Happy Mother's Day

Quinn gave up the front seat of the car even though he'd called, "Shotgun!" first. Rachel made me a glass of iced tea without asking questions. Mike accompanied me to buy some flowering annuals, then helped me pull weeds.

I'd say that's a pretty good day.

New Wardrobe Term

You've heard of "Casual Fridays?" Well, Mr. Rellim told me that my outfit today was "hot" and "professional." I told him that was not a compliment in my line of work. I may never wear that shirt again.

Poof

Quinn ran to a neighbor's house to borrow a Harry Potter movie. He returned, out of breath, and announced, "Man! I'm so out of shape! I'm really poofed!"

Pretty sure he meant "pooped."

Can't Help It

Can't help but chuckle about the Scare Force One photo op debacle.

I Need a Cover Story

I suppose I did overhear a phone conversation about some pigs. I don't remember, exactly. I was re-reading Eclipse. What I didn't expect was to find a very long trailer full of pigs in front of my house this evening. The truck plates say Ohio. I wonder whose they are? Mr. Rellim is gone for a couple days. I should have a story ready for Mrs. Neighbor. It should probably have something to do with the swine flu.

Desmos

The name means, "Bond - One Bond." And that was one of the funny lines in the children's musical production. Quinn read from Psalms, reminding us, "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity." Of course, another funny line had to do with why anyone in their right mind would want to unite with messed up people like us!

In summary, the music was good, the action was entertaining, and the story about how we should all work together as a unit as the body of Christ was well-done. Kudos to all the kids!

Just Read

Eh.

New Cut

First warm day in a looooong time. Quinn decided to get his hair cut. I think I will miss the curls.

And the Moral of the Story

I'm trying to come up with a satisfying moral to the Twilight series. Here's my thought today:

Genetic predisposition does not trump choice.

Any other theories?

Done

Now I can sleep. This series turns out to be a happily-ever-after story with a hefty bite of pro-life, pro-family wisdom.

New Name

Yesterday, Rachel stayed home from church due to bad sunburn, little sleep and a load of homework. Plus, she was supposed to clean up her room (at least so we could see the floor).

Homework and room chores were completed by mid-afternoon, but I was shocked to find the rest of the house a mess. I found cookie crumbs, 2 bags of frozen fruit and three books in my bed (none of them belonging to me). I found an apple that had been spray-painted gold on my kitchen table, an eyelash curler in the garage on top of the deep freeze, three glasses of ice water in the living room, a bunch of stray alcohol swabs in front of the TV, a rock spray-painted gold in the computer room and a creation of muddy handprints on the side of the house. There was a mostly-eaten PopTart balanced atop a throw pillow and a wad of Kleenexes on the coffee table.

I think I may change her name to Master of Chaos.

Leaf Blower

Poll has closed. The use of the leaf blower to clean out one's van was considered "ingenious" by the majority, while labeled "redneck" by only two. Thank you to all those who participated in this survey.

Disclaimer: This is not a scientific poll, and was provided for entertainment purposes only. No responsibility can be taken by this blogger or blogspot for any injuries or damage caused by use of a leaf blower to clean out a van or any other vehicle.

Just Finished

I actually just ran to Wal-Mart, looking for the fourth and final installment of this Twilight series. It was not to be found. I'm 29th on the borrowing list at the library. I really don't want to buy this book. I don't think it's been good to me. I've stay up reading until one in the morning since Monday, then wake needing a fix. I'm nearly as obsessed as the middle school girls I've seen around town. But I swear - I will not wear an Edward and Bella t-shirt.

Edward and Jacob. Strange, the story is almost like a de ja vu for me. But without vampires or werewolves or the Volturi. I don't think I'm going to get it out of my head until I read the last book. I guess I'm lucky the books are all in print, though I'm quite impatient. Wish me well.

New Moon

If the author talks about his cold lips, smooth as marble one more time . . . . Aren't there synonyms for cold? Smooth? Marble? Doesn't she have access to a thesaurus?

Yet, I read on. Book three tomorrow. Will a vampire marry a human? Shouldn't I being doing something more constructive? This is why I shy away from fiction. It occupies my thoughts with great intensity.

Can't . . . stop . . .

reading about fake vampires.

