting in front of a roaring fireplace, eating M & Ms and reading to them The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. I find this preferable to waiting to be served mediocre food at an over-crowded restaurant.

Now, I will not refuse to be served mediocre food by my loving family in my tiny kitchen this evening. I'm thinking that homemade barbeque chicken pizza sounds good.

Mother's Day

I would like my house to be clean and my daughter's room to be picked up, vacuumed and dusted. She told me I should ask for something more realistic.

Flying

In case you didn't know, I do NOT enjoying flying. Tomorrow my sister is taking her first flight (from Chicago to Texas) and called to ask me if I want any of her stuff in case she crashes and burns. I know she was kidding, but I called to tell her to put my name on her new couch and loveseat anyway.

Spicy Sweet Doritos

Quinn tried one then said, "Well, I like them OK, but I wouldn't want to make a living eating them."

Surprise

I got home early today and walked to the bus stop to surprise the kids. I waited and waited and waved to passing cars and chatted with my neighbor. After about 15 minutes I decided that I should just wait for them in our driveway. As I walked up the driveway I noticed our front door was open.

Surprise! My kids were ALREADY home and psyched that I was not around to monitor their after-school snacking. I guess I should read the school calendar more closely for those early dismissals.

I have a suspicion that my neighbor knew my kids were already home too. She was probably enjoying watching me wait in the sun and wind.

Decisions

“Wisdom and money can get you almost anything, but only wisdom can save your life.” Ecclesiastes 7:12 (NLT)

Use wisdom (or basic math) in discerning whether or not clearing $118/week can cover over $200/week in child care expenses. Contributor of this story shall remain anonymous.

ABCs

My nephew, Austin can sing the alphabet backward. I found that amazing. His little brother, Carson has a different skill. When I asked him to say his ABCs in order to get a chocolate chip cookie, he said, "B . . .C." When I prodded him for more, he added, "6 . . . 7!" then grabbed the cookie from my hand and ran away.

Ah! Surprise and diversion. Excellent skills for a three year old.

"If you ever have any questions . . . "

That's how I ended the most recent installment of "THE talk" series. To which Rachel replied, "What do you mean? Haven't you told me everything already? There's MORE to know? How am I supposed to ask questions about anything if you haven't told me everything?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT I DON'T KNOW?! WHAT AREN'T YOU TELLING ME???!!!!"

Ahhh . . . hormones. That's it. I haven't told her about how hormones affect mood, appetite, decisions, anger management, how one speaks to her loved ones, etc.

10,000 Words

To Rachel's delight (pause) - NOT - Quinn took a moment to bust a move to the High School Musical soundtrack. His shirt is on inside-out during this, his second song. For the first, he appeared topless.

Rachel's expression is priceless! All she wanted to do was eat her parmesan cheese with the slice of pizza on the bottom to hold it together.

Fire - Again

We have cleaned up the fireplace twice already this spring, thinking that we have lit our last fire for the season. Well, not so. It's less than 40 degrees outside, my poor bell pepper plants are limp and we have a fire blazing in the hearth. I'm glad we bought the extra load of firewood last fall!

I Felt the Earth Move Again Today

There was another tremor at lunch time today. It wasn't because of my bean burrito.

Buggin' Out!

I think I saw a cockroach in my van. It was dark and I was driving and it's raining out. But I think I saw one. Quinn saw something. Rachel felt something fly by her face. I left the doors open in the rain hoping it would go away. How would a cockroach get in there?! Now I think I'll have to get a new van. And I can't quit scratching my head! AAAHHHHHGGGGG!

New Shades

Daffodils are Up!

Smooth Talker

Quinn missed his class trip to the zoo Friday because of his recent illness. A thoughtful friend approached him today with the good news that she brought something back from the zoo for him. With her hands held behind her back, she asked him to guess what it was.

Quinn queried, "True love's first kiss?"

I wish I could have seen the look on her father's face! But alas, it was a small stuffed tiger from the zoo gift shop instead. The tigress is now named Roara.

Bill Murray-esque

Today was turning out to be a little boring. There was drizzle outside, antibiotic consumption indoors, and then . . . Mr. Rellim decided to hang a bird feeder on a young oak tree near the picture window. Unfortunately for the birds, it was a large brown squirrell who benefited most from the feed.

Fortunately for our entertainment relief, Mr. Rellim decided to make it his mission to rid the earth of that squirrell. He moved the feeder to several different branches, baited a small aminal trap with peanut butter and even chased Mr. Squirrell around the yard with a forked hoe. He has not used live explosives, yet I was quickly reminded of the movie Caddyshack. Poor little gopher.

4:36 am

While visions of sugar plums danced in my head, I was rudely awakened at 4:36 am by my son running down the hallway shouting, "Something strange is happening!!" I was alert enough to notice that he was not running from his room, but from the living room, and that the TV was on. I was also aware of the house shaking.

It was then that Rachel started shouting, "Earthquake! Earthquake! We are having an earthquake! What time is it?! Everybody take cover!" How amazing that she can wake from a sound sleep and begin shouting orders. Mr. Rellim says she gets that skill from me.

Not sure why Quinn was awake, but I'm considering telling him that God made the house shake in order to let me know that he was up watching TV instead of sleeping. I don't know. "Watch out for the big fish!" isn't working for me anymore.

The morning news just confirmed this earthquake was a 5.4 and lasted for 20 seconds. Yup. The last time we had an earthquake (several years ago), I yelled at Quinn to stop jumping, "You're making the whole house shake!"

Memory Palace

My friend's husband refers to his amazing memory as his "memory palace." Here is a tidbit from the famous Sherlock Holmes as written in his first mystery A Study in Scarlet:

I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.

I think this is why I tend to read nonfiction. Fluffy novels take up too much attic space.

This Morning

This morning at 7:45 I noticed Quinn walking slowly to the bus stop (too slowly). I decided to meet him at school at 8:00, where he admitted he had "a light head." He had a positive strep test (and bilateral ear infection) at the pediatrician's office at 10:30.

How can I be so super-sensitive to his cues and so off-the-mark with Rachel's?

Maybe it has to do with the fact that my brain has been shrinking since age 35. It must be true. I read it last night in a new book "Where Did I Leave My Glasses? The What, When and Why of Normal Memory Loss" by Martha Weinman Lear. Mrs. Bickerson, you'd better get yourself a copy!

Sorry

I took Quinn to the doctor a few weeks ago simply because I observed him stick his finger in his ear one morning during breakfast. The nurses love to hear that! (He did have an ear infection, by the way.)

I delayed taking Rachel to the doctor for a couple days even though she has been complaining of a sore throat, ear ache, headache and stuffy nose. (She is prone to over-dramatization.) Today I grudgingly took Rachel to the doctor and found out she has strep. Oh . . . sorry.

Noah

Quinn portrayed Noah today to help me with the preschool lesson about obedience. When it was time for him to explain how he sent a dove after the rains to find dry land, Quinn couldn't find a dove. So, instead, he threw a stuffed chicken out the window. The kids didn't really notice. Personally, I was thankful that he hadn't grabbed the elephant first.

Unicorn

Rachel bet me that "unicorn" is a word in the Bible. I lost. "Unicorn" appears in the King James Version six times. However, I am still uncertain whether the animal is a mystical or historical creature.

Unicorns are real in Harry Potter and the b l o o d of them will give eternal life - though it is a cursed thing to kill one.

That's all I know. And some people spend a lot of money buying unicorn music boxes.

Boys!

If you have a boy, this book is worth a read - or at least a perusal. He mentions that boys sometimes don't pay attention to what someone is saying (Really?!) and recommends trying this:

Up mix your words when you're to him talking - just to get attention his.

Hmmm . . . sounds like a Yoda trick.