Twilight

OK. I read it, even though I swore I would not. But, I was pleasantly surprised. Vampire stories are interesting and these vampires don't follow the same rules as old-time movies. How this author has gotten compared to JK Rowling, however, is shocking. Twilight offered dreary daily commentary between sometimes contradictory descriptions of vampire life and habits. The "love" shared between the two main characters is typical of mainstream notions that the electric feeling between two people is all that matters.

My daughter is beginning to read the series, so we had a chat yesterday. Teenage girls reading this need to know the difference between love and lust.

TEA Party Update

The weather was cold, but the music was good. We even posted a sign on a Mason jar that read "Young Musician Financial Bailout." Would I host a TEA Party again? Probably. Here is a link to the front page newspaper article about the event. Fortunately for my sister Jamie (who fears an IRS audit due to my civil disobedience), my name was not mentioned in the article. Unfortunately for me, none of my clever one-liners offered during the open mic debate were quoted.

Tax Day Eve TEA Party

Have you heard of the nationwide movement to protest out-of-control taxing and spending? A friend and I are hosting a TEA party tomorrow evening because we are T.axed E.nough A.lready. We have a pavilion, fire pit possibilities, live entertainment, colonial costumes, poster-making tables and decaffeinated tea (of course). I wonder if I can convince Mike to grill pork patties for everyone while we protest pork barrel spending? Please stop by, bring your family and friends and join us for a lot of fun from 5:30-8:30. Let me know if you need directions.

What's Your Worldview?

Did you know that the newly-elected leader of the free world just announced that the United States is NOT a Christian Nation? I guess the foundations of Christianity would not fit well with his ideas for marriage, life and equal rights for all. So now that he's our leader, we cease to be Christian?

Happy Easter

Happy Easter from all the Rellim cousins!

Good Answer

Quinn had his annual cleft palate team evaluation last week. The plastic surgeon visited first and asked him, "Tell me about your scar."

Quinn asked, "My what?"

I said, "Does that answer your question?"

The surgeon said, "Perfectly."

I wonder how much we will be charged for that consultation?

And the winner is . . .

- my sister Jodie!! She guessed that Quinn was talking about his shoes. Correct!

Quinn had been playing basketball in flip-flops and decided they were not the correct foot gear (He called them utensils.), so he changed into tennis shoes.

Thanks to all who entered the contest.

Special Moment

I was doing the math in my head before announcing to Rachel that we had just saved $34 dollars by using coupons at the grocery store. I then held up my right hand toward her (my left hand was driving) for a "high five." Rachel did not high five me, but turned toward her van window and raised her right hand.

hahaha! She thought I was waving to someone and wanted to be polite!

Quinnism

I looked around the corner to see what he was talking about when he said, "These are not the correct utensils for playing basketball!"

What was he doing??

Please post your guess in the comments for this post. The winner will receive an autographed photo of the young man himself. Entry de adline 4/7/09.

The Truth

My neighbor annoys the heck out of me! Every time I see her, I wave and smile. Every day she speaks to me it's something new. Today she insinuated that her dog is smarter than my children because her dog understands that the ugly brown stakes along the property line indicate the end of her territory. Then she informed me that she would not be replacing the privacy fence between us because of it costing $8,000. I don't know who gave her that estimate. Someone who didn't want to do the work?

I thought I'd help her out, so I just planted thirteen ornamental grasses on our side of the property line. They should grow to be eight to ten feet high and two feet wide. They were free. Mrs. neighbor is all in a dither. Maybe I should have made the line a bit straighter . . . or spaced them equally apart. . . .

Hmmm . . . what to do with the $8K I just saved? How is this not loving your neighbor?

Well Said

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth."

— Henry David Thoreau

Ode to Yoda

Yoda was the German Shepherd at the farm. I mostly viewed him as a manure-encrusted, hairy tire-chaser. Mr. Rellim strongly disagreed and reminded me of the time that Yoda endured Rachel's thumping him on the head in order to save the farm chicken he had clenched between his teeth. True - Rachel is lucky to have escaped that without a scrape. Mr. Rellim also informed me of the many times that Yoda blocked Quinn from running out in front of a tractor or truck (Why the dog was babysitting, I don't understand. That will be a post for another day.).