Brownies

What's better than 76 trombones?
Seventy-two brownies!!!
We prepared them in muffin tins to make it easier to stuff into plastic bags for the 4H pork BBQ meal. Unfortunately, this particular boxed mix smells like fried chicken when baking. Next time, I'll be going back to the good ol' Baker's Chocolate Squares recipe. No school like the old school.

Three Trees

Quinn sang and acted in the church musical Sunday titled "Three Trees." He even nailed a solo! He was the tree who wanted to be made into a mighty ship. Here he is sitting on the captain's chair of a small fishing boat (he WAS the boat) talking about how he was chosen to carry the mightiest man of all - Jesus - whom even the wind and waves obeyed.

We all have dreams. God dreams bigger.

In Remembrance

Martin Luther King Jr. (January 15, 1929 - April 4, 1968)
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

From a Middle School Youth?!

My daughter created a petition regarding how funds should be spent at church and convinced four other kids to sign it. Basically, it said that their parents contribute financially to the church in order to help others in need, not to purchase game systems for the youth area. Specifically, she advised the youth minister to spend less time playing games and more time studying about Jesus.

He was stunned to hear a youth request less fun, more work. Me too.

What Should He Call It?

"Mom, the rabbit scratched my tit and now it hurts."

"That's not a nice word. You may call it your 'nipple.'"

"Dad says pigs have lots of tits."

"TEATS!! AHH! Just tell me that you have a scratch on your chest, OK?"

Lost Key

Quinn had been looking for his house key for a day or so. Rachel found it this afternoon. It was in the keyhole in the front door. Oh. Now if we can only find that library book . . .

April Fools!

My teacher friends did not think it was funny when I told them the storage facility for the completed ISAT tests burned last night and that every Illinois school would have to re-administer them to their students.

Instead, I was told April Fools day should be called, "LIARS DAY!"

I guess I touched on a sensitive area.

Success!

Choices, choices . . .

Oops!

I did it again. I saw a mom walk into the gym during my son's basketball game and noticed she was carrying a baby. I had seen her a couple times this fall and noticed she had put on some weight. Putting 2 and 2 together, I assumed the weight gain was due to pregnancy and that the baby was hers.

That's when I said it. "Hi! Look at him! I was wondering when your baby was due."

I was informed that the baby was her nephew and she is not pregnant.

Why do I keep doing this?

Glenn Beck

Never heard of him. But his book was funny. It also made me a bit paranoid. That's not funny. Maybe I can't recommend this book.

Transmission

How many times can one person read the Harry Potter series? I don't know. I'll have to ask Rachel. BTW, the black glasses are painted on her face!

Her new book love is The Series of Unfortunate Events. Dark humor for grade schoolers. I think she's on her sixth book.

Speaking of unfortunate events, the body shop can't get the van in until Monday and while driving it around town, I think I hear the gears shifting funny and there's an occasional vibrating sound around 30 mph. Is this a result of the dear deer impact or an unfortunate coincidence? I'll keep you posted.

Over the River

. . . through the woods, two barren fields, and across the ditch and into oncoming traffic. Poor Bambi.

"Not Bambi," said Mr. Rellim, "Bambi's mother."

"Not Bambi," said the police officer, "Bambi's pregnant mother."

The police officer asked that I sit in his vehicle while he wrote up the incident report using a computer with many drop-down lists for filling in the blanks. Among many other things, he asked, "How would you describe yourself? Normal?"

"What are the choices?" I asked.

He didn't laugh.

I tried not to laugh as he struggled to transform his arm rest into a printer. It was my first ride in a police cruiser. I wanted to remain in the front.

Oh, Happy Day!

Happy Easter!

We celebrated the resurrection a bit early at a worship service this evening. The next few weeks we will be studying fear and how with Jesus they can be conquered. We were invited to write our biggest fear on a card. My son wrote about his fear of an animated Disney character and "girls (not my mom) sometimes."

Double Digits

Quinn is proud to be ten years old. He missed St. Patrick's Day as a birthday by a few hours. Here he is ready to eat homemade chocolate molten lava cake. He says that when they studied volcanoes in school that no one told them how much lava tastes like chocolate.