Anyway, thanks be to Yoda. You were a good dog and I didn't even know it.

Put on your Sense of Humor

Still Learning

Quinn brought home a spelling test on which he achieved a 71%. There was a note from the teacher asking him why he did so poorly since it was an "open book" test. I asked Quinn the same question. He told me, "Well, I just wanted to learn from my mistakes."

I said, "Time to start learning!" and made him write each misspelled word correctly three times. Quinn was not happy. But I think he was learning.

I Quit

. . . after considering things like tuition, homework, fees, actually going to class, textbook rental, time and energy, and the fact that I don't really want to be a principal.

I mean, I do like to be in charge of things, but I really like giving people my opinion, then going on with my day.

All Wet at the Bridal Shower

I arrived late to my coworker's bridal shower, just in time to see her stand behind the cake for a picture. Another woman whom I did not recognize stood with her behind the cake. The cake said, "Congratulations Terri and Pat." I knew Terri. I assumed Pat must be another employee in the building who was also getting married, but whom I had not met.

I asked someone, "Who's Pat?" (meaning, "Who is that woman that I don't know?")

Someone answered, "Pat is Terri's fiance'." (meaning, "Pat is Terri's fiance'.")

I should not have started laughing hysterically when I learned that the woman I did not know was not named Pat, had never worked in the building and was actually Terri's mom.

Artificial Intelligence

I believe that the machines at my Curves workout center have gained consciousness. They expect more and more each time. I imagine that they talk to each other and tell jokes about how my seat spills over the sides of their seats.

How am I so sure this can happen? Have you read the blog managed by the President's teleprompter? Have you seen Eagle Eye?

Senior Math

I think this might have actually been lifted from my senior math final in 1988. Of course, this answer is better than anything I could have come up with.

Bathing

Rachel: What do you mean I won't be able to shower after track today? I have to go right to church?! I could . . . get a yeast infection! (not sure where that came from)

Quinn: Get a grip, Rachel! I've not taken a shower for like three days straight and I've NEVER had a yeast infection!

Well, I guess that settles it.

Zits

I have a new favorite comic strip. Maybe it's funny to me because I'm starting to identify with the parents. The strip today made me laugh out loud! I hope you can link to it here.

The teenage boy says to his mother, "MOM! There aren't any clean towels in my room! I just had to dry off with a bag of cotton balls and some pocket lint." The mom replies, "I handed you a stack of clean towels two days ago and they're still sitting there on the stairs where you left them." The boy turns around, glances at the towels on the stairs, crosses his arms and says, "Oh sure, everything's my fault."

Oh! And another great comic that was "stripped" from our local papers, likely because of it's traditional views, is Mallard Fillmore. I usually got a chuckle out of that one too. You can access either of them from the links on the right also. Enjoy.

Prodigal Family

Ever wondered what it might be like to adopt a little girl from China? Check out www.prodigalfamily.com to learn about this family's experience so far. The father of the family is our friends' son. I'm hooked to the touching posts.

We Have Skills, But Not Carpentry Ones

There are several carpenters in our family. Unfortunately, Mr. Rellim and I do not have such skills. Yes, this is how I used duct tape to "fix" the tile in the bathroom. We also have little knowledge about carpentry to pass on to our children. I heard Quinn say something about a "screw and nugget" that fell off his shoe. You see, his PaPa, with carpenter-like skill had repaired Quinn's strap on his Crock by fastening it with a nut and bolt. You gotta admit - both are ingenious, frugal and simple solutions.

I suppose I should learn some more carpenter terms so we won't sound so silly when we talk to the contractor next week about the bathroom work.

$1,000,000,000,000.00

Ever wonder what one trillion dollars looks like in stacks of one hundred dollar bills?

Happy Birthday, Quinn!

Quinn turned eleven years old yesterday! As part of his gift, PaPa came to visit, then whisked him from this "house of torture" [torturous rules, that is (such as putting away clothes, brushing teeth, flushing the toilet, etc.)] to visit with his Grandma Rellim.