You'll get those information gaps in some classrooms.

Eggstravaganza

Our church hosted an Easter party this afternoon. The grand prize for each grade level was a new bicycle. Mr. I-never-win-anything hauled in a brand new Roadmaster bicycle. On the way home, he said, "Mom, what do you think of my new Roadmasher?"

Basketball

Quinn's third and fourth grade team made almost three baskets tonight. WOO HOO! At one point, Quinn dove for a missed pass and fell hard to the floor. The ball bounced out of bounds and the referee asked him if he was OK. Quinn yelled with annoyance, "NOOOO!!!" and then his face said (but thankfully his mouth did not) - Didn't you just watch me fall flat on my shoulder and get my face smashed with the ball??!!

He was fine.

On a lighter note, Saturday at practice the boys were encouraged to get each other's attention with a sound or short word instead of a longer phrase. One boy chose to clap, another to say, "right here!" Quinn decided to make a loud cat-hiss noise. Nice.

When Mama's Away . . .

. . . Daddy puts them to work cleaning the gutters on the house. As I was driving closer to our home, I had one of those "Sound of Music" moments. You know, when the Captain was bringing the Baronness home to meet his children, and he saw them all climbing in the trees lining the road? Well, I saw my two kids marching around all over the roof wielding brooms as weapons. I don't know how much glutter-cleaning was really happening and I think Mr. Rellim was trying to control them by spraying them with the hose.

And still, our neighbors remain.

EWWW!!

Can you see it? There is a short, black hair sealed INSIDE my container of mandarin oranges! I realize this isn't as sensational as the lady who found a finger in her chili, but my story is REAL!

Crying Wolf

I might have believed that she hurt herself when falling off the bed this evening if she hadn't used a red sharpie to create fake bloo d on her toe earlier today, feigning a toe injury. I might have even felt sorry for her if she hadn't been hiding out in her brother's room to avoid doing supper dishes. Quinn said, "Well, Rachel, stupid is as stupid does!"

Ah, thank you, Forrest Gump!

Cabin Fever

Not sure which was more entertaining today - (1)watching my children painstakingly fill out savings deposit slips at the bank, while complaining that the money should be theirs to spend NOW or (2) listening to them test drive each and every whoopie cushion at the new Walgreens store.

Yes, that was me hiding in the other aisle, waiting for it to end.

OK, I decided. The whoopie cushion thing was the funniest.

Witlag

The delay between reception and comprehension of a joke.

This same source notes that gross ignorance is, like, 144 times worse than normal ignorance and that karaoke is a Japanese word for "tone deaf."

Also, in case you haven't heard, gravity is not just a good idea, it's the law!

Forgery

-A new word Quinn learned today when he signed my name to a permission slip because I forgot. Ironically, it was permission to join a special committee that will be teaching others about integrity and tolerance. Quinn just asked if he could get a list of all the laws because, "How was I supposed to know what forgery is?"

UPDATE: His teacher just emailed me about this and told me that if he hadn't spelled my name wrong, she might have missed it. I don't think I'll let him in on that little tidbit.

ISATS

How difficult it is to administer standardized tests to kids with emotional, behavioral and/or learning disabilities. I'd like to see the sample from which the national normative data was taken. Did anyone sit in a room with a third grader, who insisted he was Charmander from Pokemon and could not touch the testing materials for fear that they would catch fire? Did any of those test reviewers listen to cognitively impaired fourth graders with obsessive-compulsive tendencies try to pronounce "onomatopoeia" for three minutes straight? I think not.

The Garter Toss

Mr. Rellim's youngest brother got married yesterday. It was a beautiful ceremony and tremendous celebration. Quinn's attention to detail was markedly improved from the last family wedding, when at the end of the ceremony, he looked my way and whispered, "Mom! Did you see that lady in the big white dress?! What was she doing standing up there?"

Last night, Quinn's questions stemmed from his participation in the garter toss portion of the reception. With a shocked expression and astonishment in his voice, he used his arms to mimic swimming and said, "Mom! Did you see that?! Uncle Marc just . . . well . . . he . . . like . . . went INSIDE Alicia's dress, pulled something out from in there AND THREW IT AT US!!!! Ewwww! Then some guys were fighting over it and . . . and . . . WHAT WAS THAT?!

On the lighter side

Some friends of mine have never toilet-papered a house. Check out this link.

Now you know.

Political Truthiness

"I mean to live my life an obedient man, but obedient to God, subservient to the wisdom of my ancestors; never to the authority of political truths arrived at yesterday at the voting booth."

— William F. Buckley
Nov. 24, 1925 – Feb. 27, 2008
Founder of National Review

Definitely Forgiveness, Maybe

Quinn kicked my shoe tonight because I wouldn't buy something for him at the store. When his father was discussing this with him, I heard Quinn say, "But, Dad, I already forgave Mom! Why do we have to make a big deal about this?"

Primo Parenting

The kids were arguing this morning. I heard Mr. Rellim tell them that they shouldn't be hitting each other - or at least not above the neck. "First," he said, "we are on our way to church. Second, there will be pictures at Uncle Marcus' wedding next weekend."

All Good Questions

I'm pretty sure Quinn and I were watching a cooking show when we were rudely interrupted by that commercial. My son asked, "Mom, what are they talking about? . . . Are they talking about men's privates?! . . . What happens to it?! . . . How would you zip your pants?! . . . WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO DO THAT?! . . . It's free? . . . Can we get some?"

Thank you to prime time TV commercials about natural male enhancement.

Indecision 2008

I don't know for sure, but I'm liking this man. Maybe he could even get the "Colbert Bump."

That explains everything

We Have a Manservant

He answers the phone and talks to telemarketers in an Indian or Middle-Eastern or Mexican accent - or any combination of them. He usually tells them that his "masters" are unable to take a call because they are both in the hot tub. Last night, the telemarketer asked him questions about why his "masters" cancelled cable service. I can't believe how long the call lasted. In closing, the manservant said, "Hola to you, sir!"

I think he meant to say "adios."

Misunderestimated Again

Quinn and his younger cousins used several random objects to create gun-like toys then took turns pointing them at me. I shouted, "Don't 'tase' me, dude!" Quinn then leaned toward me, licked my hand and said, "What?! Come on, dudes! TASTE her!"

Rachel's Birthday

Can you believe this little baby is twelve years old today?! She has been instrumental in teaching me proper use of the camera phone. However, she did change my ring tone to some short video of herself shouting, "MOMMY! YOU HAVE A PHOOOOOOONE CAAAAALL! ANSWER YOUR PHONE AT THE SOUND OF THE SCREAM - AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

I guess I've got some more reading to do tonight.

Nokia

I got a new phone upgrade and was reading the manual LATE last night to figure out how to use the camera and video features. I hit the button that looked like a camera, looked into the screen, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but the scariest looking crazy woman I'd ever seen in my life!

I gasped.

The woman gasped.

I backed away.

The woman backed away.

Oh. . . . Maybe there's a reason why I usually go to sleep at 10pm.

Fire!

No, not my hair. Mr. Rellim was sharing a story about "accidentally" setting fire to a trash can in science class in High School. He told the kids that an hysterical substitute teacher misinterpreted the situation and the principal was on his way down the hall when a fellow student vouched for his integrity before the paddling commenced. (Yes, kids used to get paddled in school! That was a strange revelation to our children.)

Does this kid look like a trouble maker? Although, I'm unsure how one could "misinterpret" fire. I mean, is something on fire or not? And who was holding the book of matches?

Happy Birthday, Easton!

Welcome to this world!

Ricochet

As if simply spelling that word correctly isn't exciting enough . . .