Aunt Claire

I remember one Thanksgiving watching my sister's boyfriend eating a large piece of pumpkin pie. Aunt Claire had baked it herself and she sat close by the young man as he kept shoveling it in. I noticed that he kept adding more and more whipped topping to each bite, and continued to smile as Aunt Claire observed. Later, we learned that the pumpkin pie tasted awful! Aunt Claire had forgotten to add the sugar. Indeed, the omission of one ingredient can ruin the entire recipe.

Martin Luther declared, "If I profess with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at that moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ, however boldly I may be professing Christ. Where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved, and to be steady on all the battlefield besides is mere flight and disgrace if he flinches at that point" (The God Who is There, Francis Schaeffer).

Go, Mom!

I promise, you'll be laughing about this in about three years, Mom.

Seriously, I didn't see you come out of the grocery store, so I took another spin around the block. When I passed the grocery store entrance again, you still weren't there, so I drove around a little more. You know, you're somewhat responsible for the little "mishap." I mean, if you hadn't taken off jogging across the parking lot trying to cut me off at the corner, I might have seen you. You're really lucky you didn't drop the milk or crush the large sack of groceries.

How about if we just think of the incident as an unplanned cardio workout? You probably just gave your metabolism a little boost there.

It Started Out Good

We saved $500.00 this year and I was looking forward to paying a little extra on the van loan or maybe planning a road trip for late spring. Alas, while cleaning the tiled wall in the shower, one of the tiles mushed into the wall, revealing a rotting surface. AAAGGGGHHH! Our carpenter neighbor said he could fix it all up good for about $2500.

"That's a pretty nice road trip," I told him.

Hmmm . . . eradicate the bathroom of moldy, rotten green board or take a family vacation away from the whole mess?

(not so) Deep Thought

Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken,
a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Me Too!

"Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught."

— Sir Winston Churchill

How to Offend Great Britain

In one gift or less . . .

Send a block of 25 movies to the Prime Minister in exchange for a meaningful, priceless artifact. Throw in an old block bust of Churchill while you're at it.

Completely Edible

It's a golden butter cake covered in fondant that I dyed royal blue and it's supposed to resemble a Bakugan. If you aren't familiar with this new toy craze, check out this link. Thanks to Donna F. for allowing me to borrow her Wilton cake pan. I suppose it could have been used to create a soccer ball or half a de ath star.

Question of the Century

"Had he been ill?"

inquired the poorly-attentive youngster following the story of Jesus' dea th and resurrection.

Paul Harvey was Right!

"(W)hen a strict interpretation of the Constitution ... is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under the government of individual men, who for the time being have power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of what it ought to mean."

— Supreme Court Justice Benjamin Curtiss, March 6, 1857, dissenting from the Dred Scott ruling that slaves were property

Let Me Help You

My parents were two of the 19 family members who visited with us this weekend in celebration of Quinn's birthday and Rachel's musical performance. They decided to stay at a local bed and breakfast and I offered to drive them in their van since it was getting dark. Actually, I insisted on driving them (because I know my way around town, the college kids were out on a warm evening, etc.).

Their confidence in me wavered as I popped open the hood instead of releasing the emergency brake, then cut into my front yard backing out of the driveway. Thankfully, no family or friends were injured in the making of this blog post.

Opening Night

This is opening night for the BIG BAD MUSICAL. Rachel is portraying Dorothy tonight and Little Miss Muffet tomorrow. Mr. Rellim thinks the costume makes her look like a hooker. I think the costume is more like a progressive Bo Peep.

Red Envelopes

Here's an interesting idea to make a statement in support of life. Can you spare one square (one square stamp, that is)?

Basketball

Quinn played his fifth basketball game of the season. He endured his fifth loss. BUT . . . he did make eight points, sinking a free throw and a three pointer. Encouraged by his example, most players on his team tried to sink their own three-pointers, but failed miserably. And by miserably, I mean missed-the-back-board kind of shot. It's all in good fun, right?

A Great Guy

"In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these."

— Paul Harvey, Sept. 4, 1918 — Feb. 28, 2009

Christian Catch-22

I am a believer who sins. The media calls me a hypocrite. I believe in moral right v. wrong. I'm labeled as judgmental. I share my faith through communicating the gospel. I'm suddenly intolerant.

I'm having a hard time reconciling these perceptions with reality. Perhaps I need a little more love in my life.