I'm a bit of a germ freak. During communion today I attempted to eat the bread without touching my finger to my lips, using a slight toss to hit my mouth, but missed terribly. The bread square struck the side of my nose and ricochetted into the chair in front of me, then onto the floor. It took all of my concentration skills to pull it back together. Hopefully I only distracted myself.

Ice Cream

We found a new ice cream today. Ben & Jerry's "Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream." The Colbert Report is a mouthy show we started watching now that we have digital TV. I didn't know what "TV14" meant in the upper left hand corner of the screen until just recently.

This ice cream flavor is rated G.

Nonsense Trivia

Q: What's the most common thing heard before a trip to the ER?

A: Someone hollering, "Hey, ya'll - watch'is!!!"

White Peacock

We celebrated Christmas in January with food and a white elephant gift exchange. I was lucky enough to receive this Peacock lamp. Can you see how the orange marbles light up all along the tail? Friends laughed hearty laughs, but I REALLY like it! Rachel wants to use it as a night light, but I'm not sure it's up to code to burn all night.

My Watch

I looked all over the house for it Sunday morning, but didn't find it until Sunday afternoon while driving. It was on my wrist. SCARY, ain't it?

How To

How to obstruct a federal judicial nominee. Not for the faint of heart - or secular progressive types. I'm all for fair "up or down" votes. There's even a link from there that will allow you to compose your own letter to Senator Patrick Leahy, committee chair over these nominations. Give it a whirl.

3rd and 4th Grade Basketball

Awards should be given to the volunteer coaches of this league. Quinn is the oldest and tallest on his team, which includes an eclectic mix of young boys. Since I don't know all their names, I've decided to give them Native American names. There is He-Whose-Shoes-Fall-Off, He-Whose-Father-Laughs-Like-A-Woman, Mr.-Double-Dribble, Little-One-Wearing-Big'm-Glasses, Son-Of-Screaming-Mother, and QUINN-PASS-THE-BALL!!!!

Haircut

OK, everybody!

By his own free will, Quinn (aka: Napoleon Dynamite, Castro, Dynamo, Scary-haired boy) got a haircut today.

He's worried that this new 'do makes his butt look bigger. (Not really. That's one of those poetic license things I'm entitled to as the main blog editor.)

Bus Stop

I met the kids at the bus stop after school and Rachel reported that "after giving adequate verbal warning," she was forced to punch a boy who rides their bus. She told me that she hit him in the chest ". . . right above the heart where Dad says it hurts the most". She said that she was trying to protect Quinn because this boy was throwing peanuts at him.

I asked Quinn why someone was doing this and he said, "Well, people who don't know me think I look funny. I mean, check this out!" He then pulled down his hood to show me his hair, which he is trying to grow. (It's growing alright - straight OUT from his head!) I laughed. I laughed even harder when he told me that even kids from his own class today asked him, "What happened? Did you touch a jolt of lightening or something?"

Surprisingly, Quinn still refuses to get his hair cut.

Love and Respect

It's a new book I read last night. Did you know that women want love and men want respect? Anyway, I decided to complete one of the first assignments, and that was to tell my husband that I respected him, then be ready with a few reasons why.

I began, but was met with this response, "Have you been drinking?"

Commercials

Thank you to the TV commercials who have convinced my son that we MUST buy a "Magic Bullet" mini food processor blender thingy and some steam iron do-hickey.

And thank you to the public service announcements which have added new words to my daughter's vocabulary, including herpes and erectile dysfunction.

You Call That a Knife?!

Remember that line from "Crocodile Dundee?"

Well, airport security does not like to hear it spoken. And apparently, they don't let them pass in luggage without inspection. Mr. Rellim received a very large knife yesterday, as a token of appreciation for a job well-done at a large pig show in Texas. When he saw his suitcase at the baggage claim center this afternoon, there was a bright orange sticker on it. Fortunately, the contents had been cleared by security without delay.

I guess his name is now on another list.

Question

Rachel had a friend spend the night and they were awake until midnight, which meant that I was also awake until then. Quinn, who had gone to bed at his regular time, woke up at his regular time, got dressed, then woke me up about 6:15 to ask, "Mom, do you think I'm overdressed?"