Hair

Quinn's at it again. His hair is officially two inches high. A relative asset for his basketball team, I suppose.

About Socks

Will one extra sock really make a difference in my pile of laundry? Will the possibility of re-washing a clean sock really bother me?

No and no.

So why did I just pick up that sock from the floor and (ACK!) smell it? Why did I just submit my nose to the odoriferous sweaty sock?

I don't know.

But I do have a new personal rule: Stray socks go immediately to the laundry room without passing GO, without collecting $200 and without having to pass a sniff test. Confirmation of sock stewardship will occur at a later time.

Should I?

I'm considering writing a letter to our new Governor, stating that I have never been solicited for campaign funds by Blago, nor have I ever voted for him - just in case there will be an open Senate seat for Illinois in the near future. Seems like our political leaders change as often as the weather here. What's the story in Minnesota?

All the Money in the World

All the US currency currently in existence in the world, could not fund the pork product passed by the present Congress. Watch this quick video for a visual.

HSM III

I watched it again tonight. AWESOME! I might have to buy it!

One Million Every Day

A friend of mine uses the term economic "STINKulus" package when talking about the new spending plan from Capital Hill. I heard a Republican Congressman from Texas on TV last night who stated that much of the money in this plan is not scheduled to be spent until after 2010. If I'm not mistaken, there should be an election that year and this same Congressman said if the Republicans gain some seats, they would rescind the bill, halting further porky stimuLESS spending. Did you know that in order to spend 800 billion dollars, you would have to spend 1 million dollars a day for 2000 years? That's what this video states.

Numbers

33 - workouts I've had at Curves since December 29, 2008
234 - calories I burned during today's workout
0 - pounds I've lost since beginning this workout routine
110 - My heart rate when I ponder the injustice of it all
$3.19 - The cost of a 1/2 pint of Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream

In Less Than Two Minutes

I was working with a group of Kindergarteners today and wondered if it was a full moon. In less than two minutes, I observed the following:
1. "Billy" picked up his backpack, swung in around and hit himself in the privates.
2. Not to be ignored, "Billy" announced loudly, "Hey! Ow! I just hit my privates with my bookbag!"
3. "Henry," twisting around to catch the privates-bashing incident, walked into a door frame. (I ignored them both)
4. "Jimmy," sitting quietly, raised his hand and asked if he could ask "Johnny" a question. (I gave him permission to do so.)
5. "Jimmy" asked, "Hey, Johnny, what's your dog's name?" (Not sure what that had to do with my activity . . .)
6. "Johnny" answered with a word that was unintelligible and the entire group laughed heartily.

Happiness must peak at age five. Seriously.

When She is Rich

When Rachel is rich, she will have the money to hire someone to follow her around and pick things up when she leaves them somewhere. I noticed that someone left the freezer door open all day. Glad it's cold outside. Rachel used my makeup yesterday because she couldn't find hers. I looked in her room and couldn't even find the floor in her room. I only knew it was there because I was walking across it. I found her long lost tennis shoes under the kitchen table, her yearbook order form crumpled in a wad near the computer desk and a hairbrush on her bed. She forgot to finish her homework last night, but did manage to create a modest-sized puppet out of brown paper bags and puffy paint. I found it on my nightstand when I went to bed.

But I love my absent-minded professor!

What the Heck

I just applied to the local university's graduate college a few hours ago. It was sort of on a whim. I was just looking at the site for a Master's in Educational Administration and the application was online, and the fee was only $30, and they accepted my Visa card.

My son is peeved. He thinks if I sign up for college classes that I will have to move out and live in the dorms or something. He shouted to his father, "Dad! Dad! Mom just applicated to a college! Doesn't she know we need her?! Why is she trying to abandon us?! I'm going to find that website and UN-applicate her!!"

A few minutes later, upon gaining (relative) composure, Quinn drummed his fingers together and contemplated, "Well . . . if you are in college, then WE WILL BE HOME ALONE! YES!!"

Hunger Pains

9:24 pm: Mom, I can't sleep. I'm too hungry.

7:03 am: Mom, I can't eat. I'm too tired.

Bold Fresh

Whether or not you like the guy, this book is a great read. In it, O'Reilly takes you for a ride down (his) memory lane and spins (pun intended) some great tales from his life. These stories help the reader to understand how his character, worldview and life mission were formed.

His mission, by the way, is to expose villains and protect the "folks." He shared several laugh-out-loud adventures. Really - you should check it out.

Mr. Clean

I can't believe it! These Magic Erasers really did "erase" the soap scum from my bathtub. Not even Soft Scrub with bleach did it very well.

I'll let you know if there are any strange residue issues.

Quoth the Librarian

to the knucklehead ahead of us in line, who continued with a barrage of annoying questions, including "Why don't you just write on the front of my library card? Why is this taking so long? Did you know there's a long line waiting for you?":

"I'm printing the front of your new library card on this rare typewriter technology, however, since you are concerned about those behind you in line, I'll serve them first."

Score. We were full of smiles and giggles during the entire situation.

Vocabulary

I've learned a few new words this week. Can't wait to try them out. I admonish you to learn a few.

Blooter: (Noun) A babbler, a bumbling idiot, a fool.

Popinjay: A vain or conceited person, one given to pretentious displays. (I don't think this has anything to do with post-holiday light displays.)

Bloviate: To discourse at length in a pompous or boastful manner

Passive-Aggressive

So we still have one strand of Christmas lights on our mailbox. So they shine from 4:30-6:30 pm. So they are directly in line with our neighbor's kitchen window. So this neighbor is completely compulsive about everything. So what? I've been too busy to take them down because I've been trying to figure out how to remove the broken basketball hoop from the side yard.

The Prodigal God

Prodigal means "recklessly spendthrift" - giving or spending all you have without inhibition. So here are the Cliff Notes:

We all know the story of the Prodigal Son:
1) Younger son boldly requests his inheritance then mindlessly spends it all.
2) Father grants the odd request in the first place, then lovingly forgives this son and pours out his love to him upon the younger son's repentant return.
3) Older son has been spending his time and energy obeying and doing his father's work and is upset at his father's loving reaction to the younger brother's return.

According to Timothy Keller, this parable is teaching more than forgiveness and repentance. Are any of these characters spending time or talents wisely? Which do you most identify with?

2:04 p.m.

At exactly 2:04 p.m. central standard time, this young lady became a teenager. Let the jello-nailing begin! Happy birthday, Rachel! We love you!

Be Safe

"The safest road to hell is the gradual one — the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts."

— C. S. Lewis, author

Speaking of unpleasantness, my son reported that he has been counting how many times he passes gas in a day. He heard that the average number is fifteen. WHERE did he hear that? Is there an average?

Checked

I'm not sure if Mr. Rellim is pulling my leg or not, but when he called from Indy this afternoon, he was proud of himself for having over two hours to spare before his flight departure and also seemed pleased to have no carry-on luggage. "What do you mean?" said the lonely wife, wondering how he was carrying his car keys, pain medicine, etc.

"Checked." said Mr. Rellim.

I guess he does not remember the tour of The Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro, Alabama in 2006. As much as I love to say it, I really, really hope I won't have to say "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Doritos

Doritos wins (so far) for my favorite super bowl commercial.

Throttle Position Sensor

I'm told this is what my van needs. I wonder how much labor is involved in replacing this $32 part?

Overheard

While waiting at the chiropractor's office this afternoon, I overheard a new patient loudly giving his health history to the receptionist. (I think he was hard-of-hearing.) His birth date was 1942 and when asked the last time he had seen his physician he answered,

"Well . . . 1969. That's when I had my appendix out."

May your health history be so uncomplicated.

I'm OK

But I wasn't faking. My wrist really did hurt. I really couldn't do the dishes or open stuck lids for the last few days. Even my handwriting has suffered, though admittedly it had not far to go to reach illegibility.

In summary: Sprain = Pain

Snow Plow

Last summer we received a letter from the company who regularly clears our driveway of snow, informing us that we were officially dropped from their list of customers because we do not contract lawn care with them.