The Games We Play

Do you play games in the car to pass the time? My family (NOT me) has decided to play several "I Spy" games that reward the player with the opportunity to punch someone's arm in the car. Here is THE rule: Be the first person to spy one of these vehicles and shout out the appropriate phrase to earn punching rights.

PT Cruiser - "Bruiser Cruiser!"
VW Beetle - "Slug Bug!"
any yellow vehicle - "Yellow car/van/truck bingo!"
any vehicle with a headlight out - "pediddle!"

I might have to think about buying some body armor.

Tongue Twister

I was on a speech-language database for tongue twisters and found one that could potentially get me fired. I might have to save it for just the right moment:

I am not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
'cause the pheasant plucker's running late.

I will not spit

The kids had to write this 50 times each. Rachel substituted "h" for "p" several times so Mike asked her to write 50 more lines. She used long, skinny letters and wrote the sentence twice, each covering 25 lines. So clever, yet so very busted. She will be writing tonight for a long time.

WMI

I watched Mike Huckabee last night. I can't help but think of Huckleberry Finn, Huckleberry Hound and Yogi the Bear when I hear his last name. Anyway, he was talking about his plan for education reform and mentioned the title of his idea to be WEAPONS OF MASS INSTRUCTION (WMI). I liked it. A little humor is a good thing. I've already used the term in a staff meeting to my delight and others' confusion.

The Dance

"Did you see that lady?! She just walked right into me! What do I look like? A target?! I swear we were about 20 steps apart when I noticed she was walking toward me, so I took a step to the right. Then she took a step to the right. So I took a step to the left. Then she took a step to the left. Am I so big that as soon as people see me they panic?! For some reason, people seem to gravitate toward me. I see them coming and I'm polite and freeze in place and the people just freak out and manage to bob and weave toward me until we collide! People do this ALL THE TIME!"

laments Mr. Rellim.

Webkinz

Who thought of this idea? I love the stuffed-animal pets with virtual chores, and no allergens! (Well, the actual dust mites are really minimal.) Quinn purchased "Chocolate" - a chocolate lab and "Dasher" - a reindeer. Here he is singing his pets to sleep on the pillow next to him.

Hairy

We are not particularly hairy people. In fact, Mike only needs to shave about every three days. A couple weeks ago Mike decided to try to grow a mustache and beard. It's not going so well.

About the same time, I decided to stop shaving my legs in protest. Today at a meeting I realized my socks were not reaching my pant cuff and that shocked people sitting near me probably don't understand this contest. We may have to call a truce.

Antarctica

The science worksheet asked for nonfood items one might take on a trip to Antarctica. Quinn replied, "Ice blocks. You'll need them to build an igloo."

Now and Then

I found this picture of Quinn reminiscent of his grandpa Dale on a Christmas about 25 years ago. I think the change in hairstyle trend to be a positive.

Fabrication

My father once told me that he thinks I make up these stories. Oh . . . I might enhance them slightly in order to tell a proper story - or I might only present one side of the issue (What journalist is not guilty of that?!) - but pictures don't lie. Plus, I have no idea how to Photoshop anything.

Foot Chargers

Oops! It's sideways!

I was looking for Quinn on a recent trip to the thrift store. I found him in the dressing room trying out a pair of electric foot massagers from the 1980s. I was surprised that he had not electrocuted himself.

BTW, he bought them for $3.50.

Red Flags

Our neighbors took out the fence and hedge that separated our property from theirs. Last week they put up red flags to signify the property line. I guess they didn't like our kids sledding down onto their fresh sod grass.

I liked the hedge better.

Rose Bowl

While the men watched the game and the women left to run an errand, the children decided to check out the hot tub on the neighbor's deck. (Mind you that it was less than 20 degrees.) The ice held three tweenagers, but buckled under the weight of Quinn. The boy has had his first polar bear plunge.