The letter should have said, "We will no longer be clearing snow from your driveway UNLESS there has been no significant snowfall until mid-January, at which point we WILL LOUDLY plow the ONE INCH of snow from your driveway at exactly 4:38 am. However, this snow-plowing service will be revoked if our contractual lawn-care customers actually need their driveways cleared the next morning because of almost ten inches of snow. In that case, you will need to secure another service for snow removal. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Does anyone have some energetic youngsters on this beautiful snow day who would like to make a couple bucks?

We Started It

Has anyone found our twelve-inch Illinois car magnet? It was last seen on the back of our dear friends' Durango, who happen to be Ohio State fans. Interestingly, the magnet maintained its fix for approximately 3 and 1/2 days before disappearing.
Ha! Ha! Gotcha!

TMI (A PG-Rated Post)

True Story, but not my son! Hooray!

A young man told his teacher:
I have to go home early today. Wanna know why?
I don't have any underwear on.
Wanna know why?
I crapped my pants.
Well, really I just farted and some poop came out.

The student was gently informed that if it ever happened again he could just say that he had an accident in his pants.

It's Official

My roller skating days are over. Today the roller rink was blessed with my performance of a spectacular wipe out. I'm now anxiously awaiting the Monday morning opening of the chiropractor's office. And based on the increasing pain in my left wrist, with concomitant loss of digit function, it's looking like the radiology department may get a visit also.

FYI: When attempting speed demon moves on roller skates, never underestimate the unpredictable swerving abilities of small children. On the bright side, by taking the crash solo, I may have saved the lives of three innocents.

Ground Hog Day

Remember this movie starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell?

We watched it tonight and started a conversation about what each of us would do if faced with living a day over and over and over again, knowing there would be no consequences. Would we eat whatever? say whatever? steal? cheat? In the movie, Murray (finally) learns the best way to spend his time is to serve others, the "curse" ends and time moves forward.

Quinn told us that if he could live the same day over and over he would, "streak all over the world!" I'll give him some more time to think about that one. Stay tuned.

My Nephew

Owen was planning an afternoon with his daddy at the arcade. On the way out the door he said to his mother, "Hey mommy, why don't you do some stuff just for me today? You know . . . like . . . clean up around here, etcetera. OK, Mom?"

He's so sweet and silly.

Little Pharoah

I asked Quinn if he'd like cheese and crackers for an after-school snack. He said, "YES! So let it be written. So let it be done."

OK.

Peaceful Transfer of Power

Amazing. I might look for a hat just like Aretha's. But . . . what's up with Kanye West at the Youth Inaugural Ball? I guess I'm no longer a youth.

And on a pro-life note: Here is a great commercial aired today from http://www.catholicvote.com/.

Favorite Aunt?

My sister went shopping for a specific shirt from a specific mall store per Rachel's birthday request. Here is a partial quote:

Went into Hollister for the first and last time today. It was dark and so loud that I had to scream to Chris who was standing right next to me. Got out ASAP. Next tried Abercrombie and Fitch. It was stinky and still pretty loud. At least there were naked people all over the walls and several [strange people] to hold my attention as I waited in line to pay for my purchase for twenty minutes. YIKES!!! I hope the purchase is worth it. Not even going to wrap it, just going to hand your daughter the bag with the two half naked men on it as wrapping. Love you.

I told my sister therein lies the dilemma. How much torture can she endure for the coveted title of "favorite aunt?"

Religious Freedom Day

"Religious freedom is the foundation of a healthy and hopeful society.
On Religious Freedom Day, we ... celebrate the first liberties enshrined
in our Constitution's Bill of Rights, which guarantee the free exercise
of religion for all Americans and prohibit an establishment of religion."

— President George W. Bush, proclaiming January 16, 2009,
as Religious Freedom Day

Cold. So Cold.

Mr. Rellim started a big, roaring fire when he got home from work this evening. Unfortunately, he forgot to open the flue. Now our doors and windows are open to air out the joint. I wish I hadn't wasted all that time dusting last night.

Refinancing

I've been pestering the kids to help pick up the house. Quinn asked why. I told him because a man would be here at 7:00 am tomorrow to appraise our home. Quinn said, "But why tomorrow?! It's not even Sunday!"

I realized that he mistook "appraise" for "praise." I'm not sure if that is even a job - home praising. I suppose there are stranger religions.

New Day. New Shot.

Mr. Rellim received another translateralowhoopadigger epidural injection today. (I can't remember the exact term, but the needle was about twice as long because it was inserted laterally into the spine in order to get closer to the nerve root.) I didn't have to ask to be included in the procedure room this time. The doctor invited me in. Mike thinks it's because the doc was showing off for me. I think it's because I ask a lot of questions and it's just easier to show me.

Anyway, Rachel and Mike are at a basketball game tonight, so I think he's feeling better.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Rellim!

Here's to better birthday presents this year - although those trousers do look pretty snazzy!

Chemistry

In some college chemistry classes each student is asked to identify an unknown substance. There are many methods by which this can be ascertained; none though as quick as that demonstrated by my nearly 13-year-old daughter.

Just five minutes ago Rachel showed me a sandwich bag full of what looked to be pencil shavings and asked, "Mom, what is this?" Many questions raced through my mind including where in the heck she found it. Never did I think to tell her, "Whatever you do - DON'T stick your finger in the bag and taste it."

Well, I should have thought it because she did it. Tasting is definitely not my first choice when attempting to identify an unknown. You? Fortunately it was a bag full of bran from my mother who wants me to start cooking healthy.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Hahaha! I had forgotten about this picture. My sisters and I were attempting to NOT smile for a family photo so that we could print it in black and white. Let me provide captions for you from L to R starting in the back.
Marcie: I'm in a trance. Let me stay here.
Jodie: Ha! I put you in that trance.
Jamie: Bull! You are both in trances because I SAID SO.
Kelly: What?
Mom: Yup. Those are trances all right.
Dad: Four girls. What are the odds?

Six Minutes

That's how long Rachel hollered, "Mom! Dad! Mom! Dad! Someone turn off my light!" (repeat).

I was already in bed, so did my best to ignore her (Aren't I a good mom?). Mr. Rellim (sporting a softer heart than me) finally came to her aid, at which time she exclaimed, "You know I've been yelling for six minutes? Six minutes!! How hard is it to come turn off my light?!"

I thought to myself how easy it would have been for me to walk in and throw a pillow at her. I also thought how easy it would be for Rachel to sit up, take three steps and turn off the light herself. Mike must have decided it wasn't worth it to argue logic with her at 9:45 pm. He's such a good dad.

27 Degrees

It was only 27 degrees out today and my son insisted that he did not need his winter coat - only his ski mask. He did concede, however, to carrying his winter coat to school. I wonder if it's legal to profile grade-schoolers on the basis of winter wear?

In other winter news: Quinn lost another pair of gloves. Maybe we will find them in a glorious Florida home with the mismatched socks. Or maybe they are on the Island of Misfit Toys.

New Year's Resolutions?

Have you made any? I'm going to get back in shape and fuss at my family less. Here are some resolutions for every day that I lifted from an article by Max Lucado:

– Once a week, let a child take you on a walk.
– Make major decisions in a cemetery.
– Don’t spend tomorrow’s money today.
– Pray twice as much as you fret.
– Listen twice as much as you speak.
– Never outgrow your love of sunsets.
– God has forgiven you; you’d be wise to do the same.
– Toot your own horn and the notes will be flat.
– The book of life is lived in chapters, so know your page number.
– Never let the important be the victim of the trivial.
– Live your liturgy.

Debt Cures

I read a book this week by Kevin Trudeau titled "Debt Cures They Don't want you to Know about." I think it could be better titled, "If you have a lot of debt, here are many ways you can avoid paying it by tricking the collection agencies."

I think Saturday Night Live did a skit once about this very subject. Their book was titled "If You Don't Have the Cash, Don't Buy It." That was the title of the book, the subject of each chapter and the words on each page. Could you imagine such a world?!

Banditos Bonitos

It's kinda hard to tell here, but my mother thought it would be a good idea to buy her five grandsons ski masks for Christmas. Of course, the boys all thought Grandma had purchased bank robbing outfits for them. Hilarious!

Happy New Year!

What could be better than a day of leisure, minimal sibling rivalry, a batch of homemade caramel corn and a good movie? Top it off with a game of Scrabble in front of a roaring fire (where mom kicks butt!) and you've got a recipe for a happy family.

"The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose, new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. …
Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective."

— G.K. Chesterton